Detective School Dropouts (1986)

This hilarious comedy from the producing team of Golan-Globus is probably the best, but sadly obscure film to come out from the Cannon label, even for a movie to come out in 1986.David Landsberg stars as Donald Wilson, a nebbish nerd whose obsession with crime novels forces him to lose a string of jobs after one comic mishap after another. One day, he notices a sign on a phone booth advertising to be a detective. The agency responsible is Miller Detective Agency run by Paul Miller (Lorin Dreyfuss, older brother of Richard), a slick high-roller whose business is in financial trouble because Paul has owed money to a lot of people and some will stop at nothing to get it. Donald enrolls into Paul's so- called "class" and learns lock picking, firearms, and even writing checks and paying money to Paul for owing purposes. One day, they stumble across a kidnapping plot involving a young couple, Carlo and Catherina madly in love that's hampered by the rivalry of two Italian mafia families, the Zanettis and the Lombardis. The Lombardi patriarch assign brutish hit-man Bruno (exploitation favorite George Eastman to kidnap Catherina, who is in New York visiting her cousin, Mario. Donald and Paul go to the house she's in on a whim as part of a fake dog newspaper ad. Catherina gives Donald a valuable pennant, but Bruno notices this and chases him and Paul out of the house. They decide to take the pennant back to Mario, who's boarded a plane back home to Italy. They then find themselves in the country and must put an end to the 200 year old feud between the families and reunite Carlo and Catherina.Landsberg and Dreyfuss, who also wrote the screenplay, have terrific chemistry together and the film contains a lot of funny slapstick gags, many of which Bruno gets the brunt of. It also includes a wild car chase through the streets of Rome, when a movie set and a city market get obliterated, as well as a daring foot chase in the Leaning Tower of Piza. Even Donald gets to drive a Ferrari that ends in a bad crash.The two guys would write and star in another film the following year, DUTCH TREAT, that sadly wasn't as well-received as this one.

Admittedly, this movie falls far short of anything the academy would use as a DVD coaster for the lighting guy backstage. It's terrible. The dialogue and plot is laughably predictable. The camera work is generally sub-par... as if it were the director's first film. At times, it's just plain stupid. So stupid, it can be brilliant - in the same way the Keystone Cops were hilarious. The scene with a stolen Ferrari is absolutely priceless. I don't know if I've ever laughed so hard or rewound a movie so many times. I've been waiting in vain for a DVD version to come out, and my Tivo is always searching. Perhaps you can still catch an old VHS copy on eBay with some persistence. If you watch with the appropriate silly, B-movie attitude, you won't be disappointed.

My best friend and I have seen this movie well over one hundred times. We have it memorized, line by line. We act out scenes from the movie, and rate each other's performance. We don't even refer to it by the full title of "Detective School Dropouts" anymore -- long ago we abbreviated it to "DSDO."My favorite scene has to be when Paul and Donald steal the Ferrari:Paul: "slow down!!" Donald: "I can't!" Paul: "would you open your eyes and watch out for those sheep?!"It's really a pity that Landsberg and Dreyfuss haven't made more movies together, because they had such a hilarious synergy in this one. The scene where Wilson is dressed up in a wedding gown while trying to fend off the unsuspecting Bruno, had me on the floor in tears. Bruno's constant injuries (the knives!!) are a source of much humor. Suffice it to say that this is one hilarious film with some "zany" slapstick humor. It is definitely worth renting, if you can find it. I give this movie a perfect 10!

I think I was ten when I first saw this movie at the theaters and I can honestly say I have never laughed so hard and uncontrollably at any film in my life. Granted, today the movie does look dated and suffers from some poor picture and sound quality (the usual product of the infamous Golan Globus guys) but I urge you to try and see beyond that. This is a small masterpiece. David Landsberg's honest but clumsy Wilson is perfectly balanced by Dreyfuss' seedy, fast-talking... uh sorry I forgot the character's name. Anyway, the movie has several well timed running gags (the hurt hand, the old lady whose pictures are always messed up, etc.) some hilarious chase sequences (my fave being a chase through a movie set), a cheesy yet quirky soundtrack and an overall sense of outrageousness. The plot is just credible enough to make the comedy work and the action sequences are well done but not lended so much weight that they distract. Landsberg and Dreyfuss (both of whom also wrote the film) have a keen sense of comic timing, and play off of each other like pros. (This film also introduced me to the Italian beauty Valeria Golina, several years before Rainman). I've seen Landsberg in the occasional supporting role on TV and in film but I've never seen Dreyfuss before or since (I've read before that he's Richard's brother and that's certainly reasonable). It's a shame these two didn't make more films, and in a way it's sad that this film didn't do better, and yet now I can officially refer to it as a forgotten, hidden treasure. Good luck finding this film on VHS, much less on DVD but if you do, check it out.