Earthstorm (2006)

I give this a 5 because to me it is corny!! It seems like the younger generation believe all the junk that a computer produces is God's honest truth. It's not! You can tell that all the explosions are computer generation. Another thing you use linear charges to knock down a building. That is when just using conventional explosives. Now when you use nuclear everything changes. A lot of people are to the opinion that is, if you have 2 nukes alongside each other your going to get double the yield. Only trouble it doesn't work that way. In real life you do not drop or plant 2 nukes together, because only one is going to go off.When you have 2 nukes set at the same time to go off. You cannot get 2 electrical circuits to fire at the exact same time. One will be a milli-second off from the other & that is enough. One is going to detonate first & will vaporize the other. Hence, one detonation.How do I know this? I was a weapons mechanic in the USAF many moons ago & got to load both types of explosives & had to take a lot of courses on same.

As usual, I have the TV on to Telefutura 'cause I'm waiting for "NCIS" on CBS & I'm playing the Wii. I coulda just said this is another run-of-the-mill TV-movie about some killer space turd heading to Earth set to kill millions. Governments & top management have their fears but use their authority to slow down progress to stop the menacing meteors. But some renegade blue-collar worker who's grieving over someone steps in & defies the naysayers into leading the mission to stop the deadly asteroids & save the world in a visually epic fashion. Hero gets the girl (& maybe a medal). The end. Such a film would've made me rate it 2 stars. But that was b4 I began asking questions as I watched the crucial part of "Earthstorm." "Why the hell is the space shuttle launching on a rainy day?" "Why the hell is Stephen Baldwin standing on his own 2 feet in the shuttle in outer space?" "Why the hell is the space shuttle moving like the Millennium Falcon?" You might assume that the writers were high upon writing this, but I think they might've been sober but w/ just a deadline in their rectums. "C'mon, damn you! You got till 3 o'clock!" "Umm, the space shuttle uses a magnetic bomb to fill in the lunar chasm?" "Hmmm. Good enough." I actually was making some tasteless riffs while watching this shuttle scene like, "Well, if Perseus didn't end up like the Challenger maybe it'll suffer Colombia's fate." (one spoiler: The Perseus' return to Earth was so successful that it needed not be shown in the film. How convenient!) Damn, now I got a deadline up my keister so I better state my major points. Yes, the characters appeared to be typical of such disaster films that it deprived "Earthstorm" of chemistry. In fact I watched the film so casually that when the hero kissed the redhead in the end I didn't know (nor care) that there was a spark between the two & joked, "I thought they were brother & sister!" or "I thought one of 'em was gay!" I might understand why space shuttle Perseus got souped up as in reality, many of the space shuttle missions had been mundane, such as visits to the International Space Station & just doing research on astronomy or astrophysics & using shuttle-loads of math. Stephen Baldwin now has another movie alongside "The Flintstones" to be ashamed of. All the while brother Alec is hotter than ever as he wins Emmys, opens his liberal pie-hole, & does Capital One ads. & at least Adam did a film w/ Cindy Crawford despite the negative notoriety for "Fair Game." That reminds me. Considering how atrocious "Earthstorm" was, I only wish this attracted enough votes to vie for the IMDb Bottom 100 but it's only a TV movie & the list is full of films from MST3K (it's cool; I'm a MSTie fan), Paris Hilton movies, & Razzie winners & nominees. To summarize, if possible, rent or download "Earthstorm" but make it a social event, invite friends, & riff your butts off like Joel, Mike, Crow, & Tom Servo used to over the flaws of "Earthstorm," especially on the TOTALLY AWESOME scene where, like, the space shuttle, like, flies through the asteroid field & stuff & like, takes off at Warp Speed? Like, completely epic!!! Incidentally I tweeted to Rifftrax, something done by 3 guys from MST3K, if they'd view "Earthstorm" & riff it; I hope they respond although I think many fans make suggestions to riff many movies. Oh yeah. It's not NASA (who musta LOL'ed upon being asked for permission for using their name) but ASI...I think. It coulda been SNASA for all I care (as in something used in Barney's mating calls on "How I Met Your Mother.") "Earthstorm" sucks! I'm done.

A made for TV film starring one of them Baldwin chaps. Surprisingly watchable.A massive asteroid smacks the s**t out of the moon and earth is showered by pieces of the moon which have broken away. It transpires that the moon is proper f****d, will split in two and destroy the world. Baldwin plays a demolitions expert. Face from the A-Team plays the bloke who runs the NASA type agency. Despite all the geologists and lunar experts in his employ, Face decides that Baldwin is the only man who can save the day. Good call, Faceman,because guess what..... YEAH! Baldwin only goes and does it... Thanks, Baldwin.

Thanks to the complete disregard by the makers of this movie of anything resembling science, I found it quite enjoyable. Yes, there is something called a "space shuttle", and the moon does exist, but that's about where the scientific facts end. Lots of fun trying to spot all of the plot elements that completely disregarded various law of physics; though I lost count after a while. I especially enjoyed how they would just string together some random technical-sounding words to explain each new problem encountered. Loved how to shuttle was able to magically levitate within the moon crevasse. The "goofs" page documents a few more items, but I imagine they also gave up after a while. Great fun!