Wish You Were Dead (2002)

This is the sort of movie that thinks Tourette's Syndrome is hilarious. It believes a bad toupee is the height of comedy. It expects people to laugh at profanity as though they've never heard such naughty words before. And it features Cary Elwes chewing so much scenery that he must have gotten an intestinal blockage. Wish You Were Dead is stupid, lazy and almost completely unfunny.Melody (Elaine Hendrix) is a man-hating, chocoholic hit woman who is hired by wives to kill their cheating husbands. Mac (Cary Elwes) is a pathetic, socially inept virgin who works as an insurance claims adjuster. When Mac gets tricked by a Jerry Springeresque mother-daughter duo (Mary Steenbergen and Tanya Allen) into thinking he's knocked up the mother and then made her the beneficiary of Mac's million dollar life insurance policy, Melody is brought in to seal the deal by offing Mac. However, killer and victim fall in love and aided by Mac's foul mouthed degenerate of a co-worker (Christopher Lloyd), they hatch their own scheme to grab the money. Throw in an animal rights fanatic hairdresser (Gene Simmons), Mac's castrating bitch of a mother (Sally Kirkland), a pointless bikini wax and the first film appearance by Billy Ray Cyrus and that's Wish You Were Dead.I never laughed once while watching this film. I didn't chuckle or snicker. I did smile once at a sight gag involving the remains of one of Melody's victims, but that was far outweighed by my otherwise constant and open mouthed astonishment at attempts at humor that would insult the wit and intelligence of a 7 year old. I mean, it's very, very difficult to make a consistently funny movie but it's not that hard to dredge up a at least a few crude, low brow jokes and sprinkle them throughout a script. For pete's sake, if nothing else you can pull a Milton Berle and just steal funny lines from other books or movies.In place of actual comedy, this film offers up the labored, mannered, ridiculous-but-not-in-a-good-way performance of Elwes. His acting is sooooo much more over the top than anyone else in the cast it's as though Elwes is in his own separate film, much like Val Kilmer in Tombstone except this time it really sucks. And it's not like the other actors are hewing close to realism, but they are trying to play human beings while Elwes turns himself into a muppet.Wish You Were Dead is terrible. Watch it at your own risk.

Contrary to the idea of most others who have viewed this film, I found it to be absolutely hilarious. It is my belief, however, that this movie had one single problem with it that made it unappealing to the majority of movie-goers. The problem? THIS MOVIE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A PLAY. If this script would have been presented to an audience from a stage, it would have been much more accepted. Cary Elwes' acting is fantastic in this movie, but he is not acting for a movie, he is acting for a play. The character he is playing (Mac) is an easily conceivable character. The way that Elwes chooses to portray him, however, is not meant for the big screen. Coming from someone who has spent plenty of time in competitive drama, this movie should have been a play. It would have been absolutely perfect on the stage.I suggest that anyone who watches this film looks at it from a non-traditional viewpoint. Imagine that you are watching a play, and the brilliant comedy in this movie will present itself to you.Seven out of ten. This movie would have gotten a higher rating, but, as previously stated, the story and the characters were out of place on the big screen.

I didn't really expect much from this and I was certainly not pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be absolute drivel and possibly the worst film I have ever seen. With a half decent cast, including Cary Elwes and Christopher Lloyd I thought that they may be able to lift the film out of the depths of despair. Alas, they failed. A very silly plot, some very poor acting (what do you expect casting Billy Ray Cyrus??)and complete disregard for any of the characters certainly does make you 'wish that you WERE dead' after watching this painful experience. It would not be categorised as a comedy as its just simply not funny and far too silly to be a thriller so I am unsure what genre this would fall into. Additionally, after 45 mins, I had already counted around 20+ uses of the 'F' word which proved to be very unnecessary. Avoid!!!

Hapless insurance investigator, 35 year old Mac (Elwes) has more to lose than just his virginity in this black comedy. When scheming older woman Sally (Steenberg) discovers that Mac has a $1million life insurance policy, she seduces him and cons him into signing it over to her. Once her plan is assured, she hires Melody (Hendrix), an assassin who specialises in bumping off unfaithful husbands. However, Sally doesn't bet on Melody falling in love with Mac...