Private Resort (1985)

It's a fun movie that's definitely heavily defined by the 80s. It will not blow you mind, but it will make you laugh. Hope you like slapstick and tits. The first time I saw this was in 2016 and it reminds me of a dumbed down cross between home alone and blazing saddles. My wife disagrees with me and wonders if I've ever seen blazing saddles, so maybe my opinion is sketchy.I really can't believe people were able to write more than a few lines about this movie. It's really just a simple fun movie. I would give it a 6.75/10. A few drinks in or a drinking game adds to the movie going experience.

All the slapstick had me rolling as did the deadpan acting. Pure cheese with a lot of eye candy for guys and gals (including Depp's naked rear... which did nothing for me, but ladies probably will enjoy). Depp had more of a supporting role in this. The scenarios were funny and moved well from one to the next, but they probably only did one take for everything because each scene was contrived and poor in execution. The dialog is horrendously bad, poorly written. This movie literally had me laughing much more often than most recent films. The wannabe Sean Penn was annoying as was the grandmother. To me, the Barber and Reeves are the funniest characters; their brawl in the elevator was so absurd... God, I think this needs to be out there, this movie should be watched, which is why I am wasting these two last lines simply to comprise the required ten. Hope it helps. If not, screw you. Haha.

Private Resort (1985) *** (out of 4) Incredibly stupid but funny teenage sex romp has two teens (Rob Morrow, Johnny Depp) staying at a rich Florida resort where there's plenty of beautiful women to try and get in bed. Also on hand is a jewel thief (Hector Elizondo), a muscle bound ladies man (Andrew Dice Clay) and various other nuts. If you want high level comedy of Billy Wilder then you best stay away from this film but if you want juvenile humor mixed in with beautiful women getting naked then this film is just for you. This is clearly a rip of Porky's and all the comedy is incredibly dumb but it's still funny. Elizondo steals the show as the wannabe Mafia guy but Morrow and Depp are also fun to watch. Leslie Easterbrook from the Police Academy films also stars (and yes, she's naked).

So you see, there's this movie. And if you watch it, you'll absolutely give up any and all hope for the future of humanity. The whole thing is a moronic titfest with very little tits and even littler of a fest. The attempts at romance and a plot are subpar, and the acting leaves so much to be desired that the phrase "much to be desired" doesn't do it justice.The plot is abysmal, centering around two young men and wackiness at a resort over the weekend. The Maestro wants to steal a diamond, and he is just a very bad thief. Add in a bunch of two dimensional women, and you have a romp that borrows heavily from _Catalina Caper_ and _Porky's_.If you like Johnny Depp or that guy from "Northern Exposure," don't see this movie. If you like Hector Elizondo, stay as far away from this movie as possible. If you like Andrew Dice Clay... then this movie can't really be too much worse for you.I really have to emphasize this just one more time, so please please trust me: DON'T.