Creepozoids (1987)

This 1987 horror Sci-Fi movie was somewhat of a dud. Well, given the synopsis and the lack of any famous actors is a clear indicator that you are in for a low budget Sci-Fi ride. And oh boy, were you in for exactly that at the hands of director David DeCoteau.The entire movie just reeked of low budget and suffered from having a poor script. First of all the setting of the movie just didn't pass for what it was intended to do. So the world was in disarray and acidic rains shower the surface. Right, well it just didn't come off as being believable.The creature was actually adequate, albeit not impressive, mind you. It worked well enough for what it was intended to do. Just don't expect to see anything overly impressive. But I am sure that back in 1987 that the creature effects here was quite good.What was a cumbersome anchor around the ankles of the movie was the acting performances put on by the cast. Most of these people seemed like they weren't even trying. And I can't claim to be familiar with a single face or name on the cast list.I was especially impressed with the bowl of fresh fruit that was on the table in one of the scenes. Wouldn't that require a hospitable environment in order to grow fruit? And I am sure that acid rain doesn't qualify for a hospitable environment."Creepozoids" came crawling in without any attention to itself, and it left the exact same way. This was a very poor horror Sci-Fi experience. I have seen it now in 2016, and I will never see it again.

1998. World War III has reduced the planet into a dangerous wasteland complete with acid rain. Five army deserters seek refuge in an abandoned laboratory complex. Naturally, the place turns out to be the stalking grounds for both lethal mutated rats and a huge'n'savage subhuman beast. Man, does this wonderfully wretched junk possess all the right stuff to qualify as a real four-star stinkeroonie: The ham-fisted (non)direction by David DeCouteau (who also co-wrote the dire and hopelessly derivative script with Buford Hauser), the lousy acting, the tacky gore (one guy pukes what looks like motor oil in a mess hall scene that's directly lifted from ALIEN), the endless shots of folks running up and down corridors, the glaring lapses in logic (a post-nuke world which still has functioning computers and showers with clean water in it!), and a seriously lame "it ain't over yet!" final freeze frame all provide a wealth of unintentional belly laughs. Moreover, the cut-rate (far from) special effects are a complete cheesy riot: The hilariously hokey and unconvincing over-sized stuffed rats, some poor schmoe in an obvious rubbery monster suit, and a hysterically pathetic mutant puppet baby are all sidesplitting sorry sights to behold. Richard L. Hawkins as inept squad leader Jake makes for a laughably wimpy and ineffectual would-be hero. As a yummy plus, the ever-luscious Linnea Quigley once again bares her beautifully bountiful breasts and takes a steamy shower. Thomas L. Calloway's dingy cinematography and Guy Moon's redundantly bouncy score are both perfectly putrid. A real cruddy hoot and a half.

First, I don't recall them saying how much time has past since the nuclear war. Second, after the nukes fly that would be it, no more. Everyone knows that a nuclear war will start and end in a matter of minutes. There would be per longed battles or front lines to desert from. So the idea of deserters from the front line of a nuclear war doesn't make any kind of sense no matter how you slice it. I mean, even "The Day After" got that right. Next, the atmosphere was like nothing, we saw no devastated buildings, no destroyed cites, not even stock-footage of a nuclear bomb test. So we nothing of the world they lived in. What was the point of creating an animal that don't need to eat, how will that help mankind even if they got the bloody thing to work? So, what was the point? All of this and to make matters even worse the characters were as likable and as interesting as dried unbuttered toast. I don't blame the cast, they did the best they could with what they had, I put the blame on this on the director and the writer which happen to be the same creep David DeCoteau. Do some freakin' research next time, jerk. I give this train wreck of a movie THE NOOSE!

There's not a lot you can say about Creepozoids, it's really just a rip-off of Alien with an extremely trashy feel. The lighting is poor and the pace is a little slow. However there's some mildly amusing scenes scattered throughout, mostly towards the end when you get to see the monster and the "baby". The monster effects are actually quite decent considering the obvious low budget. I laughed a few times, especially when the guy throws the baby off himself, and also when the monster is apparently holding him up in the air - it's obvious that he's attached to a harness from the ceiling. There's also a few funny scenes involving giant "rats" that look like puppets. Oh, and one of the girls bares her breasts. Creepozoids isn't a total waste of time, but it's not something you'll want to go out of your way to find either.