America 3000 (1986)

!!!Warning: Consumption of the whole film will be deadly: Warning!!! Please, don't recognize more than a few minutes of this celluloid. !!!Warning: Consumption of the whole film will be deadly: Warning!!! This means only, that your brain will hurt. !!!Warning: Consumption of the whole film will be deadly: Warning!!! But more than a few minutes is equally to listen to a vogon's poem. !!!Warning: Consumption of the whole film will be deadly: Warning!!! So beware of too much consumption. !!!Warning: Consumption of the whole film will be deadly: Warning!!! It could be deadly. !!!Warning: Consumption of the whole film will be deadly: Warning!!!

This is perhaps my favorite bad movie of all time. Taste is out the window as rival tribes of overcoiffed women vie for the title of "Tiara." Men have been relegated to a few carefully restricted roles, like "seeder," and everyone speaks a highly idiomatic -- nay idiotic -- dialect. In this dialect, something that is really good is said to be "hot plastic" and all agreements are sealed by intoning "solemn swear." But one day a bright -- or rather, brighter -- male breaks out of his role and tries to become something more. Havoc ensues, language is mangled, "hot rocks" are hurled, and more need not be said. I just wish someone would release it on DVD. Take a chance -- this one is out there. Way out.

Hi folks! This has to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. And I like bad movies!! It's just that in this one there is less of the 'funny' bad and more of the 'bad' bad! I struggle to comprehend how movies like this get made. Who pays for this crap to get produced and thinks they will make money? Anyway on to the film itself, which is set in a post - apocalyptic USA, where men and women live a separate warring tribes. The women initially have the upper hand, keeping men as slaves for various functions: Machos - manual labour, Toys - uhhhh, toys, and Seeders (where the guy dresses up in a burqa and 'seeds' a tied up woman for the purposes of reproduction. Ooohhh, kinky!) The square jawed, blonde haired leader of the men (Chuck Wagner - AUTOMAN!!! How cool was that show?) stumbles across a secret that could turn the tide in the men's favour, or unite them with the women.Corny sequences that I enjoyed in this film: The leader riding out dressed in his sparkly gold radiation suit (What???) blaring cheesy hair band metal from his 900 year old boom box. Weird! The leader of the men and the women's tiara (queen) 'rediscovering' sexual intercourse, breathing and fumbling over each other.Some great dialogue: When the leader discovers the bunker and receives a message intended for the president, the message states: "No one asked for this war, but GODDAMN it Mr President, we've won it! Caught the GODDAMN Russkies with their pants down!!!" When he is showing the women's leader around and she reaches for the control panel, he says in a cheesy tone: "Careful!! Don't wanna nuke the world!" Apart from these brief and all too infrequent 'highlights', the rest of the film is an absolute writeoff, crappy and boring beyond belief.

This movie was dumb, banal, and trite. That's about the best things I can say about it. The whole plot revolves around life after a nuclear war in which the men fight the women. The narrator is annoying, and everyone has those awful mid-1980's haircuts. Another bad call: one scene features a sign which reads "The Rolling Stones Farewell tour 1989." Legend has it that this movie was going to be in season 11 of MST3K. Even if that's not true, it should have been.