Vampires Suck (2010)

"Vampires Suck" is a comedy flick which is a full parody of the Twilight Saga and uses its basic plot to build up a series of gags concerning the vampire theme and the mechanisms of this very succesful franchise.What you get here is pretty much Scary Movie with vampires. A huge load of gags, of which some are a bit better, many are just really cheap and obvious. To be fair one has to say, that Twilight delivers quite a lot of ammunition for a movie like this but still I can think of no-one over the age of thirteen who will really have a blast with this film here. I am really not a fanboy of Twilight in any way possible, the cheesiness in this saga is sheer overwhelming. But in the end I have more respect for people producing a cheesy vampire film for teenagers than people who make a bad parody of a movie that often already looks like a bad parody itself.All in all this is something you can watch if you really don't want to think. A few nice gags are hidden between the dozens of others and if you just wish to relax and mock a popular franchise a bit, this might be something for you.

Spoof movies used to be a bit of a rarity in Hollywood but that certainly isn't the case anymore. In the 2000s we seem to have a new parody film released every week and it is quite common to have a parody film floating around Top 10 box office lists these days. The recent popularity in parody films seemed to start with the financially successful Scary Movie franchise. I quit like the first Scary Movie film, a spoof mainly focused on the Scream franchise also parodying other popular 90s movies. The script written by the Wayans' brothers was reasonably well written, entertaining, witty and often silly spoofing 90s movies and pop culture often at the same time. The delivery of this comedy material was also good, in particular from the actress Anna Farris who went on to have a very successful career in comedy films. The success of Scary Movie meant we got Scary Movie 2 then Scary Movie 3 and so on. Unfortunately, each sequel was much worse than the film it followed. Now we are up to Scary Movie 5 and the franchise is totally unwatchable. While the Scary Movie films were being released there was a whole bunch of awful spoof films being released across Hollywood with films like Not Another Teen Movie, Date Movie, Epic Movie, Disaster Movie and so on. It makes sense for Movie Studios to make these films, they are cheap to make, get a good return at the box office and it doesn't seem to matter whether they are good or not as people go to see them regardless. When I first heard about Vampires Suck I had very low expectations, after seeing so many of these terrible 2000s spoof films I have lost all faith in the genre. Vampires Suck is a parody based on the Twilight film franchise. I quit like the Twilight films, they are entertaining but at times can be little ridiculous giving a lot of potential for someone to write a funny spoof film. Maybe Vampires Suck could be this film, unfortunately it was not.It was an incredibly painful experience watching Vampires Suck. It's lazily written as the plot is very closely based on the first two twilight films almost copying rather than parodying, occasionally slipping I the odd pop culture reference for a cheap laugh which fails miserably every time. The only small positive from this film I could give was Jenn Proske's performance as she did a good job parodying Kristen Stewart's awkward performance as Bella Swan in the Twilight films.Vampires Suck is supposed to be a comedy and I can honestly say I never laughed once through the entire 82 minutes. With a lot of bad comedy films these days the only funny lines are used up in the trailer. Having just watched the trailer for Vampires Suck I can say that there wasn't anything funny in there either, the only joke was on me because if only I had seen the trailer for Vampires Suck first I would have known it was terrible as originally thought and would not have wasted 82 minutes of my life watching this nonsense.With this current stream of terrible 2000s spoof films, Vampires suck is probably the worst one so far which is a hell of a statement in its own right. There are 644 words in this review and it would take the average reader 4 minutes to read that many words. By reading my review you will now be well aware that this is a shockingly terrible film and certainly one to avoid. Vampires Suck is 82 minutes long and by avoiding this film, misusing the 4 minutes it has taken you to read this review, I have saved you 78 minutes of your life and for that all I have left to say is your welcome.

This movie really sucks. I am a fan of the early Twilight movies. I am also a fan of Dracula (1931). One of my favorite comedy movies is Dracula dead and loving it. It was funny and did not insult the fans of any Dracula movie. And it did not put down any of the Dracula movies. This movie insulted the fans of the early Twilight movies. And it did put down the early Twilight movies. But the worst thing about this movie is that it is a comedy and it is not funny. If a vampire movie is not going to be funny is should a lest be scary. This movie is not scary. This movie is badly written. Do not wast time and money. Do not see this movie. The girl who played Bella is very pretty, But still the movie is awful. They will have to do a lot more then find a pretty girl to get me to like a movie. This is one of the wort comedies ever.

Vampires Suck is undoubtedly an awful movie to watch. It's another "Masterpiece" created by the Horrible movie directors of Friedberg and Seltzer. These guys have no idea how to make anything good, or even how to make anything humorous. They should be banned from the industry from making anything. And this movie is no exception. But why do I give it two stars instead of one? Because though Vampires Suck is a terrible film, its still a better movie than any of the Twilight movies. Yes, BETTER. The Twilight movies are the worst movies I've ever seen. Its mainly because of the horrible characters of Bella, Edward and Jacob who have no decent human qualities. It also ruins the lore of horror fantasy. Because of the Twilight movies, I will never find Vampires or Werewolves interesting ever again. Bottom Line, the Twilight movies are to me the lowest levels cinema can ever sink down to. Vampires Suck is better because it at least know the franchise it's spoofing is already horrible to begin with. Friedberg/Seltzer at least know that Twilight is terrible, so anything they do will be better than Twilight. Don't get me wrong, all of their movies are really bad. I just find them better than Twilight will ever be.