The Final Sacrifice (1990)

This movie is all about the legendary adventures of Troy McGregor and Zap Rowsdower, two rugged Candian gents who wage a battle of will and raw determination, against the evil cult leader Satoris and his many hooded henchmen. While they follow an old map that was made by Troy's long-deceased dad, the boys are running around the wilderness of South-Eastern Alberta Canada, in an effort to locate the long lost city of the Ziox civilization. Throughout the movie Satoris is determined to get the map, because he believes it will "supply me with an army of invincible warriors" in addition to finding the legendary city of the Ziox, as they are, in his own words, the only race "that has achieved perfection". Somewhere in between all this is an old crusty hermit by the name of Mike Pipper, who is an ally to the party of McGregor and Rowsdower, for it's old man Pipper who decodes the mystery behind of the map - one which Satoris will stop at nothing to obtain and yet he's foiled by the trio of McGregor/Rowsdower/Pipper. Let me offer up something of a cast run-down: We have a 90-pound weakling, a dumpy, middle-aged, bemulleted, drunkard and a old crusty hermit.The main thrust behind this profoundly amateurish Canadian-made film, appears in the form of numerous tepidly-staged action scenes, which without exception, feature lots of ski-mask n' tank-top clad Canadian cultist's, who are running around in woods in pursuit of Troy and Rowsdower. The other aspect that forms this epically lame movies plot, involves the pseudo-mythological, nonsensical-garbage surrounding the Ziox civilization. The Final Sacrifice was made on the astonishingly minuscule budget of $1,500 and this fact is made painfully obvious throughout every minute of the movie. Not surprisingly this film looks and sounds terribly cheap, from it's pitifully bad sets - to the model that's supposed to represent the Ziox city and of course all the old crappy cars and trucks, that the cultists are often seen driving - making tracks all over South-Eastern Alberta, in the vein quest for the map. As the guy's from MST3K pointed out, the music featured in this movie sounds like video-poker music..... whatever the music's inspiration is, it flat-out sounds laughably terrible and further increases this films boundlessly entertaining quality.When watching The Final Sacrifice a profound lack of talent and funding is constantly in evidence and that fact permeates every second of this terrible, yet remarkably endearing movie. For me it's this films ridiculous casting that I love so much and when a films "heroes" are this pathetic you really shouldn't expect much from the rest of it's cast, such is the case here; because everything about this movie represents complete and utter mediocrity at it's finest - as you'll plainly see when you pop in The Final Sacrifice. Nearly the entirety of the movie is one big underwhelming chase, with only a few breaks (from the wrath of Satoris and his masked henchmen) every now and then, generally in an attempt to develop the story - these scenes are of a typically plodding and tedious nature. The main reason why The Final Sacrifice is so outlandishly funny, is because of it's main characters, however, there's just as little talent behind the camera as there is in front of it. This wretched, yet strangely compelling, little Canadian-made film effectively functions as a clinic on "how-not-to-make-a-movie". And even if it isn't the worst movie ever made - it's always right up there.I now must set aside some space especially for Zap Rowsdower (played by Bruce J. Mitchell), because as I see it, he's easily the films best character. First off, just -where- did they find this guy, working at a gas station, at lumber-jack camp??? In any case he doesn't look like he should be in front of a camera, but lone and behold there he stands in all his whiskery, bemulleted glory. As the character of Rowsdower, Bruce J. Mitchell plays a tubby, middle-aged, sullen drunken loner, who farts around the rural back roads of the Canadian wilderness in a crappy, old, broken-down, pick-up truck. It's an effortless task to make wise-cracks about this "chunky backwoods loser named Rowsdower" and he truly makes for an AWESOME anti-hero, who's just as convincing in his role, as he is unassuming in his looks (or lack of them). Rowsdower pull's off what some might call, the "Canadian tuxedo" which means denim, from head to toe, lots of denim, combined with a pair cowboy boots, this combination really seems to sell the rugged outdoors look he was shooting for. In other words he looks like his truck. Personally I find this hairy slob enormously entertaining to watch.If you decide to watch The Final Sacrifice go about it the smart way and watch the MST3K version, which is probably much easier to find anyway. As it stands I think this film made for the -best- fodder that was -ever- featured on that program and therefore ranks as the funniest of all episodes, for which the guys have an endless array of jokes and insults, that they sling at this films comically inept and cast and crew. If you want to see a bad movie, well... you can hardly do better then The Final Sacrifice and hey, at least it isn't boring, much.To recap: The Final Sacrifice is a completely amateurish movie and yet at the same time it's also, somehow, endearingly charming. The movie has some sort of "Aura" to it or so it would seem.

