Grimm's Snow White (2012)

The opening of the DVD lets us know that Asylum has made over 100 films in 15 years and by the trailers, it looks like they are THE premier film maker of our age. It is worth a chuckle. This mock-buster film contains everything we have come to expect from Asylum's 15 year history. This one had second tier CG effects; actors who sound like they have been rejected from the Renaissance Fair; stolen script poorly rewritten; bad direction/editing, goofs, and plot continuity holes you can drive a truck through. And that is the good stuff.We all know the story of Snow White (Eliza Bennett, Inkheart ). She comes to grieve her father fresh from the convent. (I didn't write this stuff.) The beginning opens with a narration of a "falling star" that lands on earth and creates a light/flame of great power. It also created two races: dragons and elves. The elves are skilled with the bow and have pointy ears (thank you JRR). There are 2 kingdoms, one protects the flame, the dragon and the elves, and the one ruled by Snow White's evil stepmother (Jane March, Clash of the Titans). She wants to posses the flame, enslave the elves, and kill the dragons...and also be the fairest in the land too which has become almost secondary to the plot.The elves are skilled with the bow, can disappear, and have magical powers over the earth yet fear for their lives at the hands of the Queen's bumbling huntsmen. The prince is played by Jamie Thomas King (Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy). There is no poison apple in this tale and fearful elves have replaced the singing dwarfs. The feral elves are more akin to Native American ninjas.Runt (Sebastian Wimmer) is a likeable elf who provides the film with personality. Snow goes to the market the "day before the new moon." That night there is a full moon. The dungeon and battle scenes equally had me scratching my head. That is why I watch Asylum films...to relive the glory days of Ed Wood.There are no subtitles on the DVD for the hearing impaired, although it might be better with the sound off. It did include a gag reel which is not worth watching.No f-bombs, sex, or nudity. While the dragon kills people, there is no gore. One urination scene. A quick scene with a statue with one breast exposed. Unless you're John Ashcroft (remember him?) you most likely won't notice. 8 stars for plot continuity errors, mediocre acting, goofs, and fake looking head roll. Unless you are a cult fan of Asylum films, my advice is don't go cheap. Spend the extra buck and enjoy the real blockbuster.

Poor "Snow"; Whether getting ribbed because of infamous appearances on the Oscars or spoofed on "The Carol Burnett Show" (hilariously!), she has not had an easy time of it. Even Stephen Sondheim's "Into the Woods" failed to include her save a mention by one of the princes after marrying her fairy tale rival (Cinderella). The 1937 Disney film will always be considered a classic, and a 1997 cable movie, "Snow White: A Tale of Terror", told the Grimm story the way it should be told when taking it seriously. So in 2012, three hideous movies come along about "Snow", and this one, lavishly boxed for video, is the worst. (To be honest, as of this date, I have not seen the other two, but they can't be any worse than this.) Some silly looking rubber monsters are thrown in to add gruesome horror to the mêlée. They appear to eat various peasants sent by the Queen into the woods to destroy them, but for some reason, the monster doesn't swallow them. Of all of the characters, the monster probably had the best taste of any of them. Snow White barely says a word; The Queen is given some hideously bland costumes and crowns; and the dwarfs are actually simple country folk of regular human size who adopt "Snow" when the Queen's henchman fails to kill her. Add on a "Prince Charming" who appears to have divided loyalties and isn't exactly charming. Try not to laugh at the Queen's make-up when she transforms into the old hag, minus the apple. Other than that, I thought that the Queen was appropriately evil, although there is never any reason explained for her hatred towards Snow White or her vanity in general. Sigourney Weaver did it best in the 1997 cable version I mention above, with motivations as clear as the Gothic mirror she gazes into.A footnote about the DVD: it contains trailers for some of the most vile, evil looking series of films I've ever seen produced for viewing. There is no purpose to the meanness of either the trailers or the film other than to promote a seemingly Satanistic view of humanity.

As far as bad movies go, this one takes the cake. I'm always a sucker for fairy tales, so I thought "LET'S GIVE IT A TRY!" It's like they took the better parts of all the big epic movies and threw them in a blender and hit puree. First you have a girl who looks and dresses like Alice, and you have OBVIOUS knockoffs of LOTR and Game of Thrones with the elves (OMG they actually named one "Orlando?" - BLOOM by any chance?); and Prince Alexander has the RPat look going on. He does everything but sparkle. Our family had more fun MST3K-ing it than watching it seriously. As my husband eloquently put it, "Someone raided a RenFaire for these costumes.

This was pretty good. I think the scenery was absolutely lush and beautiful and made half the movie. The action didn't flag, and the characters were mostly stock but well defined and played.I know this sounds like faint praise. But, for a production produced by The Asylum, this is very very good.I've seen a few of their 'mock' busters. This was much better than their usual, cheap fare.If you like fantasy, with a beautiful central/southern European flavor, then watch this.The stepmother was well played, as were many of the elf characters. The only miscasting was Snow White. She was the wrong one for that role. But fortunately Snow White had a small part, for all that the title promises.In this age of high end special effects, they managed pretty well using basic computer graphics tools. Pretty soon, special effects in films of any budget will be good.