Ticker (2001)

If an eighth grade class raided their parents liquor cabinet, passed around a bottle, got good and loaded and took it upon themselves to make their own version of every 90's action cliché, it would look something like Ticker, a wonderfully inept mad bomber tale that starts at rock bottom and cheerfully drills farther down, as well as into critics collective patience, it seems. It's silly clunky and all over the place, but there's a scrappy likability to its amalgamated stew of genre tropes, masculine posturing and endless explosions. The bomber in question is Alex Swan (Dennis Hopper), a homicidal Irish extremist intent on making life hard for the San Francisco bomb squad, led by explosives expert Frank Glass (a laughably zen Steven Seagal). Hero cop Ray Nettles (Tom Sizemore) previously lost a partner to bombers and has a big score to settle with Swan. And so it goes. Bombs go off. Cops argue. They chase Hopper, who eludes them until the next set of fireworks destroy a wall glass panels or a bridge. Sizemore is surprisingly sedated, not seizing the opportunity to use his lead role as an excuse to tear through scenery like a bulldozer, as is usually his speciality. Seagal is so silly, his intended gravitas landing with all the profundity of an SNL skit. Hopper is demented, even more so than in Speed, and the rental fee is worth it just to hear his perplexing, absolutely wretched Irish accent. Not since Tommy Lee Jones in Blown Away have I laughed that hard at an actor butchering the dialect to high heaven. There's appearances from Nas, Jaime Pressley, Kevin Gage and the always awesome Peter Greene as ana a-hole fellow cop that hounds Sizemore any chance he gets. Quite the cast, and in a perfect world the film they wander through would match their talent. I watched this with the same morbid curiosity that the bystanders gawking at the resulting destruction of one of Hopper's devices no doubt had: incredulity and the inability to look away for missing a moment of a disaster unfolding in front of you.

Ticker is a perfect example of sloppy film making at its best. Continuity errors, scenes from other movies edited into this movie, poor acting, sloppy editing, and an even worse story. Tom Sizemore, Dennis Hopper and Steven Seagal should be ashamed of themselves for participating in such a terrible movie.Basically Ticker centers around a police officer Ray Nettles (Tom Sizemore) who must team up with bomb squad leader Glass (Steven Seagal) to pursue an Irish terrorist Swann (Dennis Hopper in a very poor man's version of his famous role in Speed) who is detonating bombs around San Francisco (you could tell very little of it was filmed in San Francisco and was filmed elsewhere on the cheap). Very derivative, lazy and uninteresting story. The only reason I thought I would check this out was for Tom Sizemore (who was an excellent actor that appeared in Heat, Saving Private Ryan and Black Hawk Down) and plus Steven Seagal when he had box office appeal. I thought Steven Seagal's role would be identical to his role in Executive Decision but its not. Here in Ticker, he was just going through the motions with very minimal effort so he could get his paycheck. Dennis Hopper was very uninspiring as the villain. He was great as the villain in Blue Velvet and Speed, but here is is just sleepwalking though his role.Apparently director Albert Pyun hated the completed version of this movie and I don't blame him in the slightest. I would disown this movie too.If you are a fan of Tom Sizemore, Dennis Hopper or Steven Seagal by all means check it out, but you will be very, very disappointed at how bad this movie is. Everybody else I highly recommend you avoid this bomb at all costs.1/10.

