House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

This movie was horrible. Years ago when I got my first tattoo this had just come to video. They were playing it and as soon as it ended it restarted and I had to watch it again. It wasn't worth one watch let alone two.

And the only thing horrible in this film is sheri's Voice

Extreme horror films hadn't hit it big until a couple years later in 2005 when Eli Roth's "Hostel" came out and I think if this film had been released around that time it might have been a bigger success. Instead, this film took some years to find it's cult following. The story, such as it is, follows a group of young people, two of which are played by Chris Hardwick and Rainn Wilson, ironically visiting the roadside attraction "The Museum of Monsters & Madmen" run by the wonderfully creep Sid Haig as the clown-faced Captain Spaulding. From there, the film becomes something of a greatest hits of 70s grindhouse horror films. Writer/director Rob Zombie has made a grizzly love letter to films ranging from "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" to "Last House on the Left" to "The Hills Have Eyes" to "Spider Baby" to really too many to mention. Zombie has some nice visual stylistics (grainy black & white documentary- like footage, an incredibly long crane shot, or delightfully creepy over-the-top production design) mixed among others that don't quiet work (mainly the ugly photo negative effects). Also in the film's positive column is a to-die-for cast of character actors, including Karen Black, Bill Moseley, Irwin Keyes, Sheri Moon Zombie, Bill Moseley, Dennis Fimple, and Michael J. Pollard. The overall effect of all this is a disconnected mishmash of partially developed ideas that felt as if Zombie was trying to cram in every single horror movie idea he'd ever had into one film. If there is a unifying story, it's the teens trying to survive their captivity by the maniacal Firefly family, which then follows the classic "last girl" horror trope. However there are tons of dangling story threads involving the legend of Doctor Satan, Tom Towels and Walton Goggins investigating the missing teens, or just odd one off musical numbers and other throwaways scenes. Still, despite the film being kind of a mess, it's also kind of a glorious mess for fans of the type of film Zombie is celebrating.

I cannot explain with mere words how incredible this film was. Waaaaay better than The Lords of Salem and Halloween. Rob Zombie is an absolute genius and this film will forever be in my heart. Please play this at my wake when I die. Please play this every day til the day I die. Yassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss