Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves (2015)

This is the third in the series of a Masterpiece Theater spoof hosted by St. James St. James (pronounced Saint James Street James). In this story he corrects history by giving us the real story of Helen Keller, made blind and deaf by nightwolves, which she learned to fight blind and deaf.The film is designed to be campy and spoofs modern society and film making, but not as good as they could do it. The jokes got old and the bits were expected. The anachronism shamelessly abounded as part of the humor, but when flooded by them, it loses its appeal. Helen Keller jokes were very funny when I was nine, as an adult, they are simply old...besides they missed the best ones and messed up others.Guide: F-bomb. No sex or nudity.

I felt embarrassed while watching this deeply juvenile and completely offensive B-movie, which takes the story of the real-life deaf/blind Helen Keller and mixes it with werewolves in a way similar to ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER. This is a film that mercilessly lampoons the disabled; the depiction of the bumbling, idiotic Keller character is stupid beyond belief, and the poor production values means that the action rarely leaves a single set. The humour is forced and unfunny, and how they got 'proper' actors like Barry Bostwick and Lin Shaye to appear, I have no idea.

First off, I consider myself a huge Ross Patterson fan. I own all of his movies and his book and I'm pretty sure I have a lock of hair floating around somewhere in my house. That being said, it saddens me that I couldn't give this movie the stellar review I'd hoped. First off, the movie is outrageous, which is great; the title alone is enough to make a viewer chuckle. Second, the main actors did an amazing job especially Jesse Merlin who portrayed Helen Keller's gay brother. Now for the bad news. It seems to me that director Ross Patterson simply took the elements that worked in his previous movies (Voice overs for example) then did them to death in Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves. The scenes with Saint James Street James didn't even compare to those in Poolboy 2 Drowning Out the Fury, and a lot of the times the over the top elements of the movie went on just a bit too long and became annoying. To put it in simple terms, I just didn't find myself laughing very much (even while viewing during alcohol consumption), and that is why a viewer watches a Ross Patterson movie, to laugh. Any fan of crazy comedies will get a kick out of this movie, but in terms of Ross Patterson movies it is a HJ. It will never be your first choice, but after a sad sigh you will take it. No hard feelings Ross, looking forward to the next one.

Not only did the director capture the true essence of who Helen Keller really was, it seems like he LIVED it. Did I direct it? Maybe. But ask yourself this... didn't WE all direct it? Once you see these Nightwolves up close in stock footage you'll feel as if you were really there throughout every single last page ever taught to us in a history book. I for one LOVED it. NAY, I NEEDED this film. Anyone who says they didn't like this film probably needs to get their bicycle seats adjusted by a professional at a bike shop. Not just some hobbyist out in a garage. I'm talking about a real bicycle shop in a metropolitan area.