Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

Luckily did not ever pay to see this 'film' but it is on cable TV often much to my shock. If ever there was a low-brow soft porno film, this is it. The acting is atrocious and wooden. Nothing really happens except the woman is abused and pilloried throughout by a nauseating man who is supposed to be sexy, but is the antithesis of it. This picture brought filmmaking to a new low. It is so sad to see films like this boring piece of rubbish when we think of the golden age of Hollywood with its wit, humor, drama, inciteful writing, direction, editing, music scoring, everything that came together to make great films. The fact they are making a third version of this sick story is unbelievable. I hope no one goes to see it. What's next, soft-core snuff? Shame on the 'actors' who portrayed these perverted characters....their careers might never recover. Minus '1' is the rating it deserves.

I did not read the book so I had no high expectations and thought it was ok.

Though a few years late in viewing this immensely popular film and not having read E.L. James series of novels on dominant and submissive sexual experiences, the 'better late than never' applies. No, this is not a 'great movie' but as adapted for the screen by Kelly Marcel it is entertaining (though a bit long) and it is cast with credible appearing characters (the central focus couple spends the better part of the 125 minute film without clothes and pushing the usual standards of X rated to the limits - almost). Sam Taylor - Johnson, the British female director manages the situation well. Shy literature student Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) rooms with the worldly Kate (Eloise Mumford) and goes to interview the wealthy Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) as a favor to Kate who is to interview Grey for the school paper. She encounters a beautiful, brilliant and intimidating man. The innocent and naive Ana starts to realize she wants him. Despite his enigmatic reserve and advice, she finds herself desperate to get close to him. Not able to resist Ana's beauty and independent spirit, Christian Grey admits he wants her too, but on his own terms. Ana hesitates as she discovers the singular tastes of Christian Grey - despite the embellishments of success, his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, and his loving family, Grey is consumed by the need to control everything. He gradually introduces (? seduces) into the realm of submission and dominance - and the film ends with a cliffhanger that guarantees the continuation of James' novel. Johnson and Dornan have fine chemistry and make the affaire noir credible. The others in the cast who contribute well are Jennifer Ehle (Ana's mother), Marcia Gay Harden (Christian's mother) and bit parts by Victor Rasuk, Max Martin and Luke Grimes among others.Be prepared for a lot of visual body contact - but of course everyone knows the story and its reason for being because of all the flutter about James' novels.

I cannot believe I actually watched this. Me, who solemnly swore he wouldn't watch such rubbish, made the bold choice to watch this for the sake of his friend. That's how kind I am. I would succumb to this for friendship. Honestly though, this has less substance than a used condom. I'm not even going to summarise the "plot", because there was hardly any. Young girl falls in love with rich man who creates a contract for some submissive dominance relationship thing. I don't know, and I don't care. The film is shot well atleast, and has aesthetic appeal. Don't forget the hardcore foreplay and rough sex...oh wait, it's tame? Oh dear. I've seen more convincing sex (and better plot) in a 70's soft porno. The screenplay can be best described as monotonous. Example: "I don't make love. I f*ck...hard". Or even: "Because I'm fifty shades of f*cked up, Anastasia". What even was this!? Have we, the human race, actually come to this!? I can't comprehend the stupidity of this dialogue and how undramatic it was. The most excitement I had was attempting to work out the word for a 'vagina wig' which I'm sure Dakota Johnson was wearing. "Hmmm I know it sounds like mankini? No wait, I'll FaceTime my mum, she'll know...MERKIN! It's a merkin!". The sex, which the plot clearly revolves around, is too funny to watch. Whips, chains, rope...we got it all, and it's hilarious. Then the accompaniment of generic pop songs, oh yes it gets better. Bursting into Ellie Goulding's "Love Me Like You Do" has never felt so good. Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan were abysmal, not their fault though to be fair. Goes to show that a screenplay is the most central and important aspect to a captivating film. And captivating this is not. However, my life is now complete. This film brought me joy. It is so atrocious that I actually loved it. Get ready for when I watch the sequel, I can't wait...