John Goldfarb, Please Come Home! (1965)

"It's the happiest, wackiest, zaniest comedy you'll ever see!" screamed the tagline on the British poster for this manic '60s movie. As far as mis-selling a product goes, this has to be one of the most misleading claims in the history of cinema. Happy? Wacky? Zany? Comedy? There are only nine words in the entire tagline, and four of them are completely untrue! John Goldfarb, Please Come Home is a complete disaster from start to finish, an embarrassment for its stars and director, and a film that will leave viewers shaking their head in disbelief and asking one very pertinent question: how could this much talent serve up something this awful? Once-trailblazing journalist Jenny Ericson (Shirley Maclaine) is on the verge of being ditched by Strife magazine. Her pizazz has gone; her eye for a great story has deserted her. Her one shot at redemption comes when she decides to go undercover in the Middle Eastern country of Fawzia, working to expose the sleazy happenings in the harem of the infantile and lecherous King Fawz (Peter Ustinov). Meanwhile, the American Air Force enlists an accident prone pilot by the name of John Goldfarb (Richard Crenna) to fly a spy mission over the Soviet Union. Goldfarb has borne the unwanted nickname "Wrong Way Goldfarb" for years – ever since, as a Notre Dame football player, he ran 95 yards to score a touchdown in his OWN end zone – and he is soon up to his old tricks again when he accidentally flies thousands of miles off course and ends up crashing his plane in Fawzia. The befuddled Goldfarb ends up in King Fawz's palace, where he comes across Jenny disguised as a harem girl, pursuing her undercover scoop. Soon though, she has a bigger story on her hands when the King blackmails Goldfarb into coaching a ragtag Arab football team, and arranges for them play a fixed exhibition match against Goldfarb's old crew, the boys from Notre Dame.Based on a novel by William Peter Blatty (later famous for penning The Exorcist), this wild farce is pitched at a level of frantic hysteria from the word go. Every actor is encouraged to shout and scream with reckless abandon – I don't remember another time when the usually likable MacLaine comes across so shrill and irritating, while Ustinov is horribly wasted in what can only be described as a retarded role as the King. Even Crenna - who has made his share of turkeys down the years – might count this as a candidate for his all-time nadir. Blatty's script is an unholy mess, piling absurdity upon absurdity without any sense of comic timing, narrative flow or subtlety. In the face of all this chaos, director J-Lee Thompson throws caution to the wind and allows everyone to do whatever the hell they please. The result is like witnessing a motorway pile-up in horrifying close-up colour. Collectors of terrible movies will have a ball with this one.

When you think of zany Hollywood comedies, the names of director J. Lee Thompson and screenwriter William Peter Blatty probably don't immediately come to mind. "John Goldfarb" is a with-it satire of politics, fads, football, feminism and other topical issues which audiences of 1965 preferred to be without. Richard Crenna plays a piloting spy (nicknamed "Wrong Way Goldfarb") who thinks he's bailed out over the U.S.S.R.; instead, it's an Arab country ruled by gadget-crazy nut Peter Ustinov. Meanwhile, magazine writer Shirley MacLaine (who also warbles the title song!) has infiltrated Ustinov's harem, apparently trying to get the scoop of the century (but on what, I couldn't figure out). Too many targets and sight-gags render the loosely-hinged plot irrelevant, however some of MacLaine's shrieks are good for a laugh (and she looks cute in a hot-pink two-piece). What were these talented filmmakers thinking when they hatched this rotten egg? It's just a brightly-painted doodle, but even screwball nonsense should have at least one sane person to steer the ship. The cast here is kept running back and forth, waving their arms and yelling insults, while director Thompson must've been chortling in his sleep. * from ****

This movie was excellent when I was 10 and every time I see it (have it on VHS) cracks me up! I hate to contradict other reviewers, but the trains are not "Toy Trains". They are actual live steam locomotives. They were supplied by Mrs. Lewis from Lomita CA. Her company was "Little Engines". She loaned them to this movie. She was a member of the Los Angeles Live Steamers back then as was Walt Disney, David Rose and others. They are machined to various scales, but they are not toys, some are upwards of $30,000. Many have been used in other show such as Silver Spoons. We love this movie just to see the engines and the King drive his scooter that is even funnier. Shirley is the best as always and Richard Crenna never gets a break!

I saw this as a child & thought it was bad. Now that time has gone by, it is just awful. I would put it as the worst film ever made, but the cast raises it to the level of a 1 instead of a zero. This movie scared me away from Richard Crenna films for the rest of my like. I remember him on The Real McCoys with Walter Brennan. That was much better than this. I hope todays terrorists never get a hold of this as the sheik stereotype in this film would confuse them & make them hate Americans even more if that is possible. Even Shirley Mclaine who is normally an appealing woman (espcially at this younger age), is not appealing at all in this movie. Don't waste your time on this one, I warn you as it is too late for me but not for you if you haven't seen this turkey.