The Wild, Wild Planet (1967)

So, it is 1:00 am and I am up watching "The Wild, Wild Planet"(1965) - Off the hook, certified wacky goodness! If you like movies like "The Green Slime", this is a must see! Almost beyond description, but here goes... A deranged scientist is using his employer's top-secret bio-laboratory to engage in clandestine eugenics experiments. When he starts kidnapping leading citizens for use in his twisted tests, it's up to rogue cop Mike Halstead to come to the rescue of all and sundry, including his lady friend Connie, who is also being held captive by the madman. This entry is part of the Gamma I Quadrilogy space adventures (Yes, there are 4 of these!), directed by Antonio Marghereti (aka Anthony Dawson). Also starring a very young Franco Nero! This was a staple on WPIX channel 11 when I was a kid and some of my "Older" Facebook friends may remember watching it with me back then! What can I say, dumb, 60's mod sci-fi fun all the way. Sexy babes, cheesy effects, 4 armed assassins, 60's style martial arts, shrinking people to the size of dolls, turning people into half men/half women (Just like Denny's on a Saturday night in Hollywood!). God help me, I love this sh*t! Just go find it and watch it!

Jack-of-all-trades director Antonio Margheriti is primarily known for his horror output, but he also took time out in the '60s to direct a handful of low-budget yet colourful science fiction epics termed "space operas". WILD, WILD PLANET is probably the most entertaining of his sci-fi movies, a fast-paced and action-packed tale involving all manner of weird and wonderful creations and colourful, tacky set designs. If one film could exemplify the swinging '60s then this retro-gem would be the one. Where else would you find caped dancers with huge butterflies painted on their capes dancing before a rapt audience? Surprisingly this film lacks an American lead this time around but there are many familiar Italian faces in the cast list. Tony Russel takes the lead as Mike Halstead and is great as the no-nonsense commander who finds himself embroiled in an extremely weird mystery. Lisa Gastoni is his pretty but cold girlfriend who finds herself in the clutches of the typical mad scientist chap, played by Massimo Serato. Serato has a ball with his good-natured but corrupted evil scientist and makes for a superb choice as a villain. A very young-looking Franco Nero also appears in the film as Jake, one of Halstead's men who will do anything to protect his boss.I find it difficult to do a linear review for a film like this so instead, I'll just create a list of all the cool stuff it has in it. Firstly, Margheriti was obviously really into his model-making phase here, as each and every shot of space vehicles or futuristic city has been created in miniature. It may not make for the most realistic science fiction film ever but it's certainly one of the most unintentionally amusing - check out the spaceship that flies back and forth on a wobbly wire! There's also a car accident which involves a model car flying off a mound of earth and is damn hilarious to watch. Elsewhere we have supposed astronauts rocking to and fro on barely-hidden wires while their fellow actors look on in surprise. We have brightly-coloured futuristic cars which somehow look very sixties in their design and unconvincing. There's a plethora of weird and wonderfully colourful costumes on display and lots of fake scientific equipment which nonetheless looks cool. The film contains a pack of female fighters who certainly have the upper hand on their male counterparts during a hotel room battle where martial arts moves are all the rage, and the women disappear into nothing when beaten. We have bald villains in black macs and sunglasses (inconspicuous see) going around and shrinking people. The miniature people are later discovered hidden inside suitcases in a state of suspended animation much to the horror of minor cast members. One such character shrinks a doctor but only half completes the process, turning the man into an unhappy dwarf! Later on we discover the bald men are in fact clones and have four arms for some reason. I don't really know why but it looks cool anyway.The film gets even better towards the end as Halstead and his men invade the enemy planet and infiltrate the base. A battle with guards takes place and lots of guys die by having blowtorches - sorry, flame-spewing guns - shot at their chests and being burnt. The good guys are later captured when a huge steel box is simply dropped on them out of the sky. The baddie takes time out to explain all of his evil schemes and we even get to see a room of genetic failures, or more realistically overacting Italians in bad makeup. It turns out that the evil scientist desires (more than anything else in the world) to merge himself with a woman! The excellent finale sees the enemy base destroyed (again mostly in miniature) by a flood of red water - I guess that's the risk you take when you build your base UNDERNEATH a huge lake! Lots of things explode and people scream as they drown, including the lead villain Massimo Serato. Luckily the good guys escape in conveniently-placed capsules and simply pop to the surface. The epilogue shows them relaxing and womanising by the poolside in a typically sexist '60s Italian way familiar to anyone who's seen a Euro-spy flick. On top of all this we have some cheesy dubbing and hilarious dialogue ("you helium-headed idiot" was a particular favourite of mine). WILD, WILD PLANET is hugely entertaining and far-out movie which is why I recommend it wholeheartedly to sci-fi fans looking for something other than the more mundane and boring fare.

An early example of Italian sci-fi, Wild,Wild Planet could have been a lot more fun had the story dealt with less abstract issues. What ultimately prevents one from enjoying this film full-on is Tony Russell in the lead who just can't elevate his primitive character saddled with lousy dialogue above the average 'good guy action hero' level. Some awful costume design and occasionally too-predictable sound design don't help things, either. Massimo Serato acquits himself well as a mad scientist, too bad his character is absent throughout the middle section the film. Very nice to see Umberto Raho in a supporting role, not to mention the rising star Franco Nero. There are lots and lots of obvious yet still amazing miniature shots some of which are integrated into the rest of the footage with commendable ingenuity. Margheriti saves the pyrotechnics display for the grand finale.Watch Wild Wild Planet for the cinematography, sporadic and drawn-out fisticuffs and amusing futuristic designs. It's all a bit boring but worth a look for Margheriti enthusiasts.

Like Plan Nine From Outer Space (which is only slightly worse), Wild Wild Planet is an absolute must-see if only for the unintentional laughs and the I-Can't-Believe-This-Got-Released reaction. The "City of the Future" set is so obviously a model that it took me a while to realize they were trying to fool me into thinking it was a city. The star troopers patrol the city in a flying saucer dangling from a string. Instead of "nit-wit", the insult of choice is "helium head." And the scene that actually made me laugh out loud...when the star troopers get to the planet Doofus...er, Delphus, they are given a tour of the facility, which includes a "space conditioning" room. In it, there are these rotating "steam boxes" with men in them, only their heads are visible, and they slowly go around and around like some goofy little carnival ride. I split a gut! And then there's the Proteo Theatre, which features a gay production of Madame Butterfly or something, set to music by the Ventures...oh, yes, friends, this is a hoot. Grab some popcorn and a glass of Saurian Brandy, and drink a toast to the way we thought things were going to be now, back in the 60's.