Survivor (2015)

This movie was truly nonsense. Had the makers of this movie invested even a small sum of money for an actual state department foreign service employee to advise the director on how things work at U.S. embassies this might have been a decent movie. It had a great cast but the director seems have been on vacation. Just a stupid movie and not worth the time.

The movie is produced with the idea, to Position more female super Heros in Movies. An female Agent of Homeland security is sent to London to make sure no bad terrorists get a visa to the US (which is anyhow strange, since European citizens do not Need a visa to get to the US).Within the plot, Milla Jovovich who Plays the super hero gets twice blasted by explosions which devastate the environment around her. But she is not hurt and can continue to super-hero. Every other second someone misses her by Shooting at her. She beats up guys badly, takes their guns from them and shoots them. I think it is a fine Play for women-rights activists. I - personally - was attempted to leave after an hour. I should have done it.Thanks. But no thanks.

Stop. Stop the DVD. Stop the stream. Stop the torrent. There is nothing worth watching here other than a waste of acting talent. Instead watch The Shallows. I was lucky enough to have that DVD from the library as well, even though I did not know enough to turn off this crap until after I watched it. Now you know. Spare yourself.There must be a completely clueless elite that produces, writes, and directs atrocities like this. They have no connection to any human behaviors not involving limos and Dom Perignon. They watch other movies and see them succeed. So they make cargo-cult monstrosities like this, aping things like chases and explosion but without understanding. The characters don't behave in any believable way. The "technical" aspects like soldering a blob on a sim card to make a bomb are laugh-out-loud pathetic. Get any tech adviser from his mom's basement and he can come up with something more believable.Some specific objections. It takes an hour to learn what the opening scene in Afghanistan had to do with anything. An ambassador that can order extra-judicial killings in her host country. A high-level chosen-child striver security analysis that has to work the counter. You mind as well make her a heroic DMV clerk. Milla making noises when she is chased that alternate between Frank Zappa's "ice pick in the forehead" and the noises women tennis players make when they hit the ball. We all want to have sex with the nice Croatian girl, but she shouldn't make those noises when she is running for her life. Simple labored breathing would be fine, and probably a lot sexier. About five nondescript middle-aged white guys (NM-AWGs) that I could not tell apart even by the end of the movie. I don't know if the director has a crush on this facial type, but maybe he could cast a few redheads and beards and heaven-forbid, black and brown people. A few more gals might help too. Or just eliminate half the characters.The writer, director, and producer must be some Eloi-class elites that don't know anything about people or things. Maybe they just forgot, we all get old.A lot might have been saved in the editing bay. Open with the art gallery scene, but the owner friend is a guy. There are more straight people than lesbians, sorry, its simple demographics. Then some work boredom. Then the fantastic restaurant explosion. Lose the Afghanistan scene completely. We know there are sociopaths out there, don't remind us when we go to a movie. Also lose the whole McGuffin gas bomb thing. That means all the high-tech gibberish too. Terrorists are stupid savage people. They would use a fertilizer bomb in some unexpected vehicle to kill everybody. Maybe make it a CNN truck so if it blows up or not, its a win/win. Have her save the crowd from that.I was so delighted when a NM-AWG wondered where she would go after the bomb and another NM-AWG said "she will follow Embassy protocol." Gosh where they could have gone from there. Milla pulls out a bus locker key, perhaps from her sweet Croatian vagina. At the locker she gets $20,000, a gun, a passport, and a burner phone. She calls in and now all the good guys know she is on their side. The suspense is having her come in, without getting killed. She would have to have some special info, maybe the after-plastic-surgery appearance of the bad guy. But she gets foiled over and over. So she decides to fly to New York and stop the madman herself, despite just being a mild-mannered albeit sexy DMV clerk.The bones are all there, its just in the arrangement and details that this movie fails so miserably. There was one benefit in watching this dreadful mess. When I did plug in The Shallows, 20 minutes in I got a lump in my throat and jumped up and shouted, "Look everybody, a plot!"

This is a terrible movie that made me miss spare Jackie Chan style movie plots. The story makes no sense, and the movie would probably have been 5 times better if they just started with the restaurant scene and removed everything but the action scenes. It's already mindless, but at least that way it wouldn't have been insulting to the point of ruining immersion. None of the characters behave like human beings and every other scene made me wonder why would they ever do that. Terrible writing makes it a waste of what should have been a pretty good cast.