Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017)

OK, the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies are good, well only the first 3. But when The Long Haul hit the movies, it was a very long haul. First thing I'd like to talk about is the recast. The recast was a super bad idea. Some characters have changes in personalities. First Rodrick used to be a very very cool big 16 year old brother, but when you look at him in the movie, he is a complete jerk. Some jerkish stuff includes locking a pizza in the safe, trying to take a picture on his iPhone from Manny's pacifier even though Susan said no, and getting pulled over by the cops from saying that the Heffly's are kidnapping Greg, Manny, and himself. Frank used to focus more on work than family, but in the movie, he focus more on family than work. This could be a good thing, but also a bad thing. Susan used to like her family, but now, she yells. Rowley used visit Greg a lot, but this time, he only appeared ONCE. At the beginning of the movie. Is it because Greg and Rowley are no longer becoming friends? Next is there are way too many pee, poop, vomit, and fart jokes. All of them are Greg peeing in a lemonade bottle, the pig pooping in Manny's potty, Greg walking in on Frank using the toilet, Rodrick barfs on Mr. Beardo in a carnival ride, and Mr. Beardo pooping in the toilet loudly while Greg is hiding in the shower. YUCK!!!! The last thing is the story, In the book, the Heffleys decide to go to the beach but did not make it, but in the film, they went to Memaws 90th birthday party. DID THEY EVEN READ THE BOOK FIRST?!?!?!?!?!?!?

How does this movie even have 4 stars? It was the worst film of 2017. Even worse than The Emoji Movie.I can't believe that the writers think kids can be this dumb. It is unbelievable. The whole movie is filled with nonstop fart jokes and pee jokes. I only laughed once and it wasn't even a laugh. It was one snicker. The rest are the most disgusting stuff you've ever seen. The casting department was so darn lazy. It clearly looks like they picked the runner ups. Jason Drucker is already off to a bad start. I couldn't tell if he was overacting or not even trying. Charlie Wright is even worse. He reminds me of Keanu Reeves from the late 80s. He was trying so hard to be funny but I didn't at him once. From the trailer I knew he didn't fit as Rodrick. I don't know what happened with the dad. It seemed like they looked back at Steve Zahn's career and thought his costar in That Thing You Do would be the right choice. I thought he could've been more funny. And Alicia Silverstone, I still don't like her from Batman and Robin. Playing a mom who embarrasses her son should've been the easiest comeback for Alicia Silverstone. Instead she brings nothing new to the table. In summary, the old cast was way better than this one.There were moments that could've been emotional, but instead, the lazy writers figured to just slam another lazy joke. Good god this movie was bad. It is a waste of time. I hated almost every second of it. I can't believe that Jeff Kinney said, "I think it's gonna be the best Diary of a Wimpy Kid yet." That was adorable. Fox would be mentally insane to make a sequel to this movie.

How was this film even made? WHY? Where do I even begin? Let's start with the story, or, this film's LACK of a story. It's just random sub plots mixed up together to make the story for a 90 minute film. It makes it CONFUSING, MESSY, and, worst of ALL, BORING.Next up, we have the film's writing, and it's DREADFUL! It's nothing more than pop culture references, and potty humor. LOTS AND LOTS OF POTTY HUMOR. JUST AS MUCH AS ''Norm Of The North'', another abysmal film! And do you know why the writing is so bad? Easy! Jeff Kinney's involvement! This was the first time he wrote for the films, and it really shows how bad it is. Wow.And then there's the acting. Jason Drucker doesn't do a very good job as Greg Heffley. Owen Asztalos as Rowley is no Robert Capron(who did a great job as Rowley). Alicia Silverstone does look like she's having fun in this film, but her performance as Greg's mother leaves a lot to be desired. Chris Coppola does such an over the top job as Mr. Beardo, it makes me feel nauseous. Joshua Hoover does a rather obnoxious job as Mac Digby, but at least it shows he was trying to have fun here. But that's nothing, NOTHING compared to Charlie Wright as Rodrick. Everyone knows about that #notmyrodrick meme that happened all over the internet, right? Well, yeah! He does such an abysmal job here, and no doubt about it he's easily the worst casting choice in the film.The only actor who did an alright job in this film was Tom Everett Scott as Greg's father. Yeah, sure, say all you want, but at least it shows he was trying hard, and put some effort. This makes him the best casting choice in this film as a result. I could say the same for the actor playing Manny as well, but still.Last off, there's the CGI. It looks awful as a whole, but the scene with the seagulls is easily the worst. They look fake and very unappealing, JUST LIKE THE ENTIRE FILM! I can't BELIEVE that Fox actually decided to release this abomination of theaters. And did you know that this film got AWFUL reviews since the TRAILER came out? Fans will hate this film, adults will hate this film, and kids will hate this film. DO NOT SEE THIS FILM. STAY FAR, FAR, FAR away. (This film really deserves a 0/10, but the lowest IMDb can give is a 1/10. So there.)

Even I have to laugh at the #notmyrodrick uproar. It's the silver lining in all of this. "The Long Haul" is atrocious, a dumbed-down sequel that tosses out the series' charms for the cheap gags. It's got DTV written all over it, which does not do the book justice. And it was a great book!It was about six months ago that we saw the trailer for this in the theater. Tom Everett Scott and Alicia Silverstone start jamming to The Spice Girls' "Wannabe", and a kid in the back of the theater asks, "Mommy, what are they saying?". That moment was funnier than anything in the movie. 3/10