Something Big (1971)

Andrew V. McLaglen's lackluster western comedy of errors "Something Big" amounts to nothing big. This hokum is about as bloodless as you can imagine, and McLaglen and "Undefeated" scenarist James Lee Barrett have contrived a dusty southwestern horse opera about a free-wheeling gunslinger, Joe Baker (Dean Martin) who rides around with cute doggie in a bag and 30-year cavalry Colonel Morgan (Brian Keith of "The Deadly Companions") on the verge of retirement. Baker (Dean Martin of "Five Card Stud") plans to do 'something big' that requires the use of a Gatling gun. The man who can deliver a Gatling gun to Baker wants to be paid off with a woman. Johnny Cobb (Albert Salmi of "Lawman") doesn't want to be paid off in money. Cobb's request drives poor Baker crazy because he cannot find a suitable woman for this quirky lug of a guy who lives with a bounty on his head and cannot set foot outside of his bailiwick. Meantime, the first decent woman that Baker finds for Cobb turns out to be Mary Anna Morgan (Honor Blackman of "Shalako"), the wife of Colonel Morgan. Morgan leads a detachment from the fort to recover his wife. As it turns out, Mary Anna has a soft spot for Baker and vouches for him to her stiff collared husband. He wants to confiscate the Gatling gun, but Mary Anna informs him that he has been retired for two days. Baker appropriates the Gatling gun, hightails it to Mexico, and wipes out a bandit stronghold that belongs to the most notorious bandit, Emilio Estevez (José Ángel Espinoza of "Big Jake"), who supposedly has a cache of treasure in a mission. At the same time, Baker is being stalked by Dover MacBride (Carol White of "A Prize of Gold"), a woman from Pittsburgh that he promised to marry."Something Big" benefits from a seasoned cast of western veterans, including familiar faces like Bob Steele, Edward Faulkner, Ben Johnson, Denver Pyle, Harry Carey, Jr., and Paul Fix. The saving grace is that this horse opera looks like a western. This shouldn't be surprising when you consider that McLaglen had done five westerns with John Wayne. The real shooting doesn't start until the final reel, but it is nothing like a profane, blood-splattered, Sam Peckinpah western. Everything before the big shootout at the end involves Baker planning his incursion against the dastardly Mexicans. Martin saunters through the role without a care in the world. You can tell when his stunt man is performing his riding chores. Sometimes, we do get to see Dino riding hard across the terrain. Basically, what we have in a cowboy version of "The Rat Patrol" with Dino in the back of a wagon cranking the handle on a multi-barreled Gatling gun and mowing down Mexicans by the dozens. If you've seen any John Ford westerns, such as "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon," you can spot the obvious reference that McLaglen and Barrett make to that classic John Wayne western. The Marvin Hamlisch orchestral soundtrack sounds like McLaglen and he were trying to imitate Burt Bacharach, complete with a song. According to McLaglen, the company that released "Something Big" went bankrupt and "Something Big" languished at the box office. This was Martin's second-to-last western, with "Showdown" qualifying as his last sagebrusher. If you enjoy bland westerns that refuse to take themselves seriously, "Something Big" is for you.

Something Big is directed by Andrew V. McLagen and written by James Lee Barrett. It stars Dean Martin, Brian Keith, Carol White, Honor Blackman, Albert Salmi and Ben Johnson. Music is by Marvin Hamlisch (title song by Burt Bacharach) and cinematography by Harry Stradling Junior. Dull as dishwater, Something Big is the very definition of a star vehicle where the star sleepwalks for the paycheck. The plot for what it's worth has Martin as Joe Baker, an ageing bandit wanting to do something big before retirement. He strikes a deal with Jonny Cobb (Salmi), to exchange a Gatling Gun for a woman, you see Cobb just wants to get laid, apparently. With Joe's fiancée on her way to the Territory to make an honest man of him, and Colonel Morgan (Keith) determined to stop Joe achieving his criminal ambition before he himself retires, Joe has it all to do to do that something big. What follows in the one hour and forty five minute run time is, well, nothing of any note. There are a whole raft of characters in the mix, and a dog, but they never serve any purpose other than being dressage or to deliver some unfunny dialogue. The intention is to make Martin's lovable scallywag the axis for some mature daft shenanigans, building to the "big" finale before everyone settles down in the sun and shouts hooray! But Martin isn't interested, and McLaglen isn't clever enough to knit all the loose ends together. While the "big" finale consists of a five minute boring shoot-out that is essentially just Martin going around in a circle firing the Gatling Gun at bad guys we have not met, seen or had time to be intrigued about. Some nice costumes, cleavage and Technicolor photography stop it from total damnation, but this is only recommended to easy going Western fans who simply have no other genre choices to pick from in their nuclear fall out shelter. 3/10

This film was Dean's followup to "Airport". It's not a great film, but it is a decent Western, and better than I remembered it being...perhaps because I sometimes confuse it with another of Dean's films from that era -- "Texas Across The River".Perhaps it's my age that has led to a great appreciation of this film. When it came out I was a 22 year old fan of Dean's. Now, seeing it again, I'm a 63 year old fan of Dean's. And Dean is...well, cool in this movie. But the appreciation comes with the story -- the realization as one gets older that if he never has done "something big" (fortunately I have), then there may be that desire to do "something big" before one dies. And Dean plays it pretty well here. He's the right age and has the right attitude. And, before I forget to mention it, does most of his own horse riding in it (Dean actually owned show horses and was quite good). That's not to say that Dean's character is totally likable -- after all, he is kidnapping a woman to trade her for a Gatling gun! Although, they keep it in bounds by Dean's realization that what he's doing is bothering his conscience.I've never been much of a fan of Brain Keith, but he does fine as the army colonel who wants to know what Dean is going to do that is "something big", only to find out that part of it is kidnapping his (Keith's) wife! Honor Blackman played her part as Brian Keith's wife quite well here...she gave it he gravitas needed. Ben Johnson was fun as the Army scout. Albert Salmi appropriately disgusting as a dirty character desperately in need of a woman. Joyce Van Patten good as a man-hungry woman. Denver Pyle is a totally meaningless role; why did he even take it? And Harry Carey Jr as a peg-legged cowboy was entertaining.Very watchable and a bit tongue in cheek.

Sorry markspangler1, but the location wasn't the Superstition Mountains of Arizona, it was filmed just outside Durango, Mexico where lots of western films have been made. Beautiful scenery, mountains and plains, deep blue skies unmarked by jet contrails or fences. Through a chance meeting with Hal Needham, Stunt Coordinator and stunt double for Dean Martin, I was invited on the set during filming. I've always wondered at why it wasn't a more popular film. Great actors, great director in big Andrew McLaglen (the man is BIG!) great scenery and cinematography. My biggest regret was not being on the set when Ben Johnson was on location. Just missed him. He was always one of my favorite actors. Authentic, unpretentious and believable in all his roles. Dean is funny and the dog a real trooper. See this movie if you can.