44 Inch Chest (2009)

What is the worst film ever made? That's a though question, seeing as how film is a very popular art form, as is highlighted by the amount of films there in, both in the past and present. Many of them are masterpieces, while many others are total garbage that no-one should ever see. With so many bad films out there, it can be quite hard to fully determine an answer to that question. However, while many films are rubbish and entertaining, others are just flat out rubbish and boring. This leads many to another complex question: what is the dullest film ever made? Sure, while there are many bad films out there, most of them aren't dull, and even some good movies can be accused of being dull, so it is also a hard question to answer. However, I think that this film is the answer to that question. 44 Inch Chest, a barely-seen low budget British gangster film form 2010, is (in my opinion at least) while not the worst film ever made, it is surely the absolute dullest.Firstly, let's discuss the plot. Colin, a Cockney gangster gets heartbroken after his wife leaves him in favour of another man. In retaliation, his gangster friends kidnap the guy and take him to Colin, as he decides what to do with him, whether that would be forgiving him or killing him. That's the entire plot of the movie. While I don't mind a film having a simple plot, the plot here is very simple to the point of non-existence and the film's achingly slow pace don't help matters, especially with the filler they put in to pad out the length, which is mainly highlighted when Colin's friends discuss another film (Samson and Delilah by Cecil B Demille) in parallel to the situation taking place as well as bringing back the wife character during the film who does barely anything to advance the plot.I said earlier that the film was the dullest film ever. The main reason for that is it's slow pace, and that for the whole running time, nothing seems to happen in the film. There is barely any character development, many of the events in the story seem inconsequential and the film stops rather than ends, meaning that we never know what happened to the main character and whether his actions throughout the film have made him a better person or if he is as still as psychotic as he was before.It doesn't help matters that Colin is very unlikeable. Now, I understand that his character was cheated on, which is something I can sympathize with. What I don't sympathize with however is that Colin is a raving lunatic who brutally attacks his wife for infidelity (even going as far as to chuck her out of the window of their house) and due to his weird outbursts throughout the film, clearly seems to have some sort of psychotic disorder and is very unpredictable, which implies that he has acted similarly to his wife previously, which gives her more than enough justification for cheating on him. None of the other characters are much better. I know this film has an ensemble cast of Britain's best actors, and I should be mad that the film would waste a cast like this, but to be honest there are so many other problems with this heap of manure that the waste of these actors is the least of it's problems. It doesn't help that many of them are given nothing to do, as Tom Wilkinson, Ian Mcshane and Joanne Whalley give good performances despite having nothing to work with. The worst offender surprisingly is John Hurt, as his character is really annoying and the fact that he swears a lot doesn't help.That's another thing that's wrong with this trash, the excessive cussing. I'm not a prude, but the amount of f and c bombs is embarrassing, as they do it very often and it goes really extreme at some points, and it has the mentality of a young kid swearing in order to impress the big boys. I'm sorry, saying the c word for the 20th time won't stop your audience from passing out into a coma. Seriously, this script feels like it was written by 12 year olds who loved Reservoir Dogs and wanted to make a Kubrick version of it.Yes that is what this movie is setting out to do: make Reservoir Dogs if made by Kubrick. Despite how awful that already sounds, the result is far worse, as unlike Reservoir Dogs, there is no tension, laughs or fun due to the achingly slow pace and how the "revenge" part of the plot doesn't begin until an hour in. There is also no revenge in the film, as Colin doesn't do anything to the man who slept with his wife, despite the fact that she was beaten up pretty badly for infidelity. Sure it succeeds in very Kubrickian and there is great cinematography but that also means a slow pace which kills any sort of excitement that you might have. There are honestly many pointless parts here, and you can skip them without missing any plot, especially the Samson and Delilah footage, which does make me think that I could be watching that instead of this garbage. Overall, this is just dull rubbish. The pace is achingly slow, the characters are uninteresting, and there is no resolution to the weak plot that is padded out to get to 90 minutes. The fact that such a great cast is wasted is the least of it's crimes. Stay far far away from this. This is by far the dullest film ever made, and not in a good way.

Colin's wife is leaving him (possibly because he is a loony thug), and Colin's friends persuade him to kidnap her lover and subject the fellow to various unpleasantnesses.Let me say that the cast in this film - Ray Winstone as Colin, also John Hurt, Tom Wilkinson, Ian McShane, Joanne Whalley, Stephen Dillane) are all first rate. If you want an object lesson in applied acting, watch this film.If not, then you may have problems. Because 44 Inch Chest is so relentlessly unpleasant, an entire film full of unpleasant people being deeply unpleasant all the time, that some people - and I'm one of them - may find it almost unwatchable.The victim is deliberately kept mute so that it is difficult to identify - and therefore sympathise - with him. Which means you are left with 5 unpleasant men acting their socks off.This was not to my taste at all.

It's so simple, but just fantastic. Dump of a warehouse, cheated husband,5 faithful friends( thugs or thugs wannabe's), and funny, brilliantly profane, smart script and actors to die for.If you are easily offended with cussing( and I never understood the nation appalled with word f..k, and in the same time in exaltation with violence in their favorite sports and news), just miss this movie. It just isn't for you and your ilk. This is a treatise on machismo and marriage and friendship, and it shows why man are the weaker sex. After all the bluster and violence, what stays is bottomless sadness. This is not "Sexy Beast", it is much better and deeper. Just fantastic...It just proves my point that I've been informed that my review contains a prohibited word. If I owned 20 guns and rifles, nobody would care. But a word that describes a common sexual practice scares everybody.

When I heard the plot of the story I expected lots of violence, but what I actually got was something better. Even though nothing really happens in the movie, the characters make it thoroughly entertaining. However, I may have a biased opinion because I love British movies and there complete over-use of the word "cunt". One man broken hearted by his cheating wife and his best friends kidnap her lover. I love how all the characters are so contrasting. We have the gay sophisticate and the mean old man who thinks he is a pervert and a sexual deviant. The loser older guy who still lives with his mom, and the younger tattooed guy in a suit. Even though the whole story consists of these five men in a house, it still captured my attention the entire time.