You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger (2010)

That's what it says on the DVD. But this is a nasty movie that laughs at people who make horrible choices. The laughter is more like a giggle from Woody Allen. The fates that befall all these characters can happen, but the execution is cruel--especially regarding the Anthony Hopkins character. The ditsy airhead who is also selfish winds up the happiest---the irony is of course deliberate, and clever, but it looks like Allen just wanted to be mean to people in this movie.

I realize that his many fans feel Allen can do no wrong but this film stands as a mute rebuttal to that point of view.The low rating reflects not necessarily the production values (which are almost perfect even though the film is horrid) but the blow to "media ecology" that the planet must endure when an artiste WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER wastes talent like it grew on trees.The "magic" here is that somehow Allen coaxed some of the best actors on the planet to give one of the worst performances of their lives.Don't know where to start. Brolin, he of the broad facial testosterone markers, plays a simpering wimp. Watts, who almost never looks lost in a role, acts like she would rather be somewhere else. Hopkins and Bandiaras are playing variants of role they have played many times before, which suggests that, if nothing else, you are better off watching those performances, not these.And the trademark Allen voice-over, an egoistic affectation if ever there was, serves the same role as the Surgeon General's warning on a pack of cigarettes.

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger relies on quite the usual characteristics of a Woody Allen's dramedy: intertwined destinies, twists of fate, etc., always with that sweet-and-sour tone specific to the director. But this time, the different story lines, though relatively pleasant to follow, aren't that productive as the ones of Alfie or Helena. But the strangest thing is that it seems Allen only developed half of the plot and the movie isn't finished at all, an impression evidenced by the abrupt ending that leaves a number of issues pending, such as the stolen book. And that's frustrating because, one can't help but think that these elements, used/arranged differently, could have lead to a whole different movie, much more pertinent, especially as the cast is good, though obviously underexploited.

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger (2010)Simply put, not Woody Allen's best. But it has lots of the trademarks of Allen's films, especially from this late period, and sometimes this one seems about to shine, either in humor or in pathos.It's not quite a roaring comedy, nor a farce, nor a true straight drama. A number of major characters are in relationships that are falling apart or beginning again, often (of course) with infidelity. So Anthony Hopkins plays a wealthy old man who refuses to be old, so he begins working out, popping performance pills, and sleeping with a prostitute (though he apparently thinks she's just a nice actress). And so he leaves his wife. Then there's his wife and her need to start over. There's the prostitute who naturally isn't satisfied with sex with an elderly chap (everything is very British--it's set in London).And that's just one group. An important second group of characters include a couple of writers (their manuscripts become an important small subplot) and their loves. Including the scintillating young woman across the courtyard who practices cello in her window. You might think this is a parody of a dream (I laughed out loud when it first happened because I was sure he was making a joke), but it's taken seriously. In fact, the guy watching her (one of the writers) is a true jerk, and seems to succeed as a jerk. No joke there, either.Etc. It could easily have been a delicious interplay of contemporary characters facing romantic crossed-wires. But the timing is a hair off, the dialog sometimes obvious or sometimes too familiar (like we've seen it before not just in life, but in a Woody Allen movie). There are some touching scenes, and the best parts of the movie are probably the serious ones, but you can't extract those beautiful five minute segments from the more contrived and strained whole.A final clue to Allen's intentions comes from the bland (downright boring) voice-over at the start and end. It means to suggest a lighthearted look at these people (caught in the sound and the fury). And the music in the background shifts the mood in almost silly ways, announcing that the movie is almost an oversized trifle. Or truffle.Too bad. Allen is his brilliant best when he mixes up humor and tragedy, and he's great at both. I'm glad he tried. If you love Allen, you should see this and give it a chance. If you don't know his movies or know you don't like them, give some of the great ones another chance. The list is long.