Hudson Hawk (1991)

*Spoiler/plot- Hudson Hawk, 1991. A recently released New York "cat burglar" is drafted into a Govt plot to uncover a mystery machine of Da Vinci's to turn lead into gold.*Special Stars- Bruce Willis, Danny Aiello, Andie McDowell.*Theme- Teamwork is the key to success and it's good to have friends to help you out.*Trivia/location/goofs- Quirky film comedy of European locations and intrigue.*Emotion- This film (undeserving) lands on many "worst films" lists. I enjoyed this film and the comedy is both high & low brow. It has an involved mystery plot that could be difficult for some to grasp. I found this film fresh and fun.*Based On- Based on European placed mystery films.

Comic action film centering on crackerjack cat burglar Bruce Willis, fresh from prison, who is blackmailed into stealing priceless works of art by a psychotic wealthy couple (Richard A. Grant and Sandra Bernhard) lest they murder his best friend Danny Aeillo.Hudson Hawk is notorious in the annals of legendary horrible film-making as a total debacle. Still, such films can be fun in retrospect. Not so much for this one. Willis is the driving creative force behind the film (and I use creative cautiously), having been a producer, writer and lead actor. One wonders why he stopped himself from stepping into the director's chair, but I guess even Willis has his limits, so he graciously allows director Michael Lehman to fall on the sword in that capacity. One would think since Willis wrote the mess of a screenplay that it would at least play to his strengths. If so, then one can only presume that constant smirking and smug arrogance are Willis' only cards to play. Truthfully, if an actress had perpetrated this worthless spectacle, her career would have been over before the print on the first reviews was dry. As evidence of the Hollywood double standard, Willis was allowed to carry on despite disastrous box office with nary a blip.The film's biggest clever flourish is having Willis and Aeillo carry out their heists in time to music. It sounds much better than it plays. And one comes to the fast conclusion that this was less an interesting idea, then an attempt to allow Willis and Aeillo, neither particularly good singers, to defile some otherwise sturdy old standards.The plot - or whatever you call this - is so insane and all over the map that it is virtually incomprehensible. It plays like something someone wrote after a major bender and while still experiencing intermittent black-outs. A perfect example is the leading lady role. Andie MacDowell looks luminous, but literally seems to have no idea what she is doing in this film (nor do we for that matter). She is cast as an undercover secret agent nun dispatched by the Vatican to...who knows. Ironically casting MacDowell as a nun means that Willis does not have to waste time developing any romantic chemistry with her and, although she manages to be present for the film's concluding action scenes, she functions as little more than adornment or furniture for all the impact she has.The less said about Willis in the title role, the better. Grant and especially Bernhard are virtually unendurable contributing unwatchable performances as the Nick and Nora Charles of villainy. Truthfully, we never have much of an idea of what they are up to and they seem less villainous than simply an endurance test for the viewer, often shrieking their lines as though they caught their big toe in a mouse trap. Aeillo is equally appalling. With Do the Right Thing and Moonstruck, Aeillo seemed briefly to actually be a decent actor, before degenerating in whiny second banana/bad character roles. Here, he is supposed to be funny and winning, but instead seems oddly pathetic and has never more than here resembled an overgrown mutant man-child. One can easily see him cast as the big screen's Baby Huey with no make-up or costume required. At one point, his character seemingly hurls to a fiery death and one realizes what a relief it is to no longer have him on screen.Willis's vanity piece is perpetually dumb where it should be funny, smug where it should be clever, loud and chaotic where it should be exciting, boring where it should be fast-paced, and finally a complete waste of space and time.

Everyday, people try to accomplish goals. They struggle and sometimes fail and other times succeed. Sometimes the goals have meaning, other times it's the struggle to reach those goals that has meaning, and sometimes both the struggle to achieve a goal and the goal as well, are meaningless. They made this movie- it was a goal they struggled to achieve, and having completed their task the end result was/is Hudson Hawk. I mean, who am I to pass judgment on this movie, maybe it's really hard to get jokes on paper to become jokes on film, I don't know. And its too easy to call this movie self-indulgent, oh, accurate as hell, but still, too easy. Soundtrack available for purchase- you can own it!

I'm reading these reviews and shaking my head.This is in the top five worst movies I've ever seen. Without my deep and admiring love of Bruce and Danny, it would be my number one worst flick I've ever seen.The humor? Flat.The plot? Ridiculous to the point of wanting to punch the screenwriter in the throat.The acting? Not terrible, but the plot ensures that no matter how good they are, there's no way they can save this turkey.Don't watch it. It'll be almost two hours of your life that you won't get back.