You'd be hard-pressed to watch a movie as bad as this without the trio from MST3K poking fun at it throughout. It's not the worst movie they've riffed on but it's pretty bad. If you look through the list of cast members, you'd see that none of the leading characters have really been in much of anything besides this movie. The whole premise of the movie is some skinny kid in a Mister Rogers-type sweater sets out on a quest to find out who killed his father and why. In the process of running away from hooded thugs in tank tops (when it's probably pretty dang cold at the time), he meets up with a guy named Zap Rowsdower who drives a crappy pick-up truck that he apparently lives out of considering his laundry is in the back and he has totes of empty beer cans and bottles. The most hysterical part of this movie (the MST3K version, of course) is when they come across Mike Pipper, a poofy-haired guy with a beard that talks like Red Green. Again, don't watch this movie without the MST3K guys cause you'll just be wasting your time.

It may seem a little unfair to critique a movie that was made by a student filmmaker with little money and resources, but even when you view "The Final Sacrifice" with your expectations appropriately lowered, it is all the same a pretty bad movie. I agree with many of the complaints about it. The script has a number of unexplained touches to the story, and the plot moves at a very slow pace for the most part. The action sequences are largely dull and clunky. The movie looks unbelievably cheap, with little in the way of production values. So it's a little incredible then that a little merit can be found here and there. The cheap cinematography, dark and a little out of focus, actually gives the movie a little mood. Occasionally there is some camera-work that's a little impressive. And some of the stunts (which clearly show the actors and not stunt doubles) do impress. Don't get me wrong - this is a VERY bad movie. But I'm saying that it's not totally worthless. And the end results are probably better than if I were given the same unbelievably low budget and limited resources.

If it weren't for MST3K, I wouldn't have seen or known of The Final Sacrifice in the first place. While it is not the worst of their movies featured(Manos, Monster A-Go Go, Wild World of Batwoman, Space Mutiny and Hobgoblins), it is one of MST3K best and most entertaining reviews/riffs. Make no mistake, The Final Sacrifice is a dire movie but because it made me amused at times, partly because the review and partly because of the absurdity of the characters' names, I can't say that it had no redeeming qualities. Despite those patches of amusement, The Final Sacrifice is one of those movies that has more cons than it has pros. The camera work and editing are not quite as amateurish as Space Mutiny, but it is very slip-shod and continuity-ridden, never shrugging off the viewer's notions that it looks and feels like a first draft of a student film. The dialogue is awkward and laughably bad, I wouldn't be all that surprised if it was improvised often, while the story is ridiculous personified(like the cult knocking on Troy's door after he finds the map seven years after his dad was killed by the same cult) and due to the abruptness of the ending it feels unfinished also. The acting is terrible, with the fake voices it was very difficult to take them seriously, playing the characters for a laugh- as it seemed- didn't work as everything was far too amateur-hour-ish. The worst asset is the soundtrack, being badly recorded, annoyingly orchestrated, overpowering and hugely repetitive(it's literally only 3 pieces of music, all three of which sound as though they belong elsewhere). Overall, dire but I've seen worse, on MST3K and generally. 2/10 Bethany Cox