Cool as Ice (1991)

I know that the reviewers who really give this a good, positive review and my judgement of what's makes a good movie are very, vastly, extremely different. If I paid money to see this as a straight-up movie I would have been gone at about 33 minutes and putting some effort to get my money back. This is laugh out loud funny where it ain't supposed to be. Catch the Rifftrax version, you'll be glad you did.

Hip Hop Artist/Rapper, Robert Van Winkle AKA Vanilla Ice's first big attempt at acting in Hollywood, ultimately got left out in the cold, as 1991's 'Cool as Ice', bombed at the box office. The reasons, why, are very clear. This movie directed by David Kellogg was just not that good. It's a shame that this action, romantic musical film was loosely based off 1953's memorable biker movie, 'The Wild One', because it fails as a good old-fashioned teen rebellion movie. Instead of having the protagonist, Johnny Van Owens (Vanilla Ice) be the anti-hero, like the original movie; fighting against the crude-over-controlling conservative establishment, in which, he encountered in the town. The movie chose to go really far in the left field, and have Vanilla Ice in the second act, be the hero, in a generic, out of place, action movie, hostage-situation, rescue mission that literally has, little to do with anti-authority themes of the first part of the film. It's really jarring. It doesn't help that the action scene, look way, over the top, with Johnny's crashing his motorcycle, through walls and jumping over, cars. To make it worst, the love story between, honor student, Kathy Winslow (Kristen Minter) and bad boy, Johnny is also very unrealistic. After all, it's pretty hard to get with somebody that nearly tries to kill you by making you fall off, a horse!? Better yet, breaks into your house, unannounced, and wakes you, up, by pouring ice cold cubes on your body, steal your book to find out, more about you or try to poison your fishes with brass rings when you break up with him! Its call stalking. Does Vanilla Ice do this, with all, the girls, he had relationship with!? There just something creepy about it. To add on the cringe-factor, Johnny also performs 'Get With it', one of the most misogyny songs in Vanilla Ice's album, while his love-interest is in the audience, while pseudo dry humping and groping other women. How is that, not a sign to drop the zero, and get with another hero!? In short, all the musical performances in this film are horrible, as Ice's mic skills is rhythmically stiff & off-tone, throughout the movie. Those rap sequences really does expose his flaws, both as artist & actor. It's doesn't seem raw. It's sad, too; because all, Vanilla Ice had to do, is show some range and act like himself, not his cocky on-stage persona. Show some true weaknesses of Johnny, while building on his strengths. Instead, the movie chose to shallowing avoids that; in its place, they create, this cartoony, over-the-top childish character. Since, Johnny doesn't have, any emotional depth. He really doesn't bring you, in. In short, nothing, seem genuine. Of course, since this movie is out of touch with reality, Kathy finds this charming as opposed to not buying into, pathetic fake-looking childish call for attention. I really can't stand, Kristen Minter's character, because of this, even if her acting wasn't that bad, and she was semi-attractive. Her character's blind ignorant toward Johnny is frustrating to watch. Well, at least, the audience wasn't sway, as they knew, all of this, was indeed phony. The Improbable Hairstyle, awkward bright, neon clothing and cheesy catchphrases were getting tiresome & dated, even for the time. The gangsta movement was just the corner, waiting for the main spark, the acquittal of four policemen on trial in beating of Rodney King to bring them, into the mainstream. Sooner than later, Vanilla Ice's style, was going to go to the back-burner & along, with this movie. Another thing, about this movie, that hasn't aged well, besides the music; is the outlandish sound effects. All of those, record scratching & tape-recorder rewinds, throughout the film, really does come across, as gimmicky & annoying. As for the camera work & the editing. All of those fast & slow motion montages really seem, not needed. It made the film, a little more unwatchable. It's highly in your face, cheesy. Even, the set design is, out there. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind, the Cloud Cuckoo Land surrealism of the background, but it does, come across, as a bit, distracting. Despite that, I do like the bright dance number & neon opening text, even if it's ripping off, the beginning of director, Spike Lee's 1989's 'Do the Right Thing' & has super-model, Naomi Campbell lip-syncing. I also don't mind, most of the scenery, the film has. After all, cinematographer for this movie, Janusz Kaminski, would later win two Oscars for the films, 1993's 'Schindler's List' & 1998's 'Saving Private Ryan'. Still, that wouldn't be enough to save this movie for me. I really don't like this movie. It's really notoriously dreadful to the point, that even director, David Kellogg, completely disowned it. All the annoying acting, confusing plot-lines, and ear-bleeding rap sequences, makes this, really hard to watch. It's not even that good to call 'So bad, it's good'. In the end, this movie need to store in frozen carbonite, and never be open, again. Better yet, it will be best to destroy this movie with liquid nitrogen if you got a copy. It's just plain old awful! Highly don't recommended.

