Hard Rock Zombies (1985)

Overall, I would agree with people that "Hard Rock Zombies" is not a very good movie. There's very little story in this movie, and things get more and more incomprehensible as they go along. The acting is pretty bad. The referencing to the real life "showers" in Nazi concentration camps is very tasteless. And the music, while not among the worst songs I have ever listened to, is very unmemorable - you'll instantly forget the songs as soon as they finish. Still, there are a few good things among the rubble. The direction is more energetic that you might think. The make-up effects, for a real low budget feature, aren't bad. And the movie is so strange at times, it almost must be seen to be believed. No, don't seek out this movie... but if you are forced to watch it, you won't find it COMPLETELY painful and worthless.

Many aspects of this film might remind you of a Lloyd Kaufman Troma movie, only cheesier, and with a more disjointed plot (yes, both those points are possible). There will be no mistaking that this film comes from the 80s, with the poofy hair and glam rock. Hard Rock Zombies contains several montages, most of them embarrassing, and one of them confusing.There are certainly some unique scenes in this film that you're likely to have never seen before, however, part of the reason for that is how dumb and/or absurd they are. The plot is mostly nonsensical, and sometimes difficult to follow. That being said, the absolute silly nature of this film is what made it most enjoyable. This is the first movie I've seen with a Nazi zombie midget riding and biting a cow.Gorehounds: there is a pretty steady stream of violence throughout the film, some effects are better than others, but I would say they were pretty good for the very low budget they presumably had. While there aren't too many innovative acts of mayhem, there were a few things I hadn't seen before.Some might wonder about the nudity factor. There are really only two scenes, and they are very brief. They feature the same woman. You see her buttocks briefly in both shots, and breasts in both, from 5 miles away in the first scene, and very briefly close-up in the second (in the shower). It seems the actress may have been somewhat uneasy about baring her breasts. Watch as she stabs a man, while taking care to cover her breasts with her free arm! That said, she is well-endowed, and, well, a hot 80s blonde! This movie is worth checking out if you like absurd and cheesy comedy horror, and don't mind or enjoy sappy romance. You will learn about the evils of rock 'n roll, the means of resurrecting the dead (which the movie can't seem to decide on), and the true fate of Adolf Hitler.

~Spoiler~In my recent review for Black Roses I said that film should be viewed as part of a double bill with Rock 'n Roll Nightmare. Well, let's go ahead and make it a triple feature...with Hard Rock Zombies. Hard Rock Zombies is so ridiculous it BEGS to be seen. As does the mane on the lead singer in the flick. That mullet is ultimate 80's. HRZ's has no plot, just one bad music video after another. It's sex, zombies, Nazis, werewolf grannies, and rock 'n roll. Oddly enough no drugs though. Well, not in the film anyhow. Behind the scenes...I'm pretty sure. If you enjoy so-bad-it's-good, check this one out.

I had the pleasure of viewing yet another odd addition to the zombie horror genre: Hard Rock Zombies. Our movie starts out with some blond chick hitch-hiking on the highway who then gets picked up by 2 guys in a sports car, goes skinny dipping with them, and then kills them both while a man accompanied by 2 weird midgets (one of which is deformed) photographs the entire event. Then we are introduced to the main characters of our flick, a rock band, led by Jessie who is the bass player and lead singer. They're jamming at a gig and then head into a back room after the show to have some fun with the groupies. While in the back room, a strange girl named Cassie warns Jessie not to play their next gig in this town called Grand Guignol. When he asks for an explanation she doesn't give him one and leaves Jessie hanging. Problem is, they can't skip the next town because a big shot talent scout is going to be there to watch the show.So they go to Grand Guignol anyways even though they've been warned. On the way, Jessie is fumbling around with an ancient incantation he found while playing it over a rock bass line. They show up in the town, which is composed of stereotypical local yokel folks, and dance around. Yes, that's right - dance around. See, Hard Rock Zombies is also a musical and whenever the movie takes you into a musical number it's shot like a music video. This is pretty hilarious since the music is standard cheese ball 80's stuff and the antics in the video are lame at best. Still, I'm laughing.Well, wouldn't you know, the same blond chick from the opening scene lives there and offers to put the band up in her mansion vice the local hotel. They accept since every one of the members wants to nail her except for Jessie who is falling for the odd Cassie girl. Unbeknownest to our heroes, Adolph Hitler, Eva Braun (who is also a werewolf), and the photographer with his 2 weird midgets also live in the mansion. The town is also not happy that they've arrived and quickly pass a measure to ban all rock and roll music at a town meeting. Jessie finds out that his incantation is effective for bringing the dead back to life after fooling around with it in his room. He then records it with his bass line and tells Cassie to play the tape at their graves should something tragic happen to him and the band.Sure enough, Adolph and his buddies kill the entire band in various ways including one scene that's an obvious tribute to Hitchcock's "Psycho". The heart broken Cassie laments at Jessie's grave and then plays the tape. Voila! Our heroes emerge from the grave, looking paler, and proceed to walk and dance around the town like robots. Yes, that's right, LIKE ROBOTS. The standard groaning, lumbering slowly, and arms straight out zombie gait does not apply here. Oh yeah, and this is set to another cool song with the accompanying music video. Groovy!Our heroes take revenge on their antagonizers and then play their gig to an audience of one: the talent scout. Another music video accompanies this bit and it's a sentimental ballad dedicated to Cassie. Things get crazier from there. More people come back from the dead and the deformed midget sits at the dinner table and decides to eat HIMSELF. The town residents go into a panic and devise humorous ways to defeat the zombies. Finally one person convinces the rest that they need a virgin to be ravished by the zombies at midnight on a full moon so that the zombies will slumber for 100 years. Guess who the virgin is?I won't give away the ending but the deformed midget does succeed in eating himself and Hitler's gas chamber makes an appearance. Hard Rock Zombies has gotten crap reviews on almost every site that I looked at. Well, I think that what these people were missing was that Hard Rock Zombies is not a movie to be taken seriously. This is strictly campy fun and I got quite a few laughs from it. Hard Rock Zombies succeeds as a horror based comedy, not by design, but only by serendipity.