Death Train (1993)

Anyone watching this film because Alistair Maclean's name is on it will be sorely let down. A weak plot involving stolen nukes is nothing you haven't seen before, done better. Some of the acting (Brosnan, Stewart and Paul) is good, but Ted Levine is simply laughable as the secondary antagonist. His silly redneck character weakens any threat to his scenes with Brosnan. The venerable Christopher Lee is rather miscast as an evil Russian mastermind.Action scenes and photography are OK, but the editing, music and direction are dull. I also found it funny that it is some sort of UN team that goes after the nukes, where in real life it would be the Navy Seals or Delta Force that would be sent to deal with this train (and would certainly do a better job).

Well, it's not quite Fantasy Island, but after watching it I can't help but think that the addition of Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize would have made the movie much more enjoyable.The movie tries hard, but it's let down by a number of things that just make you tut in annoyance.For a start, transporting a nuclear bomb by train? Don't the writers actually do any homework about these things? Let's see, there's a bomb on a train....a nuclear bomb, no less. Hmmm. What should we (the authorities) do about it? I know! Let's allow it to trundle around Europe willy-nilly and not interfere with it, because, after all, it does have a nuclear bomb on board, and we all know that those will go off at the slightest provocation. Bah! In reality a fleet of gunships would blow the living s**t out of the train and they'd worry about the clean-up later. There would be no nuclear explosion. But wait, weren't there hostages? Yeah, right, you think the authorities would give a monkey's ass about a few civilians when they were being threatened with a nuclear inferno? It's this kind of stupidity in writing that really irritates me. Let's write a story and not have the characters/authorities do anything remotely resembling what they'd do in real life. Bah!Another example...when they track down the second bomb and its being trundled down the runway in an airplane, what do they do? Not shoot out the plane's tires (I'm no expert, but I think it might be hard for a prop aircraft to reach take-off speed with all its tires flat, assuming the undercarriage didn't collapse anyway) Oh no! They attempt to board the plane and tackle the bad guys mano-a-mano. Luckily for them, the bad guys, in addition to having a nuclear bomb on board, have also thoughtfully provided sandbags piled up in neat little mounds that make kind of mini-foxhole-like positions. Perfect for an onboard shoot-out! Bah!And, of course, earlier we are treated to one of my pet hates among portrayals of military hardware - the empty rocket pods on the helicopters. Before they even fire one rocket we get a great shot of the helicopter flying towards the camera.....and an equally obvious shot of daylight through the rocket tubes. Would it be so hard to block up the holes? Geez!Of course, the "rockets" turn out to be fireworks that, when fired, shoot off in any direction but towards the target. Oh the hilarity!There's not much to recommend this movie. It's unrealistic and just silly and nobody has any imagination or common sense worth a damn. Just don't get me started on the ludicrous "let's trap them in a tunnel" scene. That just blew chunks.Avoid it if you want to see anything remotely realistic. On the other hand, if you like really lame movies, it's worth a shot.

When I found `Detonator' at the video store and saw that it had Patrick Stewart and Pierce Brosnan in the staring roles, I got my hopes up. I thought, with Captain Pacard and James Bond in the movie, it should be pretty good. Then I saw that Alexandra Paul and Christopher Lee were also in the movie and thought with a cast like that, how could the film help but be good. Well, I found out. The premise of the movie is not bad; a fanatical Russian military man (Christopher Lee) builds a nuclear bomb and tries to detonate it, on a train bound for Iran, to trigger a military resurrection of the former Soviet Union. Of course, an elite team of United Nations commandos (Patrick Stewart, Pierce Brosnan and Alexandra Paul) tries to stop the train before ultimate fireworks show takes place. Maybe not the most original storyline for an action/adventure movie, but it had some potential.Unfortunately, not even this cast could make up for the horrible script `Detonator' offers. This is not the first script David Jackson has written, but it sure seems like it. In fact, the dialog is so dry and uninspired, that the chemistry one would expect between actors of this caliber is absolutely non-existent; which makes this movie boring, and a real disappointment.

TV thriller made in the early ninties starring heavyweights such as "Pierce Brosnan" desperate for a Bond type actionner (yet can't seem to handle any action sequence), Christopher Lee (in perhaps his most boring role ever) and Patrick Stewart (who appears to be doing this for the money).Chris Lee is funding the transportation of a nuclear warhead to Iraq so that he can lead the Russians to re-claim the warhead by conquering Iraq (despite the fact that Russia were in league with Iraqis anyway - that's why the US funded Iraq's leadership at the time with chemical weaponary, etc).The plot is paperthin, I still don't understand why the a-bomb has to be transported via train. I don't understand how doing a "media" job will allow Chris Lee's "Iron" man of Russia to become a leader for Russia.The train also keeps stopping, the SWAT team are silly and there are too many breaks for obilitary adverts for Coca-Cola or Pepsi, or whatever the hell that Baywatch lady drinks.Its too long, too boring and annoying.Overall: 1/10.