Thomas "Fats" Waller - not a small man himself - knew what he was talking about.In the decade since his masterpiece "Under Siege",Mr S Seagal must have put on 40 pounds round the middle and it wobbles alarmingly when he "runs" - to stretch the word to its most extreme - after(or away from,it was too dark to be sure) a Gang of International Terrorists intent on to blowing up San Francisco - though their motive's not crystal clear. Mr Seagal rolls up (literally)and thwarts their foul enterprise by rendering their infernal machines impotent and dodging (well,moving gingerly out of their path)bullets, progressing as slowly and inexorably as the rock from Ali Baba's cave. As Bomb Squad Chief Glass he sits behind a desk or in a motor car for most of the movie,bestowing Oriental Philosophy 101 upon his motley crew of homies and misfits(what else?). Mr Tom Sizemore plays a "burnout" cop on the edge(yawn,yawn) and Mr Dennis Hopper beats his personal best as an Irish Terrorist in a performance beyond the wildest dreams of scenery - chewing camp. In a cinematic equivalent of "coitus interruptus",the movie fizzles(hardly the word,but it'll have to do)out,leaving only Mr Seagal's bank manager satisfied. It's tragic to watch a great artist in decline.Imagine Yehudi Menuhin walking onstage with three or four days growth of beard and hardly able to scrape "Happy Birthday to you" on an out-of-tune violin?Oscar Peterson sitting down at his piano and forgetting the D minor eleventh suspended in the third measure of "I only have eyes for you"?Jackson Pollock leaving all his drips and splashes at home,going to his studio and,picking up a piece of charcoal,sitting at an easel and drawing a perfect circle?No,of course you can't - it never happened.Sadly,"Ticker" did happen,and Mr Seagal's fall from grace was only too apparent and public.Fortunately he managed to brush himself off,dust himself down and start all over again,but unless you want to see him, at the nadir of his career I suggest you steer well clear of it.

Ticker is a strange movie. It starts out promising, with a good cast, nice story and lots of action. Especially after watching "Out for a kill" which I did 2 weeks ago, this one seems to be much better. And in fact, it is better, especially the acting. Tom Sizemore does a good job, Dennis Hopper is adequate as the bad guy and Joe Spano in a small roll is good too.So what's wrong? First of all, Steven Seagall obviously gained a lot of weight. He just sits there, at his desk or in his car, except for the last 15 minutes or so when finally he decides to kick some ass. However: it is painfully clear that for the action scenes, a stand-in is used. I replayed these scenes in slow motion to verify this, and it is very obvious. Shame on Steven for this.A lot of scenes are really dark, which makes it very hard to see what's happening. Also some of the scenes are too chaotic with good and bad guys running around looking the same. "Out for a kill" had the same problem.Right at the start of the movie, the scene where Seagal's troops jump out of the helicopter by ropes, it is clear that the rope is hanging in a studio. Besides, I have no idea why these bomb experts would land on the roof while they know there's a bomb in the basement.The blue screen car scene with Dennis Hopper and Jaime Pressly has been mentioned a few times already. It is good for a few unintended laughs. The same goes for Hoppers part-time Irish accent, the old police cars with wrong plates and the police choppers without even the word "police" on them.Later on, Jaime blows up the BMW convertible with Hopper in it. It is painfully obvious that the car that's blown up is another model, a much older 4 doors saloon instead of the 2 doors convertible. There's even another car visible blowing up right next to the BMW. I don't know where it came from. Even the surrounding buildings are different before and during the explosion. I suspect this explosion was taken from another movie.The final scenes take place in city hall, where a bal masqué is going on. The room where this takes place looks like a discotheque. Now really, what city hall would look like that? Not surprisingly, this scene too is taken from another movie.Near the end, Steven walks up the stairs towards the roof of city hall to dismantle the bomb on the roof. However, several men with machine guns are sitting there. When they start shooting, Steven decides to walk back. Walk, not run or jump, even when men firing their guns come after him, he takes his time to get some cover. My grandfather walks faster than that.Finally two bombs have to be dismantled. One is in the basement, and Sizemore has to take care of this one, following instructions by Seagall. This is the right time for Seagal to preach some Zen before telling Sizemore how to deal with the bomb. When the bomb in the basement is secured, Seagal takes care of the other one. This is really easy. He just cuts some wires, the timer stops and that's the end of the movie. No suspense, no final fight, no good feelings.My rating: 4/10. One point because this one's better than "Out for a kill", one for Tom Sizemore, one for... I don't know. And one for Steven Seagall, for old times sake.Better rent The Glimmerman or one of the other old style Seagl flicks.