A Hazard of Hearts (1987)
When compulsive gambler Sir Giles Staverley has lost his estate and all his money playing dice, he realises that he only has one thing left of value: his daughter Serena. In a final game, he stakes his daughter's hand in marriage, convinced that this time he will not lose. Unfortunately, however, he does lose; to the evil Lord Wrotham. Unable to return home and tell his daughter that he has lost her in a game of dice, Sir Giles kills himself there and then. Lord Vulcan, who has witnessed the events, takes pity on Serena Staverley, although they have never met. He challenges Lord Wrotham to a game of dice in which the winner takes both Staverley Court and Miss Serena.
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I know that Lord Grade (as producer) has been jokingly referred to as "Low" Grade and I knew that Barbara Cartland is supposed to be absolute dreck, but, even given that, this 'film' is so much worse than I expected considering some of the talent involved. Diana Rigg does seem to consciously add a bit of camp to the proceedings and has some very amusing (intentionally? maybe not) lines, but it's a shame that former Avengers writer/producer Albert Fennell couldn't come up with something more worthy of her considering the great genuine wit of that series. We even have music by Avengers composer Laurie Johnson. And one of the New Avengers has a nice little cameo. The dialogue, which I am assuming, comes full-blown from the pen of Cartland (all I can think about is that great Little Britain sketch with Matt Lucas in drag churning out yet another bad formulaic assembly-line bodice-ripper) is some of the most atrocious, cliché, and insipid I have heard in years. I thought they, thankfully, stopped making movies this bad some time in the 1930s. Some of the apparently clueless women who love this sort of coded 'romance' novel and who claim to swoon over the spoiled brat control freaks (not far removed from Cristian Gray) that supposedly pass for men in this odious world of 'romance' are just mind-boggling at not recognizing abusive behavior for what it is. It's anything but romantic.
When I saw Helena Bonham Carter's name among the lead actors in "A Hazard of Hearts," I lulled me into a false sense of promise for this horrifyingly boring, poorly acted made-for-TV movie.This was one of HBC's very first roles, so perhaps she can be forgiven for taking whatever was offered her. Fortuately for her -- and the rest of us -- she went on to make far more artistically gripping work than this. As I understand it, even she shudders at the roles she took at first and the image it initially gave her. The constant music played throughout the film which, years ago, would have been nothing more that white noise to its viewers (I among them), now is cloying and annoying, often dominating many scenes and thus proving to be more than a bit distracting. The best work in the film comes from Christopher Plummer, whose portrayal of HBC's gambling addict father is so wonderful as to make you completely forget all the more regal characters he has more predominantly portrayed and even cause him to look physically different from his normal self. Well done! Diana Rigg's role as the devious mother is also carried off with great strength and polish so that even the camp reactions that might produce snickers from a less accomplished actress are nearly forgiven due to Ms. Rigg's talented work.
As stated above, once you start, you cant stop. this movie, once you've seen it, you'll want to see it again, and again, and again...!I saw it years ago and it proved to be unforgetable. even now, years later, i still remember the marvelous cliches and the beautiful blue eyed gaze of one Marcus Gilbert.Romance at its finest!!!
This movie is such trash, but so totally unpretentious in its trashiness that one can't get too indignant at it. It's based on a Barbara Cartland novel - well, what more is there to say? I will carry with me forever some of the ridiculous lines and scenes from this movie, especially Edward Fox as a Regency villain, sitting on a horse and declaiming lustfully "I *shall* have her!" as he contemplates the winsome Helena Bonham-Carter. Just too funny for words; oh, MST3K, why were you taken from us before the greatest movie of them all came along?