Catwoman (2004)

I can not believe that Warner Brothers would have made this film if they had read the screenplay. I also think that Halle Berry must not have read it as well. Sharon Stone most likely read this but she will show up for the opening of an envelope. "Catwoman" is the story of shy, sensitive artist Patience Philips (Halle Berry), a woman who can't seem to stop apologizing for her own existence. She works as a graphic designer for Hedare Beauty, a mammoth cosmetics company on the verge of releasing a revolutionary anti- aging product. When Patience inadvertently happens upon a dark secret her employer is hiding, she finds herself in the middle of a corporate conspiracy. What happens next changes Patience forever. Trust me this is not only boring but stupid. Halle really can not pull the role. Sharon Stone is just mugging for the camera. I have no idea why Warner Brothers made "Pitof"the director. Trust me this film is so bad that nobody has ever let him direct anything again. That includes "Traffic".

The idea of how Catwoman came to be should turn out a good viewing, but how was I wrong! The entire film unfolds as a lengthy music video clip for the choreographed fight scenes with many obvious CGI plans, interspersed with some dramatic takes so it can be called 'a movie'. It is especially the synonymous of 'style over substance', ideal for futile women - who are certainly the target audience of this product. Halle Berry's portrayal of Patience Phillips is acceptable, but as Catwoman she looks more like a ho than a respectable BD character - one can be sexy without being that, as Michelle Pfeiffer.

...that it is just bad.A star celebration for Barre's body in a leather catsuit... no acting ability required and nothing worth mentioning delivered. Writing poor, humor not even up to sophomoric levels. Cinematography amateurish. Special effect poor by even 20 year old standards. Plot non existent. Directing apparently done by an overly hormonal teen male. High point(if there is one)...Barre looks good in the catsuit.Free on Netflix and still way over priced.

When Batman Returns (1992) was released people really enjoyed Michelle Pfeiffer's take on Cat woman and who can blame them? It was a kick ass roll that turned into one of her most famous roles. A spin off movie was planned to start shortly after the Batman returns in 1993 with Michelle Pfeiffer reprising her role along with Tim Burton directing it. The agreement fell through due to conflicting priorities with Pfeiffer's family life and Burton slowing losing interest in the project. The film would sit in development hell for years until Halle Berry would sign onto the project around 2002. The film would get released on the 23rd of July 2004....We waited so many years for this...this movie....Instead of Salina Kyle we have Patience Phillips (Halle Berry) a meek and lonely woman who works at an evil beauty company, we know that she is meek and clumsy by the amount of people and objects she bumps into and says sorry to in the opening minutes of the movie. It is about as subtle as a pancake to the face because of the sheer amount of persons she bumps into which are almost ten people. Then we are introduced to her slightly ugly (but not really) best friend and the obligatory deeply offensive gay best friend, both of these characters have very little to no bearing on the plot and will not be of any focus because the film put so little effort into making them interesting. The evil make up company (I am not joking) is run by Sharon Stone and Lambert Wilson both who have characters who are so one dimensionally evil that I half expected them to cackle like hyenas while twirling their mustaches. They are creating face cream that will cause the face to rot off if the cream stops being used (I am not joking). Halle Berry overhears this evil plot and is killed off to which a magical cat called Midnight breathes on her (Again, I am not joking) and then Patience Phillips becomes....CATWOMAN!But what is a Cat woman?Well the key, according to this movie is in the name Cat-woman, it is woman who is also a cat. The cat part is very important to this movie as after the cat breathing session Halle Berry has vertical pupils, she sleeps on shelves, she devours tuna by the ton, drinks milk, hisses at dogs, jumps and walks like a cats, ALWAYS lands on her feet and sees in the dark.The fun does not stop there as one aspect of being a Cat Woman is that she likes jewelry and skin tight leather because cats like that too I suppose.Now we move onto that costume, that infamous costume. I am sure that you the reader will know what I am talking about. It is on every single promotional material for this movie. Let me be frank, it is hideous, it is about as sexy as a festering wound, it is a BDSM costume gone wrong, I might as well as call her Cat-gimp thanks to that costume.So with the superhero thing just about set up but with no reason to care, Halle Berry sets out to expose the evil company from letting the skin rotting cream from hitting the market, all the while trying to balance dating a cop who's name I also cannot remember but I know is played by Benjamin Bratt who is also investigating the new and mysterious cat woman for a series of murders that Sharon Stone has framed on the Cat woman. He is so inept at his job that even when he faces Cat woman he can't tell it is his girlfriend despite the suit not really obscuring much, in terms of identity, no he has to go through unnecessary tasks of finger print analysis and lip analysis even when the answer is obvious to all.Eventually things come to ahead and Halle Berry and Sharon stone fight in a drunkenly edited fight scene that is too hard to follow or to care. By the way did you know that if you continue to use the skin rotting cream often enough your skin will turn as hard as granite? This is a big threat to Halle Berry until hits her enough which causes the skin to rot because reasons. Only watch if you want to see a hot, silly, incoherent scrapheap of a move for the laughs it can provide.