New Alcatraz (2002)

A snake in the Antarctic? Whuh? This is what first intrigued me. That and the fact that I had finally gotten around to seeing the Anaconda movies, so why not? But this one is about a Boa, and although I cannot recall the difference off the top of my head, this one was bigger in the fact that it was close to 90' long if I remember correctly. So, clearly this creature is/was a member of the ancient world--that or perhaps some other intriguing possibilities. Hibernating in a hollow rock. Seems it could be possible. Or maybe this movie is speaking on spiritual terms. Why not both? Kind of like alien, it seems interesting albeit deadly things are found in the arctic. But hey, the engineers said not to do what the warden tells them to do and they all die as a result. --why do they call in the researchers though?

Boa (2001)* 1/2 (out of 4) Yet another "Creature Feature" with a silly creature and even sillier characters. This time out the government is in the Antarctic where they are building a new Alcatraz, which is going to hold the world's worst criminals. A notorious terrorist is one of the first six in the prison but it's still under construction when they accidentally dig to deep. Unfortunately for them it unleashes an eighty-foot snake that likes to eat humans. Husband and wife scientists (Dean Cain, Elizabeth Lackey) are called in with a SWAT team to take the beast out. Have you ever been watching a movie and fall asleep only to wake up what you think is a few minutes later and you look back at the TV and you're completely lost because you don't realize that you were actually sleeping a little over two hours and are now in a different movie? I had that feeling watching this movie (also known as NEW ALCATRAZ) because the thing skipped around way too much and had too many characters coming and going. At first we're with those building the prison. We then jump to the terrorist who ends up getting captured. We then jump to the scientist and their marital issues. When then jump to the snake a little bit. When then go back to a prison escape. When then forget the first few story lines and skip to something else. Finally, we get back to the snake but by now we're into the movie a good hour and wishing we could fall asleep. This is yet another horror movie with a bad CGI monster that appears funnier than it is scary. I'm sorry but when you see this large, fake snake you just can't take it too serious and in the end you'll be laughing at it more than anything. Snakes really give me the creeps so it's not good when someone like me isn't bothered by the creature. The characters really aren't any more interesting as they're the stereotypes you'd expect to see in something like this and it doesn't help that Cain is playing a scientist. The death scenes are all extremely weak and poor looking and those wanting the red stuff are going to be disappointed as well. BOA, or whatever title you want to call it, is pretty weak from start to finish so you might as well watch something else (but not PYTHON, which is even worse).

New Alcatraz would have gotten a 4/10 from me if it weren't for the fact that I nearly stopped watching it partway through due to predictability. The director and writer seem to have learned their trade by reading "Starter's guide: Make your own survival horror!".Only three characters survive the movie. One of them survived because the plane needed a pilot. The other two survived because they were married to each other. The hero is killed off at the last moment in order to conform to the expectations of the genre. Altogether throughly unconvincing.The only remotely realistic character in the entire movie is Yuri Brescov, played by Mark Sheppard (who actually plays the role quite well). The two paleontologists are not particularly sympathetic characters, in fact, the only thing they have going for them is the fact that they closely resemble Antonio Banderas and Katie Holmes respectively.With the exception of Yuri, who was a beacon of courage, competence, common sense and honour, the other characters failed to put up even a reasonable level of effort into ensuring their own survival, despite being completely aware of the nature and deadliness of the threat they faced. Mind boggling incompetence seems to occur in every scene. One particularly strange event is when the soldier McCarthy is killed and the major seems to immediately forget about his existence, not even acknowledging his death, despite being in constant radio contact with him for several minutes leading up to his death.Another failure is the inconsistency of the characters. Two examples come to mind, the first is Sergeant Quinn, who has been extremely worried about the snake and the survival of himself and his men and even refused to leave the command station until given a direct order by the warden is told by the scientists that the vibrations produced by the carts they are riding would attract the snake and they should proceed on foot. At this point he suddenly decides that he can't be bothered to walk and continues on in the cart. The other example would be Yuri, who is extremely calm, clearheaded and courageous throughout the rest of the movie suddenly freezes in the middle of a scene, which again is totally out of character.One of the biggest oversights is the potential for psychological tension between the prisoners and the 'good guys' during the escape, which seems to have been completely ignored. The inmates of the highest security prison in the world are actually fairly decent people. I am incapable of giving any comment on this.The real failing of the movie is that it is neither character driven nor plot driven. This removes all the believability in the story and prevents the audience from becoming involved in the film. With a good writer this could have been a great film. Three out of Ten.

It's amazing that someone actually made this. If it was any worse, it could pass as a comedy. This way, it's just boring. I feel pity on the ones who pay to see this ... "movie"... And since there has to be some more text, I'll expand it by rating the acting non-existent, CGI laughable, story a terrible Aliens-Jurassic park-Anaconda-Thing ripoff,and directing... argh... Who the hell gave those guys a camera? 0/10