Small Soldiers (1998)

Among my several gauges for a movie, entertain me is always first...and Small Soldiers does exactly that. Certainly it is sort of a dumb fantasy film, but the plot is presented in such a way that you really can't help but like it, heh heh...First of all, a toy company CEO wants to amaze kids by presenting a mechanized line of interactive action figures. The production team wants to use smart chips to make them lifelike, but the CEO ok's the purchase of some military grade rejected smart chips...the fun starts immediately after they are inserted into a first production run of (pretty raunchy) soldier commando types, while the "nice" chips go into the fantasy "Gorgonites", a group of figures straight out of fantasyland, heh heh...I won't narrate the whole movie, but frankly is you want a diversion that is fun and vaguely morality driven at the same time, look this one up...it is definitely fun...

This movie was the worst movie I have ever seen. The acting was so bad I wanted to puke, the soldiers were so stupid I wanted to pass out, and the lines of this movie were so ridiculously bad I wanted to die. "Just because you can't see it doesn't mean its not there." I mean what the ****! This movie SOMEHOW managed to get decent ratings. If someone says this movie was good, I am going to punch them. I hope this director never makes any movie again. This movie was so bad, if he made any other movies, the average rating would probably be -345671254312698215469. I hope they never come out with a sequel. If they do, I will break all of there cameras in half. They might as well record a coffee cup, and that would still be better than this movie. Unbelievable.

A couple of toy developers have the bright idea of putting military computer chips in a new line of toys. Unfortunately, the toy soldiers in question thus become motivated to annihilate a rival range of toys and, if humans get in the way, that's just too bad.Director Joe Dante recycles the plot of his Gremlins movies, only with action figures instead of Mogwais and Gremlins, and the results are much the same - a thoroughly entertaining movie filled with masses of entry-level mayhem. The toys are well designed and brilliantly voiced by a voice cast which is far more star-studded than the solid and reliable, but low-key, human cast.It is perhaps a little violent and intense for the youngest of viewers, but otherwise it is a solidly entertaining family movie.

SMALL SOLDIERS is, essentially, Joe Dante's third GREMLINS film, except that the antagonists aren't gremlins this time around but instead normal, plastic toys who have been brought to life via military technology. It's along the same lines as TOY STORY, which came out at around the same time, but I think the Dante movie has the edge; it's live action, for a start, and the special effects used to animate the soldiers are remarkable.The film goes for a light action-adventure template with plenty of laughs thrown into the mix along the way. Like GREMLINS, there's a lot of small-scale stuff going on here, like fireworks being used as weapons and characters encountering the dangers of garbage disposal units. It's a kid's film, with child actors in the lead roles, but one of those ones that adults are sure to enjoy too.Cast-wise, we're handed decent turns from Gregory Smith (before he won popular attention with EVERWOOD) and Kirsten Dunst (just before she graduated to adult roles in SPIDER-MAN). Elsewhere, we get Denis Leary chewing the scenery as the slimy corporate villain, and Dante lucky charm Dick Miller as an unlucky delivery driver. Best of all are the voice actors hired for the soldiers; they're led by Tommy Lee Jones but boast plenty of veteran talent, including Ernest Borgnine and Frank Langella. Overall, Dante gets the tone just right, leaving this a highly enjoyable family adventure.