The Pink Chiquitas (1987)

Well, wow, have we really went 30 years since The Pink Chiquitas hit the map of Beamsville? Where did the time go? Yeah, I remember this one, it wasn't exactly a smash, but it was 100 % meaningless, mindless entertainment if you know what I mean. A meteor has hit the town of Beamsville, and it's creating quite an aftershock. This is no ordinary meteor. It's a pink chiquita meteor, and it's turning all the local females into ( ahem!) sexually charged women. It's a cheese fest, no doubt, but if you don't mind the digging into the 80's trash bin, you'll discover this more of a treasure then junk, I did. I liked the way everything was handled. Nothing is taken too far ( hell, look, they kept their PG13 rating, didn't they?), and it doesn't take anything too seriously. I am actually quite tricky when it comes to films that I feel violate women, this is why I easily discard titles such as The Stepford Wives. In fact, if I remember, these girls actually have a great defense against the "pink" terror this meteor is causing. Remember those Walkmans? Play it! No, put the earbuds in ...there ya go! See, there's an irritating noise being transmitted through the air waves, and when the girls hear it, it drives them crazy. When you can't hear it, it won't affect those women ( which the count of how many don't get affected by the noise transmission is very low. So low, I won't say how many.) I don't have too many complaints with the movie, I watched it in 1990, it was cheesy then, so I know it's even cheesier now. However, I can't deny it was a lot of fun to watch. It's running time won't over stay its welcome. My only complaints were (1) too much time with the whole woods scenery, and (2) maybe the law enforcement could have acted a little less dumb. In a nutshell, I give this trifle of a flick 5 out of 10, if you're looking for a good dumb 80's flick, hell, you're looking at it!

I don't think many people understand this movie. It was really quite a beautiful film about women mostly, well acted, and quite well scripted. Maybe you have to be an anthropologist to appreciate it. Before the last ice age and well into present times we were matriarchal and very sexual. The meteor only made our human nature more open. The meteor didn't die. After mating with a human male its babies can be seen bubbling up on the lake. Nobody here seems to understand what a pink Chiquita is. It's the title of the film people. It's what our species needs to continue surviving. There are some esoteric references in the film I don't understand. Clip appears in a very Beatles like uniform reminiscent of Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band on an amusement park merrigo round. I think the teen boys who initially found the meteor died. The only other death in the movie is the homosexual cross dresser. I bought this film because it was about what women were really like at one time, and I loved how normal life in the small town of Beamsville now was actually like. Loved Mary Ann. A librarian no less, married to a meteorolgist?

I caught this years and years ago on the USA Network, at something like 3 a.m. At the time I was young and impressionable, and I thought I was watching something very dirty indeed. There wasn't much to see, but I was convinced I was watching an edited-for-TV version of a soft-core masterpiece. Did I mention I was young?Years later I saw the thing on DVD (WHY is this on DVD?), and figured, what the hell. And, well... to call this thing PG-rated is being generous. There had been ZERO editing for that basic cable airing. No one get naked, and there wasn't even any swearing that I could recall. Even the underwear is pretty chaste.The acting is terrible, the writing is embarrassing, the lighting/costumes/makeup are beyond amateurish, and the "music" (written by Frank Stallone himself!) is instantly forgettable. So if your plot is a pink meteorite that falls to earth and turns the local women into Amazonian nymphomaniacs... wouldn't the only possible saving grace be having naked women in your movie? (or, for the two women in the audience, at least one attractive male?)There is NO skin, no jokes, no movie... The only reason this exists is so you can see the title on the IMDb and say to someone, "Did you know Sylvester Stallone had a brother? Who was in a movie?"

I'm a big fan of the Allison Hayes classic "Attack of the Fifty Foot Woman" so I know just how good a movie can be that bashes men, but this movie is actually insulting to the men that watch it as well as the women who starred in it. There is only one funny scene as Frank Stallone wrestles with an uncatchable fish, and there's an inside "Andy Griffith" joke as Barney Fife becomes Barney Drumm, but there is very little redeeming matter in this movie. What could have been a fairly thrilling movie about women becoming superior to men is actually a wimpy disappointment as the women become unrealisticly sex crazed. The majority of the characters are cartoonish except for Frank Stallone as this movie seemed centered on his attempt to make himself bigger than his brother. It all turns into one big mess with little or no reason and a script seemingly written by high school kids. One out of ten stars.