Last Knights (2015)

A reminder to us peasants that the elites if they over reach in their grasping corrupt oppression are not all-powerful. The 47 ronin trope is a powerful message against the powerful abusing their position. Also tells us to be prepared to pay the consequences if you think you should go righting injustices.And I always enjoy Clive Owen.

First of all, this movie is a potpourri of accents, most of which makes for VERY awkward line deliveries and just stilted English.Next, the annoying mish-mash of cultures and ethnic identities, alongside the equally annoying meta-historical timeline, is not only forced, but embarrassingly hokey.Finally, the script is badly paced and the arcs never come, or if they did, they were sooo subtle that they flew over my head. I have read that it is originally a Japanese story; unfortunately, its transposition was just not handled craftily enough for a non-Japanese audience. Frankly, this isn't even fun kitsch.

Commander Raiden (Clive Owen) and his knights serve honorably and loyally to their lord Bartok (Morgan Freeman). With his son dead, Bartok assigns Raiden as his heir. Bartok refuses to pay a bribe to corrupt minister Geza Mott of the empire and is executed for it. With Bartok's estate and men scattered, Geza Mott fears revenge from Raiden. Raiden falls into a state of drunken depression despite Lt. Cortez (Cliff Curtis) and others' best efforts. Eventually, Raiden's slide convinces Geza Mott of his lost of will.At first, the oddly international cast and the non-specific history led to me to wonder where and when this takes place. Eventually, I accepted its non-specific alternate-history world but it's still bothersome. The story is terribly slow and lacks intensity. It does have an interesting turn which is clearly telegraphed. The film is simply tired. There are lots of CGI and action in the third act but they are mostly lower level. By then, it doesn't matter anyways. This is a weak sword adventure film.

Last Knights is a special kind of bad movie. It has some decent cinematography. Pretty OK acting. The story is cliché but it's also a good kind of cliché - which is to say that there are a lot of elements to the story that are enjoyable to watch time and time again. Yet - at the same time - this film is just so awful. It's kind of one of those movie "limbo" films. The premise is that some knight has to kill his mentor because the mentor insults the emperor. So he feels he loses his honor. Turns into a drunk. Then he has a change of heart - gets his team of knights back together - and goes on a rampage to defeat his enemies and restore his honor. This sounds kinda awesome - except in this film - it's not!One of the weirdest parts of this movie is that it seems to take place in some European land - but there are Asians, Hispanics, blacks, and whites. (Of course the lead is a straight white male - so what really was the point of the diversity?) The casting is so freakishly wonky it's just hard to explain - there is no credibility to the story. None. Most freakish of all is the emperor is just some little Hispanic guy who basically has no presence whatsoever. In fact, none of the villains in this film have any presence. They whine. Talk. Pout. Drink. The heroes also have no presence. They whine. Talk. Pout. Drink. The combat scenes are terrible and the CGI sets are weak sauce. One especially troubling scene is when our hero goes and rescues a woman from a brothel - and the screen just fades to black instead of shows the epic rescue. Big time let down - that was a blown opportunity for an audience to bond with the main character. It is basically an epic film that is not epic. It is so far from epic - what is the polar opposite of epic? Short? Stupid? Boring? Dull? Lame? A total waste of time and space?In general - this film is a movie that is basically a remake of 47 Ronin - but it is just terrible. However, it is not un-watchable. So for that - three stars.