Piranhaconda (2012)

Jim Wynorski directs and Roger Corman produces this sequel of SHARKTOPUS. Razor sharp teeth makes it hard to spend any safe time in Hawaiian waters. A giant snake with a mouthful of knife-like teeth can chomp anyone in half. Scientist Lovegrove (Michael Madsen) steals an egg from the creature and plans on making some big bucks. Not that easy; thinking he is of importance, a group of bandits turn kidnapper and hold Lovegrove for ransom. A documentary film crew stumbles across the kidnapping and leads the hungry piranhaconda to a starring role in a nasty gore feast.Players include: Rachel Hunter, Rib Hillis, Chris De Christoper, Shandi Finnessey, Terri Evans, Michael Swan, Diana Terranova and Kurt Yeager.

To be honest I wasn't expecting to enjoy Piranhaconda, the concept was rather cheesy though had potential to be entertaining, the film didn't exactly look promising and the amount of 1s added to the IMDb score pre-release further added to my dubiousness. SyFy are also notorious for bad to bottom-of-the-barrel movies(though there are a few tolerable ones too), though no matter how terrible most are I find them compulsively watchable and always watch to see if they ever do anything tolerable, otherwise unless they are horrifically or insultingly bad I do revel in their badness. Imagine my surprise when I found Piranhaconda to be one of SyFy's more tolerable movies. It is not perfect by all means, and has a lot of problems but does improve on assets that bring their movies down in the first place.Visually, it doesn't look too bad. With SyFy, you would expect hackneyed editing, scenery that doesn't give a sense of authenticity, dull lighting and awkward camera angles. In regard to those assets though, Piranhaconda is generally one of their better-looking movies. The editing and camera work is mostly focused and the scenery is striking. You'd also anticipate laughably awful special effects. On the other hand, the Piranhaconda looks alright, there are a few moments where it does look fake, but overall it delivers what the film promised(part-snake, part-fish, all killer), it does look menacing and the movements are less choppy than other SyFy creatures, in fact I was impressed at the amazing speed it moved at. My problem with the Piranhaconda wasn't to do with the design this time. It was to do with how it was developed, you don't find out much about its origin and how it came to be in the jungle.In all fairness though, that is true of the human characters as well. Thankfully they are less annoying than SyFy movies like Miami Magma and Seattle Superstorm, but not only are they developed unconvincingly, how did three groups exactly manage to be in the jungle at the same time as each other, but especially the scientist and hot chick-type characters they are very clichéd. The script fares better, less stilted, less aimless and less contrived than most SyFy fare. While some of the more humorous spots are not as funny as they could've been, the script does have some pleasantly witty spots. The story is also an improvement, though my feelings were still mixed. It doesn't make the mistake of being dull pace-wise, is light-hearted in tone and reasonably enjoyable, with some fun, tense and not too predictable deaths with a higher body count than usual. However, the final 10-15 minutes are rather rushed, the sub-plot about the scientist character being interested in a flower that seemed thrown in and many questions, such as how the scientific group did not know anything about the Piranhaconda or why Rachel Hunter's group stayed in a place where it would be easy for the Piranhaconda to kill them.Musically, I was also pleasantly surprised after hearing many SyFy scores that were sluggishly in tempo, derivative or overbearing. The music here has an adventurous vibe to it, and while I would've preferred that the Piranhaconda theme was without the lyrics, which came across as schlocky to me, the theme itself is one of the catchier SyFy movie themes. The acting is better than usual. It was a pleasure to see Michael Madsen and he is literally unrecognisable, but he seemed bored in comparison to his other roles. Although I wish she had more to do, I did think Rachel Hunter was quite good, and while I've read from some that Terri Ivens was rather long-in-the-tooth for the hot chick role I can't deny that she was gorgeous. But in the most fun role of the movie that is more than the hot girl in a bikini, it was Shandi Finnessy who took the acting honours.All in all, I didn't love it but I didn't hate it. Piranhaconda was problematic but I did find it one of SyFy's more tolerable films. 6/10 Bethany Cox

There seem to be several plots and sub plots in this movie. 1) Professor Lovegrove is trying to find the snake that killed his Dad and scarf up the snake's egg. For what purpose? What else? To sell and make MONEY. As all scientists do when they discover some "creature". You will feel at home with the great Michael Madsen as the scientist as he as played in many films, and is a bit under utilized here.2) Local bandits capture visiting Americans for cash dollars in ransom money.3) An LA film director is making a horror film with his cast and crew. Fortunately, his casting director hired some very hot babes, like Rachel Hunter, Shandi Finnessey, Teri Ivens, and Christina DeRosa.4) A piranhaconda intent on wrapping her body around everyone in sight and killing them and eating them, writhes around the island.The only thing that drags this movie down is the CGI piranahconda. B films were better in the 50's and 60's when you only glimpsed at the crab monster or gorilla in a diving helmet.The head bad guy reminds me of the bad guy in Superman? I don't know his name, as I did not Tivo the movie, and am relying on IMDb. Sadly, some filmmakers don't include practicals: head shots of everyone. And, IMDb, could list cast members as bad guys, surfer girl, ditzy blonde, as we often don't remember their names if they are even mentioned in the movie.Back to our story: the piranahconda is killing people, the bad guys hold a few cast as hostages, Prof. Lovegrove is hot for the egg, and Talia is lounging on the beach. The film inter cuts between all the plots, as it heads for the exciting conclusion.As I have said before, thanks to Roger Corman helping these young filmmakers, and he is Executive Producer on this one. Remember it is up to the writer, director and cast to create good films. Roger is at least providing the funding for their efforts.So you will have to see the movie to find out how hostage takers, film crews, a greedy scientist, a curly blonde beach lounger, and killer reptiles all interact. It is worth a view.

Piranhaconda (2012) ** (out of 4) Creature feature fun from director Jim Wynorski takes place in Hawaii as a professor (Michael Madsen) tracks down an egg that belongs to a legendary part piranha, part anaconda creature. Soon its parents are killing anyone who gets in their way and that includes a low-budget film crew there filming a slasher pic. PIRANHACONDA is actually a step above most of the creature features that appear on SyFy and a big credit has to go to Wynorski. I've always enjoyed his film and this one here is a decent little affair that should at least keep fans of monster movies entertained. Again, this isn't Shakespeare but for the most part it delivers the goods. The CGI snake/fish creature is certainly something to see. Yes, it's looks incredibly fake but this here actually adds a little charm to the picture. The majority of the death scenes have cheap CGI blood flowing but this too had its own level of charm. A few weeks ago I watched POPATOPOLIS, a documentary on Wynorski as he attempted to make a film in three days. It was a very good documentary because we got to see him directing and just listening to him talk to his actors in a manner that some might not like. There's a director in this film that acts the same way and you can't help it was spoofing Wynorski and it's actually pretty funny. However, having seen that documentary, I do wonder if the same techniques works with Madsen. As for Madsen, he's clearly just picking up a paycheck here and he appears bored throughout the picture. The supporting cast features some pretty good performances including Teri Ivens, Shandi Finnessey, Rachel Hunter and Rib Hillis all turning in fine work. If you're looking for high art then you're obviously in the wrong place but PIRANHACONDA at least features some good moments, although it does start to wear thin towards the end.