Battle Royale (2000)

If you're old enough to remember this movie, you'll recall the wild thrill we all felt when it exploded onto cinema screens in a riotous burst of muted tones, squirting blood, and cute Japanese schoolgirls in short-skirted uniforms.The year is 2xxx. The Japanese government is fed up with young people and their bullshit. A new policy is implemented to address the problems exacerbated by these irresponsible little scrotes, and it receives universal public support. The rules are simple: 42 kids enter, only one kid leaves. Some social commentators have argued that the same policy could be used to address the plague of parasitic, self-entitled millennials that currently blights Western society. I, for one, would strongly favour such a proposal.This entire film is carried on the broad shoulders of Takeshi Kitano, a hardboiled movie veteran who needs no introduction here. If you enjoy him in Battle Royale, you'll love him even more in the Autoreiji trilogy (go and watch it right now!)I rate Battle Royale: Extended Version at 23.31 on the Haglee Scale, which works out as a blood-soaked 7/10 (with just a hint of sexy schoolgirl thighs) on IMDB.

WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE AND THE BOOKAnime-style gun battles: people get shot dozens of times and suffer no ill effects, except the one bullet delivered after a "cool" or "gut-punching" line of dialogue.Due to the sheer amount of crushes there is hyper-inflation in the value of romance in this movie. In other words, if everyone is love with everyone else then there is actually zero meaningful romance in the movie.Interesting characters die quickly while boring characters survive. Interesting characters never fight against interesting characters, its always Boring vs Interesting. Imagine if Sickle Girl had to confront the heroes, or if Bleach Haired Guy had any characterization other than deadly guy who teleports around the island. You never think to yourself, "Oh no, two characters I'm rooting for are fighting each other!"Just pick two or three relationships with backstories! There's no point in squeezing an entire backstory between two characters in 90 seconds before they kill each other! Forget half of these stories! Take Track Suit Girl, build up the story -- ending with her stabbing her attempted rapist in the dick -- and make it bigger!The acting is awful. Every time a character does their death soliloquy and pantomimes dying it was laughable, especially Beat Takeshi! Who is supposed to be good!The use of classical music is the definition of pretentious: it shoots for deep meaning and falls flat on its stupid face. If its supposed to be a humorous juxtaposition then - no, this movie totally lacks humour and is entirely self-serious.There is no meaning in the movie. A statement on older generations abusing and destroying the futures of their children, this movie is not. This movie is about screaming and arterial spray. (In the book, Japan is a dystopian country ruled by a totalitarian government. The winner of the Battle Royale receives an income and an apartment for life. These two details give the work enough meaning to push it past the threshold from "exploitation film" to "John Carpenter-level commentary")As an exploitation film there are no memorable heroes or villains, just a couple of cool deaths, no stand out special FX, a lame-duck twist (Beat Takeshi was stabbed in the butt and that's when he decided to become... a lame dude...). IIRC the book's climatic battle is with characters lobbing grenades at each other while in a car chase. Probably outside this movie's budget :(

A masterpiece. Seriously. The acting, story, pacing, tone, score, action, setting and everything about it. I just learned today that all the actors did their own stunts. Maybe that helped to play a role in creating this cinematic magic to life. Unfortunately most people know about those stupid Hunger Games copycat films but not this gem. Try as they may, Hollywood will never get close to replicating Battle Royale. Yeah, this film has tons of action and blood but it isn't about any of those things. It is about raw humanity. An unthinkable situation revivals the true natures hidden deep down in the darkest etc, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah this film is one of the greatest films ever made. I prefer the theatrical cut over the director's cut because it leaves a little more to the imagination when it comes to the origin stories but the director's cut is worth watching after you've seen the original version.

If you like politically correct, family friendly fare, then please move and watch The Hunger Games. Otherwise, brace yourself for Battle Royale, a top Japanese movie from 2000 that has to be one of the best movies in modern history.It's a roller coaster ride and quite moving in many respects. Yes it's violent and it's not for everyone, but you wonder how we would react if such a scheme really was in place.The production values are impressive, and the story is fast-paced. All credit to the talented director and of course the producers: Kenta Fukasaku, Kinji Fukasaku, Kimio Kataoka, Chie Kobayashi, Toshio Nabeshima, and Masumi Okada.