Hell Ride (2008)

The messy, mediocre and racy "Hell Ride" is unfortunately a great deception. Indeed is a poor attempt to imitate Guy Ritchie and Quentin Tarantino styles, or a tribute to these directors that completely fails. The violence and nudity are free and gross in a quite senseless screenplay of a war between rival gangs of outlaws in California. The characters are unlikable and the attractive art of the DVD cover is maybe the best this film can offer on DVD. The most incredible is that Quentin Tarantino is the executive producer of this terrible flick. My vote is one.Title (Brazil): Not Available

Quentin Tarantino's directorial career has been in steady decline ever since Pulp Fiction, but I still reckon it's a pretty desperate move to deliberately help others make crappy films just so that your own work looks better in comparison. And yet that is the only reason I can come up with for Tarantino producing biker flick Hell Ride, written, directed by, and starring Larry Bishop.A blatant attempt by Bishop to emulate QT's 'homage' style of movie-making, this embarrassingly inept piece of garbage uses every faux-grindhouse gimmick going in an attempt to be as cool as possible, but fails spectacularly thanks to a messy script that is virtually incomprehensible, a cast who fail to appreciate just how inane the movie's tongue twisting X-rated Seussian dialogue is, and abysmal direction from Bishop, who is as equally useless behind the camera as he is in front of it.As tough gang leader Pistolero, the perma-tanned Bishop is clearly having a good time, taking every opportunity to romp with big breasted bimbos a fraction of his age (assorted strippers and sluts, and a barmaid with some serious camel-toe), and co-stars Michael Madsen and Vinnie Jones look more than happy to have been asked along for the ride (Madsen should be pleased that he still gets acting gigs, period!). It's a shame, though, that those watching this crud won't be having anywhere near as much fun.

I thought it was perfect. I thought anyone would agree until I saw these silly reviews. You're all a bunch of mindless plastic idiots copying each other, I see. Rather, you're mindless consumers of high budget Hollywood blockbusters. Whatever. You'll be seeing each other at the movies, where I won't be. Have fun with that.This movie nailed what a good movie is all about. I love it and I watch it often. I like spaghetti westerns and this is an American western in that same spirit. When Dennis Hopper showed up I wasn't surprised at all. I had no idea who Larry Bishop was before this, now I do. I might sound like an idiot but I'm making no attempt to keep up with you elitists. If more movies were made in this style it would get old. This is a gem that stands in the ranks of Big Trouble In Little China. My movie collection now has 21 titles and Hell Ride is one of them.

One of my hobbies is collecting "Cheap Biker Movies". I saw this D.V.D. for sale (used) at this sandwich shop. While waiting for my food, I scanned it. The illustration on the box gave it a "Cheap Biker Movie" look, so I said to myself: "Self: You need this movie." They wanted $5 for it. I tried to haggle. The gal says: "But it stars (wrong!) Quentin Tarantino." I said: "Never heard of him." I never have! Well, I watched it. I tried to figure it out. The plot was in there somewhere. Something about a box of treasure. The flashbacks were not needed as far as I could tell. Just added to the confusion. I just don't know. I was expecting a "Cheap Biker Movie" and all I got was 80 minutes of boobs, butts, lousy acting, elementary school hard-guy dialog and a confusing plot. I would have liked to have seen what was in the safe deposit box at the end (how did they get that box out of the bank?) The reaction was what appeared to be an empty box. Empty box, empty plot, empty acting. Okay, NOW I get it! Watch "Satan's Sadists" for what a "Cheap Biker Movie" really is about. At least it has a (weak) plot. This was rambling garbage. The fact that it was released on D.V.D. before it hit any theater says how bad it is. The fact that it earned a hundred grand or so really says how bad it is. Anyone giving this more than 2 stars hasn't a clue. The people who gave it 9 and 10 stars are really lost. This movie was as bad as the sandwich. I'll never do both again. Be warned.