Mortuary (2005)

This movie isn't the worst horror film you'll ever see. It comes across as a cinematic version of a middling fill-in story from an old issue of CREEPY or EERIE magazine from the 1960s -- one that isn't too original but would be memorable if it were to be drawn by Bernie Wrightson.Unfortunately despite an acceptable buildup and a pace that goes from decent to over-the-top berserk, this film suffers from not having had the sort of attention given to it that would have made it the equivalent of the Wrightson-drawn CREEPY story. It comes off as having been drawn by one of those artists whose names you don't remember and know they hired because he would work cheap.Actually it looks very much as if cheap was the word for some reason and at some point during the production, for some reason it was decided that no one gave a crap any more about quality and that they needed to finish the thing ASAP which is why the conclusion, and choices and effects used in it, get noticeably further off track as the finale approaches, which consists of 15 seconds of footage that never should have been included at all because it doesn't follow at all logically from what we've just seen happen before it.The film suffers also from some serious "isn't"s: It appears from the opening, which shows a mother of 2 kids apparently delighted to be moving into a filthy windowless house with a lawn full of black septic tank overflow and a back yard full of tombstones, that the film is intended as at least a semi-comedy. But there's nothing really present that makes you laugh, so funny it isn't. Stike one.The actress cast as the mother, familiar to most from her appearances on STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION, should be scary. -- SLIGHT SPOILER -- Her function in the story is to menace her own children when she is turned zombie by the evil forces in the mortuary-house, and she has a prime opportunity to show off some delightful dark creepy humor in a scene in which she, as the perfect zombie-mom, is to serve the rest of the cast dinner. The actress unfortunately entirely throws the scene away and does nothing with it. It's as if she can't be bothered to affect a scary countenance or give anything to the part at all. Either she doesn't actually know how to act or didn't care to do so in this film. Either way, she was the wrong choice for the part and is chiefly responsible for the feeling that the film jumps too abruptly into high gear all at once about 2/3 of the way through -- she should have been the middle gear and gotten things warmed up for the grand finale but, honestly, her community-theatre level uninvolved performance really sinks the whole central section of the picture -- we don't really accept her transformation because it's performed so poorly which strongly affects our perception that the other zombies yet to come are anything but other people who don't care about their parts. So scary -- she isn't. Actually she is a complete drag and therefore a liability which heavily damages the picture. Martha Stewart could have played the part better, and as far as I know, she can't act at all. And that's strike two.Finally, as others have noted, the "legendary" unseen boogeyman character doesn't get much to do and when he finally joins in the action he does very little, and "the chase" is then rapidly cut to. So, interesting, he isn't, particularly, either, and that's strike three.If this film had had more of a budget or anyone had actually cared about it, it could have been good. The kid & teen actors are fine (even if the young hero does have a sort of Bud Bundy from "Married With Children" quality about him, which isn't really a negative). But there's no time put into the crucial elements here -- it all comes off as very cheap and rushed and "done the quickest, easiest way," which undoubtedly it was. But even with all its flaws it does have at least one good scary moment, which is when we discover the little girl character has disappeared from the hiding place she was placed in and is likely in big trouble. You do genuinely fear for her and what's going to happen next and the atmosphere instantly jacks up 5 notches and becomes briefly scary, for perhaps the only time in the film.MORTUARY is not a bad "Tales from the Crypt" style story, and it's certainly not boring, it's just not what it should have been. It's not what you do in the case of a low-budget horror movie, it's how you do it that matters, and though this movie is never really dull, it's done with so little attention to detail it ends up blowing up in its own face rather than being the "creepy" Wrightson-style fun it could have been.

I don't understand what going on with this director. He was one of those master horror of the 70'th, like Carpenter, Cronenberg or Craven, and instead this, to see this film makes you ask yourself: where is the director of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"? This was his first and very interesting film, and from there this director became relevant in the business. And then, came the also interesting "Salem's Lot" and his biggest hit: "Poltergeist". And instead, if you look his recent filmography, you'll be perplexed with films like "The Toolbox massacre" and "Mortuary". "The Toolbox massacre" was a bad film, but it had its little interesting things, all of which contributed by Hooper, but with "Mortuary" he has loose his mind. The film has not nothing new or interesting, all are nonsense often seen, and it is violent even. For ending, a film with no logic that nobody likes, and a demonstration of how a good director can doomed.

