Crazy Eyes (2012)

Those who saw 'Witness' (I didn't) may recall Lukas Haas, its child star. Well, now he's grown up and in 'Crazy Eyes' plays a millionaire alcoholic drug-addict who spends his days trying to convince the titular prostitute to have sex with him (given his awful beardy thing it's no wonder she keeps turning him down). The film is okay, but can't seem to decide if it's a serious work or a comedy: hangovers seem to be played for laughs, but family scenes that demonstrate how much Haas' character is ignoring his responsibilities are drama. There's a child actor in this film, too, but unless he gets his adenoids sorted out he's unlikely to follow in Haas' adult footsteps.

. . . and why isn't any of the alleged $10 million budget shown on screen? I could see that the part where Rebecca totals her junker car on a fountain or something might cost a few hundred bucks to stage, but the TV career actors who "grace" CRAZY EYES just seem to be picking up paychecks, as nothing really heartfelt is conveyed. The plot of this flick leads absolutely nowhere, and there is not one character who earns even the tiniest smidgen of empathy. When one finally croaks, the viewer only wishes that the whole story was taking place inside his head, which would have ended this miserable mess right there. No such luck. This story states that the 8 million residents of the L.A. area are entirely interchangeable in protagonist Zach's opening voice-over, and Lukas Haas as Zach does a good job of convincing those unfortunate enough to watch CRAZY EYES through to the close that "Zach" was right: no guy alive in Hollywood could have done a WORSE job of playing Zach as a booze-swilling womanizing loser with totally nothing to remember him by. (Tip for Haas: rent Nick Cage in LEAVING VEGAS.)

Call me crazy (you won't be the first) but I feel that the independent movie "Crazy Eyes" was able to achieve its vision of a man and a woman consumed by troubles who resort to each other and a few bottles of the finest spirits to uplift their spirits. "Crazy Eyes" stars Lukas Haas as Zach, a pre-middle aged California man, wealthy by probably inheritance nature, who has a crazy crush on a younger recluse of a gal called Rebecca who bottles up her escapism with a few bottles of Jack Daniels, Johnnie Walker, Jose Cuervo, and the rest of the usual liquorish characters we have all come to ingest from time to time. Rebecca does not reciprocate the same affection that Zach has for her, but nevertheless keeps him around; maybe for his money, or maybe because they share the same taste in beverages. Zach is divorced from a gold- digger beauty who wants the green from the Zach machine to keep her in the upstate Cali beachside world. They share a young son who Zach does visit and loves, but then again Zach should not be applying for any "Father of the Year" Award. Zach is primarily consumed with his lust for Rebecca and his passion for drinks, drinks, and yet more drinks. Zach's best buddy is a Cali bartender (no shocker here) named Dan Drake, also quite a lush himself who consumes his own inventory among a plethora of hardcore drugs. "Crazy Eyes" is not a balanced film whatsoever, and Director Adam Sherman does helm it with an unorthodox style which is not pretty in nature, but somehow it does have an effect; which is pretty much a microcosm of most of our drunken nights. Sherman scripted "Crazy Eyes" with Dan Reeves, and their screenplay is not a classic one and it falls short in trying to mirror some of the bravado elements of "Leaving Las Vegas", but somehow it gets the job done. Haas performance was solid as Zach. However, Madeline Zima's work as Rebecca was a bit overacted, and it seemed like that she had way too many Zima bottles to get into character. Jake Busey, Gary's son, performance as Dan Drake served up some good thespian ingredients. And Tania Raymonde's "easy on the eyes" work as a drug-addicted sleazy deserves a second round of work in other movies. "Crazy Eyes" is not a perfect structured movie whatsoever, but it did give me tipsy enough to buy into it, and vastly enjoy it. ***** Excellent

What's a "poor," aimless, alcoholic rich boy to do when he can't nail the girl he's fixated on? Keep trying.There. I just saved you 96 minutes. That's the running time of "Crazy Eyes," director Adam Sherman's take on the classic Hollywood "drunk" genre. You know, the "drinking himself to death, screwed up his family, can't find a human connection, maybe gonna get rescued" type of film.Lukas Haas plays Zach, the aforementioned drunk. Zach spends all of his time getting drunk and getting laid (usually in that order.) His money affords him the opportunity to do this. (Where did he get it? We never know.) He has the fancy house, the fancy car and the wad of cash to flash to bed anyone he wants. And he does, until he meets Rebecca (Madeline Zima.) You see, she'll sleep with him, but that's all. 'Sleep,' as in lie next to naked and pass out. No sex. Nada.Zach, as one would imagine, finds this very frustrating. He finds himself obsessed with this girl (nicknamed "Crazy Eyes," although Zima's eyes don't appear particularly 'crazy' to this reviewer) and sets about winning her over. Does this stop him from banging anything else that moves? Not really. They are a perfect match, however, as she is as much a raging alcoholic as he is. Special note should be made that "Crazy Eyes" may set the record for number of "heaving" scenes in a film. (I half expected to see "Vomit Wrangler" listed among the crew credits.)Zach's quest is complicated by family drama. He's got parents who are slightly off (the always welcome Ray Wise and Valerie Mahaffey) and an ex-wife and child to deal with (Moran Atias and an affecting Blake Garrett.) Some amusement is provided by Zach's bar tending best buddy Dan (Jake Busey, in a performance that calls to mind his father.) These vignettes do break up the monotony of Zach's repeated failed attempts at breaking down Rebecca's resistance, but not much.So where does all this lead to? Pretty much where you expect. And that's the problem. Grounded in solid performances by Haas and the supporting cast (but not by the erratic Zima,) "Crazy Eyes" tells a story told before and better. The dialogue veers into the laughable at points, and by the end of the film you're left with an overwhelming sense of "meh." What was the point? www.worstshowontheweb.com