Picnic (2000)

I don't like the 1955 version. There. I said it. William Holden was great in movies where he played a guy who was too smart for his own good, but in Picnic he seemed to me like a guy who was given a pass on the brain problem due to his study bod. Maybe that's how it works but I don't have to like it.This remake takes the position that all these country-fried boobs could be brainy in a universe created by a playwright. So, in this version, they are. They're even pacifist and have weird liberal ideas and actually decide to reject things like materialism and money grubbing.Needless to say, this rubs some folks the wrong way. They prefer the incoherent 1955 version where everybody is motivated by good old American lust without the ding dang lib- tard poly-ticks.I boosted the rating for political reasons.

I know it's become a cliché to pour scorn on movie re-makes and it's probably unfair to compare a TV movie with one made for the big screen, but this version of "Picnic" is so inconsolably bad that I feel it deserves no excuses. The original (1955 version) was magical in the way it moved all of a part, as though nobody was directing it. This re-make has a steely, contemporary feel to it; the acting is stiff and self-conscious and the cinematography heavy and uninspiring. Please watch William Holden as the charming bum-in-town and Kim Novak as the wistful country girl in the 1955 version (directed by Joshua Logan) and you'll see what I mean.

According to reviewers, the year is 1955 and the players are 20 year-old college kids about to enter grad school. Jolly joke!1955? The synthesizer keyboard was not invented yet, but there it is on the bandstand. The Ford Pony Car was not invented yet, but there it is playing oldies music. The synthesizer appeared to be a model from the mid 1970's. The Pony Car at best is from the mid 1960's.20 year-old college kids? Josh Brolin had seen 32 birthdays when this made-for-TV movie was produced.The plot is so predictable that viewers have plenty of spare time to think of all the errors appearing upon their TV's.

Perhaps it's because I am so in love with the William Holden - Kim Novak version, or because I'm not a Gen-X'er, but this was absolutely the worst remake I have ever seen. Without the original's soundtrack, it just seemed like another typical TV movie...yes, about as bland as Kraft cheese.