Finally Tobe is back to his roots AND he is back to get even! I think this is a good movie 'cause if you like Tobe's earlier work you will love this. He is back where it all began for him, and he is doing gooood!I've got the same feeling for this movie as I got from seeing "Texas chainsaw..." and thats a long wait I think. Hopefully he will keep on doing movies like this one 'cause i wanna feel that again and again. The feeling that the 80's slasher/zombie genre is not dead and hopefully it will grow stronger.Hope more movies like this one is going to be made in the future. I'll watch them anyway (with a big smile on my lips :-) ).He's BAAAACK!!

I must admit that this film really hooked me in at the opening hour or so as the film centers on a closely-knit family of three, mother Leslie(Denise Crosby, Star Trek-The Next Generation;Pet Semetary)cutesy-pie, wide-eyed daughter Jamie(Stephanie Patton) and cynical, but sweet, son Jonathan(Dan Byrd)attempting to adapt to a small town, trying to renovate their mortuary which is in dire shape, needing extensive repairs and care. Something evil lies underground, a well housing something black which is attracted to blood, it's oil-slick tentacles reaching out for any it can find, such as when Leslie(..quite an amateur mortician, still learning her trade)cuts her hand after a mishap with her embalming machine as the hose breaks away releasing fluid all over the place...a fungus-like residue remains whenever it comes from underground for blood. There's a spooky myth attached to the mortuary regarding local boogeyman, Bobby Fowler(Price Carson)whose parents once run the outfit, that he butchered them and still lives within the area. It turns out that Bobby does indeed exist and that he often feeds victims to the well, their blood giving whatever it is nourishment. Oftentimes, the black goo from the well turns humans into loony zombies, such as a trio of misfits, two goofy punk gals, Tina & Sara(Courtney Peldon & Tara Paige) and their brutish and rude male love-toy, Cal(Bug Hall)who have a bad habit of starting trouble, such as picking an altercation with Jonathan or mistreating the graveyard nearby the mortuary.The film, as typical with Hooper's oeuvre, has an array of eccentric supporting characters such as a stuttering, nervous sheriff and an always-laughing real-estate agent, a bit too cheery with off-the-wall remarks which produce most of the dark humor on display. I think the setting, a creepy mortuary with evil lurking within, works exceptionally well, and the graveyard is quite spooky, but the computer graphics are simply abysmal ruining what could've been an impressive follow-up to Hooper's The Toolbox Murders. The well isn't defined enough and is sloppily created, not looking the least bit realistic. Bobby goes from grotesque villain to heroic savior way too fast, and seems integrated into the film way too late. The corpses in Leslie's morgue, which are given life thanks to the black goo, are certainly effective enough, resembling the Romero signature zombies. The computer graphics(for how they are destroyed through the use of salt)are dreadful. And, the grim twist at the end doesn't make sense in regards as to what happens to Jonathan. Most of the murders that take place are handled specifically through the use of CGI(..even when the hand of a zombie bursts through the chest of a victim)which removes the effectiveness of the horror(..The Toolbox Murders, on the other hand, is much more effective due to it's use of practical gore-effects). And, I, for one, felt the film was hampered by the decision to turn Leslie into a zombie because the strength of the family was an important ingredient in the overall story(..and I just enjoyed the chemistry of the three leads as a family absent a father, trying to start over). Perhaps, Hooper and company wanted to turn Leslie so that the terror heightens towards Jonathan and Jamie, a hopeless situation where they must depend on themselves to survive. Those also facing the zombie crisis, are Jonathan's gravel-voiced love interest Liz(Alexandra Adi) and her pot-smoking homosexual pal Grady(Rocky Marquette). Lee Garlington has a nice supporting turn as a foul-mouthed diner owner, Rita, often mentioning her frequent drug-trips in the past(..she also serves as a mentor to Liz and gives Jonathan a job)informing Jonathan of Bobby Fowler. The dialogue, as usual in a Hooper film, can be quite profane and darkly humorous. As typical in a Tobe Hooper horror film, corpses have collected by certain victims within Fowler's lair, and the theme of innocence facing destruction is ever-present.