V.I. Warshawski (1991)

"V.I. Warshawski" (Kathleen Turner) is a private detective who is hired by a former hockey player named "Bernard 'Boom Boom' Grafalk" (Stephen Meadows) to investigate some deals involving his two brothers. When her client is murdered she not only inherits the murder case but temporarily gets Bernard's 13 year-old daughter "Kat" (Angela Goethals) as well. Throw in a shady mob figure by the name of "Smeissen" (Wayne Knight), a fatherly cop "Lt. Mallory" (Charles Durning) and a two-timing newspaper journalist named "Murray" (Jay O. Sanders) and what develops is a good action movie with plenty of humor along the way. Now, while this movie certainly has some faults what I liked best about it was the performance of Kathleen Turner who I thought did quite well in spite of some weak dialogue and a couple of rather obvious and predictable scenes. She also had some great legs. In any case, I enjoyed the movie and I rate it as slightly above average.

V.I. Warshawski is set in Chicago where female private detective V.I. Warshawski (Kathleen Turner) meets ex-hockey player Bernard 'Boom-Boom' Grafalk (Stephen Meadows), they quickly fall for each other & as a favour Warshawski agrees to look after Bernard's 13 year old daughter Kat (Angela Goethals) while he confronts his two brothers about dodgy business dealings at their shipping yard. Later that night at the docks a tug boat explodes & Bernard caught in the blast is killed, Kat hires Warshawski to find out who killed her father. Warshawski starts with Bernard's brother's & business partners Trumble (Charles McCaughan) & Horton (Frederick Coffin), soon Warshawski is feeling heat from the local police & the local mobsters as someone doesn't want her to find out the truth...Directed by Jeff Kanew this simplistic comedy thriller based on the V.I. Warshawski novels by Sara Paretsky really is as bad as everyone says, in fact this has to be one of the worst big budget Hollywood thrillers of all time & lets face it there's some strong competition out there. The script apparently took three people to write it, Edward Taylor, David Aaron Cohen along with Nick Thiel & one has to say that for such a by-the-numbers unimaginative film that amazes me. With the collective thoughts of three screenwriters why did V.I. Warshawski turn out to be so bad? Who knows, who cares. The plot is no more complicated or clever than a simple murder mystery in which the killers motive is no more original or imaginative that money, it really is as simple as that. There are no twists, there are no clever red herrings or subplots & the whole story is just the most dumbed down collection of thriller clichés you can think of. I was waiting for some sort of clever twist, some amazing plot development but this film has less intelligence & fewer surprises than the average Scooby-Doo episode. Then of course there's the unbearably unfunny & frankly embarrassing attempts at comedy, from the expected comedy relief bad guy & his goons to someone constantly mispronouncing Warshawski's name to all the sexual innuendo fuelled jokes ('she can handle my hose anytime' or 'your a female dick' sums up the sophistication of, or rather lack of, this film) which are so unfunny it hurts. The one-liners aren't funny, the dialogue isn't funny, the zero dimensional character's aren't funny & to top everything off there's a hugely annoying & irritating child actor just to grate on your nerves even more & make you hate yourself for watching it. There's no two ways about it & there's no nice way to put it, V.I. Warshawski is quite possibly the worst crime thriller I have ever seen, period.Director Kanew turns in an alright looking film, it's competently made but not exactly stylish & the whole one action scene is very flat & unexciting. Basically it's two boats speeding along a river with Warshawski & Kat in one & a couple of bad guy's in the other, that's it, that's the films big action moment. Two boats on a river that never meet or touch. Lame. You know something, I am really struggling to find anything positive to say about this film, I really am. I suppose if you find Kathleen Turner sexy you might like this otherwise I suggest you give it a wide berth. This flopped big time at the box-office when originally released which was probably down to bad word of mouth, the fact it was crap & most people not even being able to pronounce the title V.I. Warshawski let alone know what it meant. According to the IMDb Turner did her own stunts & ended up breaking her nose while shooting this & the producer Jeff Lurie currently owns the Philedelphia Eagles.Technically the film is reasonably well made but lacks any style & is instantly forgettable on all counts. Although set in Chicago the film was shot partly in Chicago & Los Angeles. The acting is pretty poor all round, Turner was in it for the money probably & felt a big Hollywood action film might do her career some good...V.I. Warshawski is a truly awful film, I really don't know how else to describe this dreadfully unfunny thriller that tries to be clever & funny but just ends up anything but. A turkey. Big Style.

In the 1980's Kathleen Turner was a tremendous star. Several of her films were huge box-office hits:"Romancing the Stone"(1984), "Jewel of the Nile"(1986), "Peggy Sue Got Married"(Best Actress Oscar nomination,1986), and "The War of the Roses"(1989). Critics loved her in John Huston's "Prizzi's Honor"(1985) and "The Accidental Tourist"(1987). Her sexy voice helped make "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"(1988) an enormous blockbuster. And who can forget her star-making performance that made her quite the sex-symbol in "Body Heat"(1981). When "V.I. Warshawski" came out Turner was still at her peak. The huge success of "War of the Roses" made her the #1 female star at US BoxOffices in early 1990. But "V.I." opened to disastrous reviews. She is actually very good in it but the script is so mediocre and the direction is so flat. She is given nothing to work with but her vibrant personality and sultry looks keep it together. The film ended up pulling in only 12 million in the US. This disaster immediately derailed Turner's career. Male stars like Bruce Willis and Nicolas Cage can star in one flop after another pulling in huge salaries but it does not matter as long as they get an occasional blockbuster. But take a huge Female star like Turner- give her one colossal dud and she is more or less finished in Hollywood. Turner's career never recovered. A few more mediocre duds followed then her looks went so now she is stuck in supporting roles that make it hard to believe she was once among the greatest of female stars. Maybe she can make a comeback as a star character actress. WHo knows.

I didn't really like this film. Where was all the action? I mean it was supposed to be an action film with a little mystery behind it right? The mystery part was okay but after just a few minutes you knew who the bad guy was. After seeing the man from Sienfeld and 3rd Rock from the sun do some very funny characters, seeing him try to be the hard hitting gangster in this film was hard to believe. He did okay with the role it was just trying to see him as a bad man was not very easy. As for Kathlene Turner, she did the best with the role as she could. She is still a great actress but took on a bad role.This film is way on the bottom of my list. I wish it could have been so much better but OH WELL.