The problem with Vanilla Ice (and also the Anti Ice, aka: MC hammer for that matter) is they were nice guys. Ice looked too nice, he wasn't intimidating, and to be fair you could have introduced him to your mother and father quite easily, no problem. To borrow a phrase "Word to you Mother" - No, you tell her Mr Ice. And he would have done; nicely.Is this film bad? Say, bad as the endless 'found footage' horrors on Netflix/Google Play? No. No it is not. Is it broken? So un-watchable as to hurt? Again, no. So, why the low scores? It's fashionable to hate it. It became fashionable to hate Vanilla Ice - he was by his own admission a sell-out. So, one person says they hate - a lot of people follow. What is wrong then? My main gripe? Vanilla Ice looks uncomfortable playing the part of a rapper. Is he bad singing rapper? What do i know? Let's say, no. Is he bad at playing the part of a mean tough gangster rapper? Yes. yes he is. He's not as tough as he makes out, and it's obvious in this film. He says a lot of things in this film that does not match his face. Occasionally, when he's talking to little kids or out of character, his face lights up, his smile is genuine, and you see the person Mr Ice is comfortable with being: Himself. A nice guy. To add to this his gang (the VIP?) look awkward too, being anything other than nice decent people. Is all the casting a little misaligned? No, not really. Michael Gross, of tremors fame, Naomi Campbell turns up at the start and end, Jack McGee and Sydney Lassick -- they all work fine. Even the little kid, is actually very good.What about the love interest, Kristin Minter? Is she mismatched with the hero Vanilla Ice? No. Is the bad guy, John Newton, unlikable? Yes. What about the arch villains? They work fine. So for what it is, the cast works.To The plot! In a nut shell: Vanilla Ice, urban rapping rebel, saves very nice posh horse riding girl, who likes in nice posh America, from bad controlling boyfriend. At the same time saves girlfriends well todo family from evil villains and proves himself to them -- Through the medium of rap! Ice eventually turns into Scooby Doo and the gang, jumps on his mystery bike, and saves the day. Go white- boy, go white-boy, go!It's a very late 1980s - early 1990s film. Not as brash as the 1980s, not as self-absorbed as the 1990s. Fun but confused. Neon colours, gentler makeup, more natural haircuts and cyber clothing. The odd scene, let's call them music montages, are a wee bit cheesy. Very 1980s, all movies had them in the 80s, these are shoe-horned in and themed like a bad 1990s music video.It's an above-age made for TV movies. No more, no less. I enjoyed it, for what it was. To the extreme!

this film is quite simply a masterpiece the strong complex story driving plot really pushed the wonderful narrative to an amazing height with its VERY well written dialogue and vanilla ices natural charm and charisma gracing the screen along with his natural Oscar winning acting ability really makes this the Ultimate action film / love story its funny its Intense its just an all Round Brilliant Film combining the Emotion of romeo and Juliet And the Action of a Micheal bay flick along with Quentin Tarantino like Genius dialogue makes this the fines Film to Grace American cinema this film came out 25yrs ago and is still leagues above anything that has come after it the word MASTERPIECE is IMO used to often but in cool as ices case its 100% Justified.10/10