Pocket Ninjas (1997)

This is one of the worst movies I have have ever watched. Everything about it is beyond bad. The acting, dialogue, fights, score, and humor are all total crap. The acting from everyone just feels pathetic. The dialogue feels like it was written by a 5 year old. The score is annoying as hell. The humor is failed completely. Then we have the worst thing about it. The sense of action feels void. Most of the movie is just people training. It gets really boring, and then when you reach an actual fight it is filled with loud sound effects that are laughably bad. As for action it feels like they put no effort into it actually being entertaining. The worst part of the movie in my opinion is for sure the bad guys training. It is supposed to be tough guys training, but instead it is just a bunch of silly slapstick to god awful music. It feels laughably bad at first, but it goes on forever to the point of boredom. This movie is just lame. It is as lame as I can imagine a karate movie being. It fails on every level.0 stars out of 4

There are low budget/direct to video movies, and then there is trash like this.Trying to follow the plot of this film can actually hurt at time with the amount of thinking that was required to follow what was going on. Was there a Cobra Khan or was he just part of the kids imagination of the white ninja. Was the white ninjas back story based on a comic or were the kids just dreaming it. What was the deal with that scene with the clown fight and the balloons. Why were they bouncing on balloons for 15 minutes?! Also the kids were trained by a Van Damn wannabe who while solidly built lacked any acting talent. Also the box art, why couldn't the box designers at least pick an honest one to give the audience an idea how ugly the costumes were which looked like was made of cheap pieces of costume purchased in Chinatown.Acting was poor at best. It was fairly obvious by the end of the film that the kids could not do any of there own stunts which was probably why the stunt kids wore the awful costumes.The film at times seemed like a bad live action cartoon. This film goes so far as to hit clichés such as fishing rods and bait to lure the one kid's mom , following the kids by hiding in a trash can.There were also subtle problems such as some of the film was not properly edited to make it feel like it fit in the movie as the lighting was off and it seemed the purpose of it was to purely drag the film on.The film director insists that to allow the film to be acceptable by foreign markets he had to put in work out scenes which could be misconstrued as intentionally trying to torture the viewers.But the worst torture by far was saved for last in the form of the "Virtual Reality fight" which consisted of random fighters fighting sped up using such weapons as silly string. I honestly question the mental health of the writers and seriously wonder if some of them were on drugs when I watch this scene, it makes me cry every time cause it hurts so very much.My advice, do not watch this movie ever, unless you go in wanting to be subjected to the worst kinds of mental torture a film can present you with. There is nothing to laugh at in the film's intended humor. Not even the mistakes are funny most of the time. You might get out a few guilty laughs at some of the dumber moments, granted they might just be a response triggered by the brain cells this film kills at speeds higher then grain alcohol.

What can i really say that hasn't been said about this movie before? This film is a mess. This is a film that is lacking in continuity, plot details, plot points, developed characters, and sense. I hate to say this about a low budget film, especially when i know that the creators are trying, but I couldn't get into this. I could only finish this after twenty separate attempts. Still, I'm a movie lover, and i can find something good about any movie. This film has it's moments. There is a unique fight sequence that takes place in a balloon room that is worth seeing. There's some interesting humor in some exchanges between two of the main characters, and when the film is over, there are some well done credit images. Other than that, unless you're a die-hard montage fan, there won't be much you'll like about this poorly done film. I'm not a big fan of concepts involving child ninjas, but I'm sure a good film can be worked out of it. 3 NINJAS almost worked, i loved the film when I was 2, but it lacked some appeal. POCKET NINJAS just doesn't have any redeeming qualities for most, if not all, viewers. Overall, not worth seeing. It gave me a headache. Hopefully they'll get it right next time.

Pocket Ninjas is one of the few movies that is so bad it's good. Most of the movie is flashback, but poorly done and confusing. The plot has more holes than the finest swiss cheese, and it takes 9 minutes for the opening credits to end. I personally found the patty-cake "battle" between the White Dragon and one of Cobra Khan's cronies in the carnival absolutely hilarious. The location for this movie is perfect. The dojo is right next to a liquor store, but nobody seems to mind. The training sequences are long, obnoxious and downright painful. This is quite possibly the worst "professional" production I have ever seen. All in all, the perfect formula for the perfect awful movie.