Trailer for a Remake of Gore Vidal's Caligula (2005)

If there is anybody left out there who doesn't recognize this as parody, you're either incredibly ignorant about film, and everything connected to it, or incredibly dense. Come...On! Watch it again, and pay attention this time! Let's start, as the trailer does, with Gore Vidal, one of the most esteemed historical writers of our generation. Why would someone of his caliber seriously license a film that is blatant, gratuitous pornography? Think about it. The first "Caligula" was controversial in it's portrayal of debauchery and violence (mild by today's standards), but at least it was an accurate chronicle of Caligula's life and times, based on research of the documentation. Next, think about what you know of Hollywood, how many films get made that feature a cast dominated by middle aged actresses, some of them has-beens? Although I personally love all these grand dames, let's be real here! Where are the young, anorexic contract starlets that studios demand (like Megan Fox, Elisha Cuthbert, Diane Kruger etc.)? The pretty effeminate young male stars (Zach Ephron)? The only thing not crusty and old in this trailer is Milla Jovovich, and she is known to have a hearty sense of humor. Speaking of casting, what director, who wasn't a complete idiot, with a deathwish for his own career, would cast Courtney Love in a dramatic lead? First we have to buy the lie that Gore Vidal would allow his historical story to be altered so radically as to change the gender of his lead character, and then that the character was a homely, high and tasteless woman (albeit a very talented musician). Courtney Love is suitable for a few bit roles in films, and the lead in only one type of film, a documentary about her own life! Now think about the FCC and the MPAA. We've seen human heads exploding on screen, human body parts juiced in a blender and force fed to a woman, but we've barely seen 10 films out in the last 10 years with full frontal male nudity. The rating a film gets has a direct correlation to it's box office value. It's highly unlikely any studio would fund a film that is guaranteed to garner an "X" rating (one that shows oral copulation with a dildo, using semen as skin cream, and worse), when the biggest movie-going audience is teen aged and unable to get in to see it at the theater. Finally, this trailer is a testament to the fact that Hollywood is aware of just how morally bereft the American viewing public perceives them to be. They know that we believe they would "go there". Thank goodness that somebody there still has a conscience and wouldn't. They're just having some fun, at our expense.

Being that I loved the original "Caligula" even with all its flaws, I have to say this remake trailer was abysmal.Listening to Jovovich say in that lazy American accent "Mmm cuhligyooluh..." makes me feel sick. The set doesn't look Roman at all... it looks like some rich actor's Hollywood mansion backyard, and the Roman costumes look like cheap crap you buy at a suburban costume shop.That "charming" Adriana Asti looks like a fifty year old Hispanic woman totally terrified out of her mind, as if not knowing it's a movie trailer.The acting has got to be some of the worst I've ever seen, with most of the lines I hear being random actors screaming "CALIGULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!" as loudly and obnoxiously annoyingly as they can.The random sex scenes also filled a good 40 or 50% of the trailer, and the scenes with notable actors/actresses like Gerard Butler (who graces the screen in shadows for all of three and a half seconds) not doing anything but looking uncomfortable or going all-out over the top with their minimal lines, just dragging it down with the ridiculousness of their delivery.Courtney Love's part consists of her looking like her usual dumpy crack-whore self leaning against a door mumbling about the moon or something. You can't tell because she's either drunk or high or just mumbling idiotically.Karen Black is just annoying... randomly laughing, and screaming in such a way that irritates you.Helen Mirren... she was in the original, and her return to "Caligula" consists of... "CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALIGULAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I particularly "love" (and by love, I mean hate) Ennia's line, "Caligola... j00 no maki me *something incoherent*.... *something that sounds like j00nalo*" It's also insanely arrogant to say Caligula's four year reign was greater than Jesus's birth and death.Honestly, this has got to be the worst, most exploitative, self-indulgently arrogant piece of crap labeled as "art" I've ever seen. Even if Gore Vidal hated the original Caligula, he shouldn't have shown up or given his name over for this crap-pile, no matter how much they paid him (unless it was a billion trillion yen). Worst trailer ever.

I'd almost give it a 9/10 because of Courtney's rant at the end, but the rest of it is so good I can't possibly give it less than 10. One of the best laughs I'd had in a long time. And Gore Vidal clearly has a sense of humor left. And Helen Mirren looks ravishing in this fake trailer. Would love to see this on DVD. I'd pay $10 to own it legally instead of looking for someone who happens to of uploaded it somewhere. Which is primarily the only way to see this. I give it 10/10 primarily because it looks like it could be a real film. They need this to be on a DVD so we can see how they shot it and where those sets came from. (PS I give it a spoiler warning because maybe the intent was that nobody knows it's a fake trailer. That's a spoiler) 10/10Quality: 10/10 Entertainment: 10/10 Replayable: 10/10

I saw this short film at the Whitney, and it was one of the best things in the whole museum. I found it funny, stylish, and fun to look at. Very over the top in costumes and sex acts performed. The movie also contains the appropriate super dramatic, almost soap opera-ish delivery from the actors--mostly just repeating Caligula's name. They all do it with style and panache. Many of them convey a lot with the one word--censure, disapproval, arousal. The casting of older women, in particular, caught my attention. They all--even in over done make up--look great. Helen Mirren looks particularly fetching in her costume. I will admit that I still have not seen the 70s version of this film--now I will have to hunt it down--so I cannot compare this version to the original, still and all, worth a look!