Nurse 3-D (2014)

I couldn't watch this movie to the end. I got about 20 minutes in and decided I might re-read a book instead of watching bad movies on Netflix. The first thing I noticed is Paz de la Huerta who plays the main character Abby Russell. Probably the worst acting I have ever seen. I have seen better acting in commercials and soap operas. Her voice was the most irritating. Not helped at all by the terrible script. I had no idea who she was but I looked her up thinking it must be her first movie, but apparently she has 48 credits. She has no emotion, resting bitch face and bad delivery of lines and body language. I can say she was likely hired because of her body and willingness to appear naked in the film.Katrina Bowden who plays a nurse Danni, has much better acting skills and would have made a much better lead.Okay so the movie - the part I watched anywayAbby Russell is a nurse that 'disguises' herself as a slut and goes out to bars and clubs wearing barely anything and waits for married men to hit on her. Of course a married man does. She 'ALWAYS' gives them a chance to change their mind. He doesn't and then the movie starts.We then discover she is more interested in woman than men. We find this out during a scene at a nightclub that was the most nauseating to watch. The lights flashed across the screen, if I had epilepsy I would have had a fit. Then we see her prance around naked at her house and walked unnaturally as if she was strutting on a runway. (You know she is a bad actress, when she can't even walk naturally).Then I turned the TV off.

Of course this movie isn't high art, of course this movie doesn't have a high caliber lead actress, of course this movie is bloody and gory. Guess what!? IT'S HORROR! And quite original too. I've never seen this particular storyline in a horror movie before and I've seen my share of horror flicks. As I stated in the subject line, someone finally came right out and combined pornography and horror, lesbian pornography at that! The only unbelievable thing in the whole movie is that the main victim is worried about her boyfriend seeing pictures of her having sex with the other hot nurse she works with,(like that would be a bad thing) If you're a real horror fan you cant go wrong here.

I admit, the stylish poster caught my eye and I'm a sucker for bad horror movies so I decided to spend 90 minutes of my life watching this masterpiece. And to be honest, it could be worse. It's probably the least realistic depiction of nursing I have seen on film. I love how the nurses don't wear scrubs but instead wear what appear to be "Naughty Nurse" Halloween costumes from party city.The highlight (or lowlight) of the film is Paz de la Huerta's razzie award caliber performance as nurse-cum- serial killer Abigail Russell. She spends the entire movie sounding like someone woke her up from a drunken nap. She makes Katrina Bowden look like Meryl Streep which is really, really an accomplishment. It's clear that de la Huerta was pretty much only cast for her willingness to do laughably gratuitous pants-less scenes. The plot is of course, ridiculous. When not looking after patients, Nurse Russell (de la Huerta) goes around town looking for married men to seduce and murder. Because why not. She soon becomes obsessed with a new nurse Dani Rodgers (Katrina Bowden), roofies her, kills her step dad and basically pulls a bunch of psycho shenanigans. The plot is silly, incoherent and motivations are unclear which is expected. For a horror movie this isn't particularly scary. It is occasionally bloody and gory but any scary moments are laughable. Russell's rampage through the ICU randomly murdering patients is the most hilarious example. While this wasn't a great film by any means, it wasn't as horrible as it could have been. With the exception of Paz's performance this is really just your standard B horror movie with a dash of exploitation thrown in. It's probably great if you're into that sort of thing.

I'm not going to give this a vote because I just don't know how to do it. A nurse (Paz de la Huerta) insinuated herself into the life of another nurse (Katrina Bowden) in order to form a friendship that is strictly inverted in tone. Bowden cultivates a boyfriend. De la Heurta goes berserk with jealousy, screws everybody's life up, begins killing people she feel betrayed her, and winds up running madly through the hospital, stabbing bedridden patients at random, tearing out beating hearts, leaving the floor slick with gore and the walls splashed decoratively in scarlet. The last we see of her, she's reestablishing herself under another identity in Los Angeles, paving the way for a sequel.The only thing about the movie that can be said to be "good" without reservation is the abundance of female nudity, near-nudity, and simulated sex, both lesbian and heterosexual. Well, I'll throw in de la Huerta's occasional spurts of narration because they're pretty explicit.Beyond that, any rater would first have to decide whether this is an ordinary slasher movie or a comedy. Paz de la Huerta's performance as an insane, slow-spoken, seductress almost rules out any serious interpretation all by its lonesome self. It's so overdone that it's hard to convince yourself she wasn't deliberately trying to be amusing. And her looks and demeanor add to the ludic quality. She's tall and rangy, with an exceptionally pronounced behind. That figure could have come from Aubrey Beardsley.Make up has given her a raggedy black hair do, great big-assed purple lips, and shaded her eyes with white. Next to her, Bowden looks virginal and innocent to the point of stupidity. They could be Betty and Veronica, if Betty had been a dull bulb and Veronica were a Gorgon.There are too many plot holes to point out and the staging during action scenes is confusing. I mean, whether slasher or comedy, it's not well executed.I leave this judgment in the capable hands of the viewer. I couldn't let go of it myself, any more than I can help myself from at least one glance at a traffic accident.