Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988)

So my grandpa found this on Amazon Prime and said we should watch this. This is very strange. I'm not sure how to describe it. Its very absurd and doesn't make much sense. Its intriguing I guess. Its worth watching out of curiosity or if you like boobs I guess. Its kinda funny? I don't know. This thing is so weird.

Top-heavy horror show host Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) quits her TV job to try her luck in Vegas as a showgirl, not realising that she will need $50,000 to kick-start her new career. As luck will have it, that very same day she receives a letter informing her that she is a beneficiary of her late Aunt Morgana. Elvira packs her bags and drives to Fallwell, Massachusetts, for the reading of the will, where she learns that she has inherited her aunt's rundown house, a dog, and a cook book. What she doesn't realise is that her aunt was a witch, that the book contains recipes for spells, and that her Uncle Vincent (William Morgan Sheppard) will do anything to get his hands on it. Meanwhile, the puritanical townsfolk of Fallwell, unimpressed by Elvira's appearance and demeanour, look for a way to be rid of their new neighbour.To be honest, the plot for Elvira: Mistress of the Dark is instantly forgettable schlock, the ribald gags not all that funny, and Peterson's abrasive schtick rather tiresome after a while, but it doesn't really matter that much: the film more than caters for its intended demographic—horny males—by ensuring that its buxom star flashes her impressive cleavage at every opportunity. A thigh high slit in her black dress also gives leg men plenty to appreciate, while those who like a shapely derriere will be pleased to know that Peterson also flashes her butt.Funniest gag: "How's your head?" asks town beefcake Bob (Daniel Greene) after dropping a sign on Elvira's nut. "I haven't had any complaints yet," replies Elvira.Best boob scene: Elvira's Las Vegas act that sees the star twirling her tassles by gyrating her jugs. Mesmerising!

Well, this movie is about Elvira and her breasts more than anything else. Take the references and jokes and leers and squeezes and ogling out and 60% of the film is gone just like that. The film opens with Elvira on the set of her television show when just as she loses her job for refusing to play horsey to the new station owner, she discovers she has inherited something in Falwell, Mass.(Nice use of Jerry Falwell's name here too by the way!). Well, the town is uber "moral" and Elvira is...Elvira. Eventually she discovers she has spell powers, etc... and battles her uncle for her life and property. In between we get all kinds of silly humour such as a dog with a punk hairstyle, an orgiastic picnic with Edie McClurg(need I say more?), a rather tame and pedestrian romance with some imbecile in town, Elvira quipping one-liners like the sleazy Oscar Wilde of her time, and breasts. more breasts. More cleavage. More suggestive uses for those breasts. We get innuendo by the truckload. Naturally all this makes for a silly and stupid film, but Cassandra Peterson as Elvira is indeed more than two large fleshy orbs - she has other talents. She is funny. She can act - at least for a film like this. She has a great screen persona. Sure, the sophomoric obsession with her bazooms, her bosom, her jugs, her boobs, her mammaries, her ample bounty get a bit tiresome for me(and I assure you I am not only a big fan but a dedicated one with regard to those assets), but they are funny an not really made to be anything other than that. There is absolutely nothing erotic here. Elvira is having fun and likes people to see her - much of her - having fun. There are lots of pretty good verbal and visual gags throughout. My favourite is when a letter from a movie marquee hits Elvira in the head. Bob, the dull romantic lead, says, "How's your head?" To which Elvira says, "I've had no complaints."

This movie seems to provide a textbook example of the phrase "guilty pleasure." There's a pair of very big reasons for enjoying "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark," and they are of course, the intelligent script, and the fantastic acting. Yeah, right... Who am I kidding? The lovely Cassandra Peterson bounces across the screen in her incarnation of Elvira, a horror movie hostess who's part Vampira, part Valley Girl, part Mae West, and part Goth chick. True her act is almost a one joke routine, with the audience almost expecting a wardrobe malfunction at any time -- but she does make me laugh big time. The slight plot here has Elvira quitting her movie hosting job, and heading for New England to retrieve an inheritance from her great aunt. The townsfolk there, lead by self-righteous Edie McClurg take an instant dislike to her, and make great effort to drive her out of town. Elvira soon befriends local teenagers, flirts with a brainless hunk, has a confrontation with her evil uncle, and eventually takes on the entire town.There are some pretty big laughs contained in here, and Peterson's delivery is always spot-on and her facial expressions are priceless. Most of the jokes are risqué, usually centered around her highly visible cleavage and her over-active libido. She makes the most of her talents in some very funny ways, like in the fantasy sequence at the beginning where she imagines herself as a winning contestant on a TV game show. She exhibits such excitement here that she can barely contain herself, leaping up and down repeatedly with her arms windmilling. It's quite a sight, and a testament to the strength of duct tape.Edie McClurg supports Peterson nicely, playing "Chastity Pariah," the biggest prude in town, who has some very funny moments. There's even an homage to Carrie, a movie featuring one of McClurg's early film appearances. Jeff Conaway looks absolutely wasted here in his role as a low-life henchman, and considering what became public knowledge about his substance abuse -- he most likely was. A bonus is some cool musical sequences at the end, where Elvira does gymnastics, sings heavy metal, and, actually, raps. Fans of cheesy 1980's music video would really appreciate the poor to bad taste exhibited in these scenes.It's surprisingly funny, and still delivers its obvious message of tolerance. "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark" is a 1980's cult classic that even today lets Elvira keep us all abreast of her remarkable talents.*** out of *****