Kazaam (1996)

"Kazaam" is a massive failure on so many levels that showcases a production company's desire to take advantage of children. It fails in terms of everything it sets out to accomplish if there was anything to even begin within the screenplay. Shaq as a genie didn't even make me laugh as much as it made me feel uncomfortable every time I saw that stupid smile of his staring at the kid. This film sucked so let's get this over with.It's about a kid, Max (Francis Capra) who lives with his mother, Alice (Ally Walker) in Brooklyn, New York. During school, Max is chased by bullies into an abandoned building where he falls through a floor and discovers a boom box. He accidentally unleashed the genie inside who calls himself, "Kazaam" (Shaq). Kazaam becomes Max's Genie and follows him around until he can grant the kid three wishes. Max discovers that his mother lied to him about his father, Nick (James Acheson) who left the family years before. He discovers he is in New York and sets out to find his father while hauling Kazaam behind him.I would love to know the real reason why this was made. It doesn't even have any potential to be good at all. It's an excuse and all I can think of is that Shaq was really desperate and needed to make this film. I can't believe he was offered 7 million for this. This is also supposed to be a children's movie. I strongly disagree with that as it quite a violent film as well but I will get to that. So, this garbage starts off with a massive wrecking ball taking up 5 mins of the films opening to destroy a building that houses a magic lamp that Kazaam is inside. The thing tips over and lands on a boom box. The Genie decides to take up residence inside.We are introduced to Max who tries to hard to be a bad boy and gets bullied by some stupid kids who try even harder to be bad boys. It's like the director told the kids to look like wannabe drug-dealing thugs because that what they come off as. These kids are supposed to be high school students but they are so mean-spirited and one of them wears an earring bigger than my fist. It adds a seriously violent tone to the film as they beat Max up for no reason. I can't even begin to believe they are bullies. There is a sequence in a bathroom where they outline his body on the floor with paint. I think I'll stick with the director telling them to be drug dealers because I don't believe they are in high school. This is just awful. Why do we need to show "Bullies" painting a teenager's body on the floor? Was the director hinting something here? The kids are scared off when Kazaam appears and one of them decides to try to hit the Genie with a piece of wood. Does that sound like something someone would do if a Genie, oh I don't know, popped out of nowhere and looked like Shaq dressed as a ridiculous clown? Shaq looks like a TV commercial for the middle east as he walks around with the kid at 7 foot 6 and smiles like an idiot whenever he stares at the kid. From here on, we learn that Max's equally stupid father pirates music and get involves with some of the most laughable actors I have ever seen in a film. These guys are truly pathetic. One of them, I think he is the main villain, speaks with a clearly fake Russian accent and can't act at all. It all leads up to a violent ending involving Max and an elevator shaft. Oh, and then Shaq kung-fu fights a group of terribly acted Russian gangsters. Apparently they want to learn Kazaam's power or something. At this point in the film, I just wanted it to end.Nobody in this film can act. The direction is thrown out the window and the screenplay is such a mess that they need to fill time in so they have Kazaam show Max his powers by using horrible special effects to make it rain candy bars. The special effects are so bad they will hurt your eyes. If that's not enough, Shaq uses even more horrible special effects to shower in front of Max and ride a stupid bike into the air while laughing like an idiot. I think Shaq was a rapper around this time which would explain why there is a dumb subplot where some moron sees Kazaam rap and hires him to open for the female hip hop trio, Salt-N-Pepa. The story takes a complete detour and forgets everything so they can showcase Shaq as a rapper until the end of the film comes along and it forgets Shaq was a rapper so they can end what becomes quite violent.This movie should never have been made and the screenwriter is a joke. Too many bad ideas fused together to make a choppy movie and attempts to showcase Shaq in many different ways that fail; his outfit being the silliest of them all. I'm just mystified as to why the director made this film violent. It's not kiddie violent either. The ending is pretty serious for a "children's movie." I hope parents don't take their kids to see this awful film. The people who made it should be ashamed of themselves for taking advantage of Children. I hope the director, Paul Michael Glaser never makes another film.

Kazaam (1996): Dir: Paul M. Glaser / Cast: Shaquille O'Neal, Francis Capra, Ally Walker, James Acheson, Marshall Manesh: Ridiculous and violent film aimed at younger viewers. Francis Capra plays a boy angry about the split between his parents. He lives with his mother since his father pirates music. Upon escaping from bullies in an abandon building he unleashes Kazaam the genie from a boom box. Like all genies he can grant three wishes but unfortunately none of them involve the ending of this film arrive sooner. Very lame and extremely violent towards the end. Director Paul M. Glaser manages to turn the film into a mess without the assistance of three wishes. Shaquille O'Neal looks pitiful in that stupid clown outfit, and Capra does exactly as expected and arrives right where viewers will likely predict he will be by the film's end. Ally Walker is wasted as Capra's mother who is discouraged with regards to his father but loves her son, etc. His father is one of these guys who just doesn't know any better. Marshall Manesh plays a nightclub owner who shows interest in Kazaam as oppose to a superior script. The only area of compliment are perhaps the special effects, otherwise the film serves only as a showcase for O'Neal in a bunch of stupid action sequences and looking foolish in the process. This film should be kazammed into a campfire to see if it burns into something magical. Score: 1 / 10

This isn't as much of a film as it is a giant promotional campaign by Touchstone Pictures to market the NBA's worst free thrower with his extraordinary height. Not only is this obviously forever trapped in a time capsule set to 1996, but everything in this film is done so bad that it's completely laughable.If I had a handful of cardboard cutouts, they would be far more dimensional than any of the people that acted in this film. It's obvious that Shaq not only fails at free throws, rapping and being a video game character, but his acting is absolutely dreadful. He's a "rapping" (actually a RHYMING) genie that moved into a boombox and is summoned when a boy named Max (played by a young Francis Capra) stumbles upon him after being chased by bullies. Throughout the movie, Shaq becomes a subject of slavery as Max owns him until his three wishes are granted. That's pretty much the whole plot, unless you're actually going to include a meaningless subplot about "finding the true father".It doesn't get any better from there. Shaq demonstrates his mad rapping skills by appearing at a night club where he becomes a selected guest. Guess how fast Theodor Geisel was spinning in his grave when he brought forth the detestable line of "Let's green egg and ham it!" Probably around the same speed that would also be brought forth by those two live action adaptations that shall not be named.Then there's some phenomenal acting. I'm talking about the magical french toast. That performance was far more convincing than anything you could expect Shaq to give us. Too bad this film killed its career.Speaking of career killers, ever noticed what happened to Paul Michael Glaser after he directed this film? It's a long story.Granted, it's not one of THE worst things I have ever seen, but it's very close. Kazaam is proof that pitching a non actor as a main character usually does not give satisfactory results. With all this time wasted in the production of this film, I bet Shaq could have gotten some more practice at free throws. The most shocking thing about this? Shaq actually got ANOTHER lead role a year later, but that's a whole different story subject.

Now, most people who vote this movie as being "bad" probably had the powerful symbolism go over their heads, not that that would be to hard to accomplish. I would suggest everyone rewatch this movie closer and you will see what I mean.This movie may be one of the most powerful commentary on the horror of gang violence and illegal sex trades in America I have ever seen.Watch the movie with that in mind and Shaqs performance will blow you away.10/10I would suggest that this American classic be in every moviegoers collection.