Princess of Mars (2009)

Let me start off by saying, I only listened to about one chapter of the audio book, then like many things, I got bored, started listening to Asimov instead. I liked the movie, the pacing and storyline seemed to go pretty well, I was disgusted at some points with the bugs, found it funny when carter killed the guy that held his chains with just a flick of his wrist and loved the funny nature of the alien species that took him in. The movie could have potentially been great, had it not been for other factors.Now, the other factors, in sequence, 1)gravity, mass, carter has to slow down in an arc and somehow stop himself jumping between peaks at the start 2) Do not have a shot of a slow moving hovering land barge with an entire paragraph of dialogue being said by an actor 3) do not have a long drawn out escape from the land barge during the initial vicious attack of the land barge 4)the flying bug attacks on Traci lords, we see her swarmed, but as we know, not actually swarmed because the hero's woman does not get injured, they should have simply surrounded the cage and freaked her out, way more plausible 5)the martians somehow got outside the climate control station? 6) I was very confused about the atmosphere effect at the end, going away? coming back? they looked reversed, it was only when i saw the second graphic that I went "oh the first one is the atmosphere going away"Anyway, alright movie, just be ready for things beyond your control

This movie made me nostalgic for a couple of things at once. The first is the series of Edgar Rice Burroughs movie adaptations that came out in the late 1970's, such as "At the Earth's Core" and "The Land That Time Forgot." Both movies starred Doug McClure, which was okay, but which was sort of like casting Joe Don Baker as Tarzan. This movie goes with a much better lead, the lean, muscular, gritty Sabato, Jr. The other blast of nostalgia was for the 1930's Flash Gordon serials. I could close my eyes and just about hear Buster Crabbe when Sabato, Jr. was trying to speak believable dialogue in ridiculous circumstances. Another thing that made the film reminiscent of Flash Gordon was the filming location - Bronson Canyon.I really have to congratulate the filmmakers for not going the teen heartthrob route with John Carter. They could easily cast a "cool" 22 year old with a wild mane of hair and a snotty attitude. I'm so glad that they didn't.The green Martians, quite naturally, suffered from the budget. I mean, there was no way that even a reasonably budgeted flick could pull off two hours' worth of decently animated four armed giant desert savages. As a result, the green Martians are more like the Tuskan Raiders in Star Wars, and that's okay.The weakest link, other than the goofy plot device that sends Carter to Mars in the first place, was the Princess of Mars herself, portrayed by Traci Lords. Someone with the looks and bearing of a Penelope Cruz or a young Caroline Munro (McClure's leading lady in the 70's) would have been better fit for the role. Lords was more like a queen mother than a princess, but she pushed the film along with stern determination.It's unfortunate that Edgar Rice Burroughs' name isn't attached to the piece, but I have to remember that this is an unauthorized adaptation of a 1911 magazine story (book publication 1917) that has been in the public domain for quite awhile.The film also struck me as a slightly pro-Israeli political allegory, but maybe that's just my own overactive imagination. Just watch it for yourself.

Extrenmely low-budget adaptation of the first novel in ERB's classic "John Carter of Mars" series, shot for the SyFy Channel after it was announced there would be a big budget adaptation of some of the Carter novels for a 2012 theatrical releases. You know you're in trouble when the leads are played Antonio Sabato and Tracy Lords. The slightly built Sabato is no one's idea of Carter (who was a strapping soldier from the late 1800s in the novels) and Lord is about 20 years too old to play Dejah Thoris, princess of Mars. Plus neither can act, and their frequent closeups show a range of expression from A to The writers took tremendous liberties with the book (which can be read online for free), some of which I understand for want of a budget. But others, like changing Carter from a post-Civil War, Indian-fighting officer to a modern-day soldier, is unforgivable. Badly photographed and choreographed on top of everything else. Decent music, which would have been better put to use in an entirely different movie. Skip it. By the bye, I notice the box notes suggest this story inspired James Cameron's AVATAR. Nothing could be further from the truth. AVATAR was a remake of a cartoon from the late 1980s or early 90s, FERN GULLY.

Watching this film one is certain that everything is possible. Indeed if we must admit that the impossible is beyond this movie. How is it possible to find money for something so bad? It is a true miracle and we must admit that everything is possible. Unless the very bad "actor Antonio Sabato Jr. as father a mobster. Or an uncle in the Mafia wishing to launder money. This "film" is a complete idiocy. Bad script. Bad history. Bad music. Bad special effects. Bad costumes. Bad decor. Bad actors / actresses. Etc.. Too bad we could not see the breasts of "Traci Lords" or his ass or sex. It would have been interesting to know if his advanced age, she shaved her sex. It should be like Antonio Sabato Jr. has everything to be porn actor .... Traci Lords should never have let go the only thing she is able to do: porn. Open his mouth to make pipes is one thing, open to interpret something interesting is another. If you want to see Traci Lords, it is better to see in the "movies" as follows: The Sex Godness Kinky Business Lust In The Fast Lane Bad Girls III Sex Shoot Etc..