Beowulf (1999)

First, I gave it 5/10 points arbitrarily... I don't honestly know how to rank this film.You know those movies that are so bad they're good, even great? Well, this isn't one of them... This movie is so bad that it's... bad.So why five points? Because it's just a really weird, bad movie that didn't actually leave a bad taste in my mouth afterwards. Yes, I watched it late at night when I couldn't fall asleep, which is the only sane reason to watch this movie. And I've seen some movies that just offended me such that I hated them afterwards, but this movie isn't one of them. This movie DID have some thought and purpose at some point, it's just up to the viewer to figure out when it was, what it was, and what it was supposed to be.The cast and acting is... interesting. Imagine my surprise when I see Mac from Night Court standing atop the 'castle' look out early in the film! What??? And Christopher Lambert apparently turned down Mortal Kombat 2 to do this movie (and had the same Raiden hair still) because the movie at the time had a real low budget of $25M... which was later whittled down to around $3.5M, about enough for the production company to cater the set with Ramen noodles during the shoot. It even has Gotz Otto, who is actually a decent actor, and Rhona Mitra who is an even more decent actress...And Grendel's Mother is a genuine Playboy Playmate! And it shows!!! The movie is filmed on location in Romania... why? Who knows, probably because it was cheap. The scenery is unremarkable at best. Apparently it was not a pleasant place to film at either. The sets aren't bad when you consider they were working with a budget more apt for a weekly TV series episode than an actual feature length film. I think a large portion of the film's budget went towards matches and lighter fluid, as there are an abundance of candles and torches in almost every scene.If only some of that candle money had been spent on the CGI stuffs... which is all horrible. I was in school during that era, and happened to be in a class where we were playing with various 3D art and rendering programs. I think based on that experience, it's safe to say whoever did the CGI in this movie had never actually done so before, and/or hadn't taken the same classes I had, or it may have turned out a little better.The props, specifically the weapons... What can I say? The king carries a non-op chainsaw blade on a stick... and that's par for the course. I get that somehow the viewer is supposed to know in advance that this is a 'post-apocalyptic future', and that the prop guy was shooting for a feeling of weapons constructed of anything that such a people could get their hands on... But why does the castle have electricity for things like the PA system and the Weapon's Master's honing wheel, all the doors make a hissing sound like they're being hermetically sealed (it's a big open drafty castle, mind you), dinner is served in pristine disposable foil serving dishes (probably robbed from the Ramen noodle catering truck), and every dead person gets their own personal, plastic body bag with a zipper on it?!?!? I think I like this film for these reasons, because you know this movie drove the director to drink, at least, and that after the first day of shooting the cast just sort of showed up everyday to shoot the movie, knowing that they were making a turd, but by Gods it was going to be a polished turd if they could help it! I mean seriously, I'm willing to bet that the dinner scenes were real! They shot them at actual meal times, brought the food from the catering truck onto set with them (served in those awesome disposable foil containers) and sat there and read their lines while having dinner with each other. Why not, right? 5/10 points, because it's not a horrible movie that leaves you wanting that hour and a half back from your life, but because it's a horrible movie that leaves you feeling so bad for the cast and crew that you can't help but want to give them something to console them... even if it's just five points in an internet review...

This movie was great. Seriously, I know that it seems by the average rating that there must be something wrong with this flick, but I tell you, it was great. The production values were excellent considering the obvious budget constraints, the imagination of the production crew really out-shined their financial limitations. This movie has a sort of "road warrior" meets "braveheart" look to it, and where less passionate crews might have trouble being consistent with the open ended possibilities that such an aesthetic might afford, these guys really do a great job of creating a believable world that does not seem artificial in any way. The acting was seriously top notch, all the players took the material with deadly seriousness and while lesser actors and actresses may have felt the material beneath them and turned in a tongue in cheek performance, these guys all brought their "A" game, which is more than can be said of most action movies with three times the budget. The fight choreography was very well done and although it had a bit of the "Hong Kong", Wu-Shu inspired feel to it, it didn't go overboard and the work done to edit the actors together with the stunt actors was well above par. The CGI, although not quite at the level of a big budget Hollywood movie, considering that this was made ten years ago, was incredibly inventive, (especially Grendels mom,) and the creature design for Grendel was, again, very imaginative and well filmed. I've heard complaints about the soundtrack, but although everyone's taste in music is different, i felt it was consistent and, appropriately conducive to my level of emmersion in this world. There are only two things that stop me from giving this movie a higher score. The first is a lack of chemistry between Beowolf and Kyra. Perhaps they could have spent a little more time on this relationship, then again, it may have detracted from the overall pace of the film, but I must say, it felt a little forced between them. The second is really no fault of the film, it simply didn't have the budget, (given the subject matter,) nor the aspiration, to be a completely life changing experience, which is what it takes to get a ten out of me. Overall, if you like your action movies to take themselves seriously and you're looking for something a little different, I highly recommend you give this movie a view. On a side note, i don't understand how the CGI Beowolf from a couple of years back could possibly get a higher average score than this, except to say that a lot of people would rather conform to the perceived opinions of the masses instead of giving forth the little amount of effort that it takes to think for themselves. I've seen both, and I have to tell you, this movie was far and above the better film. (And if you ask me, Layla Roberts was way hotter than Angelena Jolie as Grendel's mom.) If you're going to watch any Beowolf movie, make it this one.

Honestly, without looking at the production details, I would never have guessed this film wasn't made in the eighties. It's so eighties I feel it perfectly epitomizes the beloved "'80s action B-movie" genre despite being made a full decade too late. And knowing the extremes B-movies actually from the eighties can go to, that's saying A LOT.It has Chris Lambert playing Billy Idol in a long black leather coat playing Beowulf; Rhona Mitra, "The original model behind Lara Croft in Tomb Raider!"; the kind of ingenious/insane mix of pseudo-medieval, post-apocalyptic and modern fashion and technology I haven't seen since Knights (and that's another one for the B-movie history books); a rather nice, if forgettable, techno soundtrack; more somersaults than you can shake a lever-action clockwork sword at; and Grendel's HOT MOMMA!I think Beowulf would have approved. It gets the attitude right, and that's what counts - to quote the poem, Chapter IX, "Me thus often the evil monsters/ Thronging threatened. With thrust of my sword,/ The darling, I dealt them due return!" (The full text of Beowulf is available at http://www.humanities.mcmaster.ca/~beowulf/ )And, by the way, let's not forget that dirty little chuckle Lambert has perfected. I loved it when he played Raiden in Mortal Kombat, and I absolutely love it here.

I've read a couple different versions of Beowulf (the lady at the used bookstore couldn't believe I was reading it because I wanted to as opposed to needing to for a class), and I love the story.When I saw that there was going to be a sci fi version of the story, I had high hopes. I thought to myself, "Self, this could be very cool." Sadly, I was very disappointed when I rented the movie and sat down to watch it.As the ending credits rolled by, my only comment was that all involved should commit a ritual suicide in order to atone for their sins. I'm not going to burden you with any further comment. Make your own decision as to whether or not you choose to watch this movie. I wash my hands, and take no responsibility for your actions.Good day.