Hong-Do Mirror (1985)
Three goofy, unsuccessful thieves wander around robbing graves, eating dogs, getting attacked by hands that burst from the ground, and acting unconscionably stupid. They come to an old inn and find out that a vampire has been preying on virginal young girls in the area. Two of the thieves and the innkeeper are killed, so the remaining thief tries to protect the innkeeper's beautiful daughter and avenge his friends.
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Almost nothing is more hokey and dumb than this, but don't feel discouraged about seeing it, cause it's funnier than any comedy you'll ever find. It's just that bad. It begins with three idiots that slightly resemble the three stooges, but they are also grave robbers, and they're being chased by this evil vampire guy because one of them stole a golden swastika from some coffin( whose coffin this is, we never find out). From then on, you'll find every cliché in the book, with mind-controlling vampires, a possession scene thats totally ripped off of the Exorcist, and a crapload of dream sequences that seem to pop up over and over again, making you wonder if anything thats really happening in the movie is actually really happening, or is just another ridiculous dream. But don't forget what I said before. This movie is FUNNY! Go ahead and watch it.
It took me a while to grasp this movie. There is a plot, more or less, but there are so many random things that... well... Who is the guy in the coffin? or the other coffin? He isn't the vampire, because he comes from a door. Why are they on the run? Why does the swastika fend of the undead? I honestly cannot fathom why there is a turtle and a log in the river to save Tony. This film must have lost a few scenes in the editing room, because it doesn't make sense Spoiler: Somewhere in the movie, we are introduced to another vampire. Well, Surprise! that vampire is the other vampire wearing a mask. But you can clearly see that the other vampire is a real person, and has silly putty on his nose. Also, the characters find a severed head. Upon first glimpse, A friend and I thought the corpse had been thrown through a mattress, but no, it is supposed to be a severed head. Don't blame us, you can see the poor b******d's body. See this movie. I bought it for a dollar, and it was the best dollar I have ever spent. You will laugh, you will cry, because this movie sucks a-hole and is my god, at the same time.
Okay, first of all, this movie confused me so utterly the first ten times i saw it that i had to just keep watching it until it made sense. I wondered (and still do) if the people who dubbed it for release in the US even owned a translation, or if they just made all the dialogue up on the fly. But honestly, DRAGON AGAINST VAMPIRE has EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! It has a magic kung fu master who scampers around on his hands because he never leaves full lotus position. When we first meet him, he seems to be living underground. There are random flashbacks that are difficult to distinguish from dream sequences or all the other random parts of the movie. There is a fat man who pounds his belly a lot and cooks and eats a dog. Suddenly the waitress' pants fall down. And then they are haunted. Random bad things happen. There are bells and strings on the ground. What's going on? Why are their faces on the billboard? Why is that man trying to beat them up on the side of the road? Good god, is he escaping on top of a giant tortoise or is it a motor-propelled log? What is going on?????????Anyway, Do you get my drift here? Eventually i understood what it all meant and how it fit together (as you will too, with time and patience), but if you put your intellectual sensibilities aside for just a little while, this is one of the greatest, most nonsensical pieces of cheap cinema ever available for $3.99 at your local five-and-dime (i bought mine at Woolworth's before they went out of business and have never regretted it for a moment!!!!). I strongly recommend this movie to everyone with a good sense of humor, a loose grip on reality, and an alcoholic beverage (or else a peculiar friend who never stops laughing and can speak in funny voices).
The video box cover presents this flick as a hybrid of the martial arts and horror genres. Upon renting it, I figured that if it did not succeed as a horror flick (which was not likely anyway), that it would at least have some good martial arts sequences -- or vice versa. Well, it fails on all counts.Basically a series of lame, crude comedy sketches. Bad dubbing. A ripoff.