Sub Zero (2005)

I direct you to the plethora of reviews that point out the hilarity of the script, plot lines, acting, and stunts, the absolute impossibility of the political implications, horrible technicals in climbing (gear clothing, physical fitness, NO Sherpas, the EMP, ad infinitum) ALL add up to a totally ridiculous jaunt up a mountain chasing a glow in the dark Rubik's cube upon which the fate of the world rests.All that being said NUMEROUS times, there is some magnificent footage of the mountains, avalanches, breathtaking, sweeping vistas that will either excite you, kick your death wish sporting sense into overdrive, make you wonder how on God's 3rd rock from the sun ANYONE considers mountaineering FUN BUT will across the board make you feel small and leave you awe struck.If you go into this with a coupla joints, a bucket of salty buttery popcorn, a Big Gulp and absolutely nothing else to do on a cold rainy day you will not feel like you've been robbed of 90 minutes of your life -- It is what it is - a piece of straight to DVD B grade fluff made to entertain, not educate you on WMDs, mountain climbing, global political relations, or American clichés (and there are 85 minutes of clichés) - if you are looking for American Oscar worthy films, BAFTA contenders or even Golden Globe potential -- MOVE ON. if you like a train wreck of a film that will, if nothing else, entertain you - it's worth a watch... and ladies, you gotta admit the guys are HOT.....

SPOILERS: IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE PLOT OF THIS GOD AWFUL FILM THEN DON'T READ.After September 11; Nato sanctioned the secret launch of EMP Laser satellites designed to be used as a weapon (forgot the purpose) but they've malfunctioned and in a short (but unknown cause I'm forgotten) period of time they're all going to go off which will cause the destruction of every electrical device on the planet and sent the world back to the stone age. They can't shoot down the satellites cause they're designed to EMP anything that enters a mile of its orbit. So the only way to stop it is by turning it off at the 'Cube' on K2.Obviously there's terrorists (Russian Terrorsits :O) dodgy Russian's, one of the climbing team has mysteriously been killed so the leader has asked his old climbing friend to join them who is now a monk after him and the leader lost a friend on a climb.It's lame, it's crap but if its on TV beats watching some other crap with adverts every 5 minutes (if in America) or if you come home from 6th Form to find there is nothing on you haven't already seen at least 17 times and your only hope is, I kneel and pray, crap TV Movies on the Sci Fi Channel.

Sure, look at the cast, look at who directed, know it's a straight to DVD release and figure the couple of bucks to rent it is a gallon of gas not in your tank. But go with the gas in your tank than the gas coming off the screen. This is just a variation on the 'Cliffhanger' story of an expert climber who loses a female climber to an accident, gives up climbing, then is coaxed back up by circumstance. In this case it is over some gimmicky Rubik's cube device that's sitting atop K2 in the Himalayas (as played by a Canadian mountain stand-in and played well). Mandylor and Peeples and a few others are hired by the President to get their butts up that mountain and retrieve that cube before the clock ticks down and it fires up satellites around the Earth to destroy the world (which is absurd since no satellites have the ability to fire laser beams that would destroy entire cities). Nia Peeples still looks good and does well as a feisty fellow climber. Nobody else makes an impression (unless you enjoy the humorously thick Natasha accent of one of the Russian climbers). There is some decent avalanche footage and other location shooting that gives the film some authenticity (none of that horrible process screen or computerized imagery). And the big finish had some good elements but it was all but killed by the stumbling direction and suspenseless score. Too bad. But I looked at the cast, and I looked at the director, knew it was a straight to DVD release, and I spent my money... so what was I thinking?

"Sub Zero" is very entertaining. It's a silly spin on "Cliffhanger". The plot is about six climbers who have to deactivate a bomb on a mountain. The bomb looks like a Rubik's cube. If it goes off it will destroy the world.You don't watch a Jim Wynorski movie (the alias this time is Jay Andrews) and expect a masterpiece.The acting is above-average for this type of film, the performances that stand out are Linden Ashby and Nia Peeples. The cast looks like they are having fun with the script. The special effects aren't the greatest, but who cares.In the end: If you want to laugh and be on the edge of your seat, you can't go wrong with "Sub Zero".For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com