Once Upon a Time in Venice (2017)

ONCE UPON A TIME IN VENICE is a quirky comedy thriller set in California. It's another straight to video effort for ageing action man Bruce Willis, playing up to his wise guy persona by tackling the role of a tired and caffeine-addicted private detective who goes off the deep end when the dog he's been dogsitting is kidnapped. This is a low budget and quite bizarre little outing at times, variously copying the likes of JOHN WICK and PULP FICTION at times. The cast is populated by a tapestry of oddball characters, some of whom work, some of whom don't. There's a lot of sex and a lot of shouting and a few witty scenes. Tonally it's all over the place, too often wallowing in toilet and crude humour, as well as repetition (the amount of times Willis gets knocked out without suffering any after effects). Willis is okay, just okay, with his most memorable scene being the nude skateboarding moment which is achieved via some digital trickery. The ever-excellent John Goodman gives the best performance to my mind, although it's nice to see Jason Momoa playing something other than a stock tough guy. Thomas Middleditch is also quite amusing, which I wasn't expecting at all so kudos to him.

This movie is Mesmerizing. Bruce Willis stars as Steve Ford a down and out ex-cop turned gum-shoe detective who loses his dog and involves himself in hilariously unfunny escapades in an effort to get the mutt back. If Thomas Middleditch's 'Verizon' commercials make you fall off the couch with laughter then this movie is for you. I don't know why I kept watching 'Venice'. At first, I guess I was hoping it was going to be another 'The Whole Ten Yards'. The writers play on every cult movie cliché and basically rewrote their own versions of 'Pulp Fiction' and hoped no one would notice. "Once Upon a Time in Venice" is a movie to watch when your remote control stops working and you are too lazy to check the batteries. The one saving grace is Jessica Gomes frontal nude scene. Sadly it lasts less than five seconds. John Goodman also stars in this fiasco and 'acts' like he was doing someone a favor just by showing up. I wholeheartedly suggest that you make an effort to watch 'Once Upon A Time in Venice' and then try to stop watching it.

After spending the past few years almost exclusively appearing in direct to DVD movies in small roles that were each knocked off in just a few days of shooting, Bruce Willis here returns to playing a lead role. Though he was sleepwalking in those other movies, Willis here is clearly giving it his all for this movie, having a lengthy nude sequence and later appearing in a dress, among other commitments to the movie. It's nice to see Willis actually trying hard after so long a time of not doing so, though it's kind of a shame that the movie isn't better. Now, don't get me wrong - the movie is not terrible or bad. It isn't boring, and there are some amusing sequences here and there. But it never really rises above being okay. I think the reason for that is that the script is kind of jumbled and underwritten. It takes about half an hour for the movie to set everything up and give Willis' character a goal to accomplish. And even once that happens, the movie really feels more like a collection of vignettes instead of having one solid storyline. The movie passes the time in a painless manner, but all the same I was glad I waited for the movie to appear on Netflix instead of paying to rent the DVD.

I bloody love Bruce Willis... always have liked him since he was the silly and annoying David Allison on Moonlighting. The guy's got moxie!But this is horrible. An annoying clown, Thomas Middleditch, narrates his way through the movie because we're too stupid to figure it out on our own. Every time this tosser appears on screen or says anything I just want to punch him in the face. Why he's even there at all is beyond me... unless it's to make everyone else look good!Bruce Willis and John Goodman look bored. They have clearly been blackmailed into doing this crap-fest. Either that or the money was worth sacrificing their dignity for.I hope Bruce finds an interest in making good movies again. The bloke is a talented comedy actor... but he's also been coming across like a burned out, lazy, spoiled git in the last few years.As for the movie itself... the (alleged) comedy is forced and stilted. The characters are dull and difficult to engage with. Bruce naked skateboarding on a busy street isn't funny. It should be, but the ham-fisted direction destroys it.Bruce looks like he's following the Robert De Niro school of acting career trajectories... make some classic stuff when you're young and ride the wave for as long as you can!