Miss Cast Away (2004)

Director Bryan Michael Stoller apparently wrote the reference book "Movie Making for Dummies". This film is not a good advert for his book and doesn't do his credibility as a director much good at all. I had to look long and hard for a DVD copy of this film before finding a German region 2 copy available under the alternate title of 'Silly Movie 2' (Thankfully, there is no 'Silly Movie 1'). It is riding high in the IMDb database of the 100 worst movies of all time, and upon viewing it, I can say it is placed that highly for a very good reason. Bryan Michael Stoller's direction and script is so incompetent that he actually makes his nearest contemporaries, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer look like genuine Oscar contenders. Compared to this, 'Meet the Spartans' and 'Epic Movie' are like the 'Citizen Kane' of spoof movies. The only two real questions that arise from watching this movie is to wonder how far Julia's brother Eric Roberts had to sink to headline this film, and how on earth the director talked Michael Jackson into performing what is nothing more than a three minute cameo. This was filmed in 2004 and proved to be Jackson's last work as an actor (he died five years later in 2009). The special effects are nothing short of woeful, the acting uniformly dreadful. Even lots of beautiful girls in bikinis can't save this one. As a spoof it's not even funny. See it if you dare, but don't say I didn't warn you what a pile of rubbish it is. Some films are so bad they are actually almost good. This film is just bad.

A plane is about to take off. On board are a bevy of ladies, representing the states of the USA, who are flying off to compete in a beauty pageant. Along with them are reporters and pageant staff. Meanwhile, the Pope has been informed that the remains of Noah's Ark have been found, with Noah in it! His Holiness sends underlings to investigate. Hold onto your bottoms, folks! The aircraft goes down near a deserted island and there may not be enough make-up kits to last until a rescue boat arrives. The gals start fighting while the men organize the ladies into two groups to plan survival strategies. Only no one picks Michael's group, except a lovely brunette. Unbelievably, this is the same island where the Ark was found, with its Congo-type ape protectors AND where the Porkasaurus Rex, a cross between a wild boar and a huge, fierce dino, roams! Who will survive the ordeal, especially when one typical beauty contestant reveals that she has never eaten anything but restaurant meals provided by a handsome male? Ho, ho, fun and games will start! This is an ultra-silly spoof of a long list of films, such as Jurassic Park, Congo, MI, The Love Boat, Miss Congeniality, and other fine movies. In fact, it misses the mark of comedy far MORE than it hits a humorous note. Most of it is so lame that it can be classified as wheelchair-cinema. The cast, all pretty much unknowns, save for Eric Roberts and Stuart Pankin, have mediocre talent at best. However, they are exceedingly gorgeous, especially the ladies, so those searching for an eye-candy cast will be happy. All in all, don't go looking for this one unless you consider it better entertainment than shucking corn or taking out the garbage.

holy sweet murder this is quite possibly the least funny movie i've ever seen. you can take my word for this as truth because it's playing on television right now. it's really one of the most pathetic productions i've ever seen. there is not a single redeemable aspect of this flick. it just lacks any humor whatsoever. the only good thing it possibly has going for it is that it's so unfunny that it's wholly unmemorable. in fact, i just sat through some ridiculous sub-plot and i can't really tell you what went on. the only reason i can even possibly remember having seen this movie is because it's so absolutely humorless it will stick in my mind forever based on that alone.an absolutely must miss. if your friend wants to show it to you, shoot him and save yourself the boredom.

This movie (even calling it a movie is an overstatement) is ridiculously horrible. Normally a huge fan of Eric Roberts in "B" list movies, this tragedy of a flick makes me question his real B list clout! And Charlie, please go back to hoping for a Diagnosis Murder revival rather than this.....you can't blame the nameless eye candy (uhhum...beauty pageant members) for participating in this weak movie, but YOU are a former TV star man! Pull yourself together. Don't even get me started on Stuart Pankin. For the sake of all that is good Stuart, you should have seen this was not necessarily a real movie! Bryan Michael Stoller exemplifies absolute genius only in the fact that he was able to dupe anyone into investing in this picture (money or time).Really, this was no parody or spoof movie although it tries on a 2nd grade level. Mostly, it is poor writing and acting and camera work and editing and....well poor everything. I watched it because I read an article in some mag about agent MJ's involvement and my interest was peaked due to the lawsuit in which he was involved. I now wonder if the only reason they show him from the shoulders up in the movie is because he, like at the trial, showed up wearing pajama bottoms and barely lucid (wait a second, is he ever really considered lucid?...I digress). And Agent MJ? Is that the best they could come up with for a name for his character? Sheez. What a startling piece of originality! Or, maybe that was supposed to be funny? Putting Marriott into the movie was a nice touch at first, but overdone and annoying after all is said and done.Spare yourself the grief of watching......don't say I didn't warn you.