The Scorpion King 2: Rise of a Warrior (2008)

I can handle corny, silly and even bad acting if the story is good and the plot makes some sense and the action is plausible. Heck, while I liked most of the mummy movies and even felt the first scorpion king was worth watching...once; this movie was a colossal waist of time.Not often is a movie so bad I felt obligated to warn other's to stay away. The director Russell Mulcahy has done some decent movies in the past; but definitely cheated the people who financed this debacle. It is perhaps the worst job of directing I have sense since.....well ever. It was obvious they were just trying to cash in on the first Scorpion King movie, the director appeared not even to try and ensure a half way decent product; confusing plot line, jumping from one part of the earth to the other in a matter of seconds with no explanation on how they got there, (hours to get into forest, seconds to get out???) implausible fight scenes at the end (both the arena and the scorpion) that were so bad it made me angry I even watched it till the ending. I was like, Really Director...ugh

Someone in Hollywood got bored and said to themselves, "I think I'll make another D-grade sequel to another film that hasn't had a sequel yet, because every film needs a sequel." Thus, Scorpion King 2 was born. I rank this right up there with "War of the Worlds 2" and "Highlander 2". I think I've had enough of Hollywood's assembly-line mentality. Good movies can't be manufactured; they need to be created. It seems everything is made of cardboard these days, and mediocrity is King.While you're at it, how about making "Titanic 2", "Driving Miss Daisy 2", and "Saving Private Ryan 2", because every movie needs a cheap sequel. I just can't wait!

Every single criticism of this movie is pretty much correct. But I still had fun.I hate defending a movie because you have to accept it "for what it is," but I'll make an exception for this fine and dandy B-movie, because you really do have to accept it for what it is. There's no possible way to enjoy it if you take it seriously... but there's also no reason to take it seriously! But has there ever really been a "good" serious film in this genre? Precious few, maybe none.Somewhere early on I got the idea that the movie felt pretty much exactly like playing a D&D module, and that mental picture actually really worked for me -- it felt nostalgic. Once I had that in my head, it was easy to favorably compare the film to many other films that have tried the same thing and failed much (much) more horribly. I have turned off many other contenders. Notice I'm still not saying that this film was "good" -- just much less bad than a lot of films of the same general type. I'm saying it was good for a B movie.It was good for a B movie especially because the acting and script were not gratingly horrible. (Okay, the wrestler-dude king was as stiff as a board, I can't deny that.) But the young fella and whatshercuteface were actually pretty good, and the scribe guy wasn't so horrible either. They seemed to be comfortable and having fun in their silly little roles, and they were actually responding to each other, not just reading the lines. That's way, way more than you can expect from most B movies.So, seriously, don't take this film seriously. Of course it's not "good". If you want to watch this sort of thing, cut it some slack and have a good time. You could definitely do worse!

1. Whites comprise much of the civilization b/w the Euphrates and Tigris rivers rather than Arabs/Persians2. If oil is engulfed w/ fire, a handful of dirt can extinguish flaming oil 3. Extinguishing the flames on the wall will stop the flaming oil from spreading on the ground 4. an Indian girl can clearly communicate w/ a Chinese person (who only speaks Chinese) by speaking English 5. Don't trust a Greek 6.Randy Couture forgot that he should never trust a Greek 7. A Chinese acrobat can catch a flaming arrow and then chuck it back at the archer w/ pinpoint accuracy and with more force than a bow 8. All Chinese guys are superbly proficient in martial arts 9. Randy Couture uses black magic 10. Despite knowing black magic, Randy Couture doesn't see that the Greek had no intention of serving him 11. Kings practice MMA w/ their bodyguards 12. Every citizen wears middle-ages clothing. 13. The main city of Arcadia is located in the middle of the desert without any water supplies or fields. 14. Despite how many times you lie to an Chinese guy, he will always follow you, and eventually setup a store in your town. 15.The King's palace is best placed right in front of the city gates. 16.Randy Couture keeps a replica Sword of Damocles on his table. 17. A white woman and an Latin man can produce a half Filipino warrior. 18. If someone is trying to kill you because you told them there would be vast treasure, point them to a single ring and they will leave you alone. 19. If you are hired as the kings bodyguard,he will let you have sex with most of his concubines. 20. If somebody tells you that Underworld is a shortcut to China then you should consider it twice. 21. Prisoners learn English very fast. One second they don't understand it, the other second they do. 22. Even if you don't look like your father, people who are in debt to him will recognize you as his son. 23. Everyone spoke English in Egypt and used words like "agitated" 24. If you are a queen of power, you must talk slowly, real slow. So slow in fact, that you ensure all viewers have disappeared for a coffee and cake only to return to the next scene when, supposedly something else is supposed to happen. 25. The King's veteran elite personal guard can be taken out by a new single Black Scorpion and his untrained brother. 26. Even though tea was discovered 1000BC, the Accadians knew of it. As Mathayus mentions " a cup of tea" at the end. 27. If I don't want to marry my arranged fiancé, I can run away, steal my dowry, and return back to my village as if it were no big deal. 28.Getting branded by hot branding iron leaves no smoke. 29. If you're enough of an acrobat, and have the aid of a bumbling Greek poet, you can catch a magically spinning sword without losing a hand or even getting a cut.