Kiss or Kill (1997)

I've never so much wanted to go across the Nullaboring in my life after seeing this. We have an impressive road movie thriller, where as an Adelaide'n here's another that has done us proud. Bill Bennett is someone who makes low budget features that I like. Here we have a romantic couple, who'm both have had bad childhoods, Francis O'connor, a victim of pedophilia, who was interfered with by a footy captain, Zipper Doyle who makes underage porno's. These con artists/thieve's, latest victim is accidentally killed or was he, when sexually lured by O'connor. So our young enterprising two end on going on the lam, with a suitcase, containing not exactly what they were after. In it is a porno, featuring Doyle and who very much looks like, O'Connor, who is quick to deny it. Kiss Or Kill is very well structured film, where as it progresses, more victims surface, after being visited by the two, but who's killing who. There are some great locations used, including a radioactive site where our too take temporary sanction, by occupants, Otto and wife. As in dining, the film too shows you the dangers of having a steamboat too close to you. Matt Day and O'Connor is especially, are good, while Haywood as a veteran cop with a heart, is what you expect, impressive as always, that dining scene, regarding the bacon I loved. We can understand why the implicated Doyle is so enraged, in his frantic need to retrieve that tape which could finish him. As to the fates of our two lamsters, it's wonderfully no where as bad, as you think it will be for them, where in these situations, there can be more light at the end of the tunnel. Cool, solid scene by scene S.A. thriller, with a haunting opening.

This is a sort of modern day film noir directed by Bill Bennett and stars Matt Day and Frances O'Connor. Day and O'Connor play a young couple in Austrila who are a couple of con artists and they mostly scam married men who pick up O'Connor in a bar. Things are going good until someone actually dies and they wind up with a videotape, on that videotape is a celebrity named Zipper Doyle, who is a football star, and he's having sex with a young boy. Day and O'Connor go on the run with both the police looking for them and Doyle trying to kill them. There are several more deaths but you don't see who murders who and Day and O'Connor get to the point where they can't trust each other. It's a pretty good movie that was a huge hit in Austrilia.

This reviews contains spoilers (not that there's much in this film to spoil!!!!)When you a pick up a video in a rental store with an imaginative title like KISS OR KILL you know you are holding a "straight to video" film. This is one of those films where the spotty video store clerk swears on his mother's grave is the best one he has seen (even though you overheard him talking to his dear departed mum on the phone a few minutes ago!!!) But I believed him this time and when I read the review on the back of the video box which stated "THIS MOVIE'S BEGINNING IS THE MOST SHOCKING OF ANY FILM THIS YEAR!!!!!" (ie 1997) I knew I had to see this video.So I eagerly sat down to watch this film (not in the video store but in my own home) with a cup of coffee in my hand. I couldn't wait to see the much acclaimed shocking beginning but I had to sit through some stupid scene where a young mother is inexplicably torched by a pyromaniac Jehovah's witness before I could get to the "shocking beginning". After 10 minutes I realised that there was going to be no "shocking beginning" for this film and that I felt I was totally lied to by the review on the video cover.One thing that did shock me was the extreme editing that was used in this film. At times characters seem to teleport themselves around a room while talking to each other instead of walking around a room. It's like the editor was blindfolded and used a machete to edit the hell out of this film. Seeing all these scenes jumping and skipping in between the character's dialogue can be really hard on the eyes and can also make the viewer feel queasy. Maybe the film on the video cover should have read "FILMED IN NAUSEA VISION" instead of lying to us about the "SHOCKING BEGINNING" that never even appeared in this movie. But it is a suprise to find that editor for all his enthusiastic hacking managed to miss all the bad acting and dialogue in this film.The plot of this film revolves around a pair of con artists where the woman (called Nikki) picks up businessmen in bars, brings them to a nearby motel and drugs them while the man (Alan, her boyfriend) breaks into the room wearing surgical gloves and helps her rob the drugged businessman. But on one occasion this happy couple steals a briefcase that changes their one dimensionally-scripted lives.The briefcase in question belonged to a creepy sports agent who was led back to the motel by Nikki. In the motel room the agent suddenly starts mimicking a dog to amuse Nikki. The following is a transcript of this scene where you will find a good example of some of the weird and stupid dialogue that is contained in this film :***Sports Agent [drunkenly pretending to be a dog on all fours]-- "WOOF WOOF!! GRRRR!!!" etc,etc Nikki [drunkenly laughing at the sight of him mimicking a dog]-- "GET BACK ON YOUR PERCH!!!!"***I don't know why Nikki says this to the Sports Agent in light of the type of animal he is mimicking but it is a sign of the confusingly bad dialogue in this film.Anyway the Sports Agent mysteriously and conveniently dies and the Nikki and Alan take his suitcase which contains an illegal adult video. The couple recognise the star of this home movie as football personality Zipper Doyle (pronounced "ZIPPAAH" by the australian cast). They try to blackmail him and thus they have to flee as he is pursuing them to get the video back. Also there are two detectives who are also pursuing the couple to question them about the death of the Sports Agent. It is interesting that director Bill Bennett tries to script these cops with an unstereotypical air and I understand Bennett's motives for not stereotypically naming his cops eg: "Ted Atkins" or "Pat Reilly" but the name XAVIER HAMMER!!!! really takes the biscuit.Anyway the exotically named Xavier Hammer and his detective partner hunt down the couple across the Australian outback. What follows are the typical plot devices of your regular road movie with violent murders, a kidnapping and a lot of hostility and suspicion that brews between the two lovers as they try to escape the clutches of a mad rugby player and two anti-stereotype cops. Though with most of the car chases taking place in an open desert the film should be classed as an "Off-road movie" as opposed to a "road movie".The acting and dialogue is so awful that it makes what should be tense storytelling into an unintentional farce. But as well as this the actions of some of the characters make no sense. For instance the two detectives decided to hire a tracker to help them pursue our heroes but this is nonsensical as the cops know that Nikki and Alan are driving across an open and isolated desert without the aid of a storm to cover their tracks. So what exactly do the detectives need a tracker for when they are pursuing a car!!.Although this tracker (who looks like the aborigines answer to Bob Geldof with his thick mop of curly hair) does provide some unintentional laughs especially the priceless scene of him sitting on the bonnet of the cop's slow moving car keenly (yet pointlessly!)scanning the deep visible tyre tracks ahead of them for clues. I had to rewind that scene three times in order to take that incredible scene in. But at least the Abo' tracker does solve a crime for the cops by analyzing a homicide scene and then informing the cops that it is the result of bizaarily planned and awkwardly choreographed murder/ suicide.**Spoilers**Anyway the cops catch Alan and Nikki and they accuse her of the spate of murders that occurred during their trek. The interrogation scene of Nikki by the 2 detectives delivers another fine example of this film's trite dialogue and scriptwriting : ***Nikki [Defiantly admitting her guilt to the detectives]-- "I ADMIT IT. I AM A KILLER. I ENJOY KILLING MEN. I AM A PYSCHO WHO KILLS MEN. I TAKE PLEASURE FROM KILLING MEN!!!"det Xavier Hammer [responding in a contradicting tone]-- "BUT ONE OF THE VICTIMS WAS A WOMAN!!!"***I almost choked on my (third!) cup coffee when I heard this revelationary insight into the workings of Xavier Hammer's brilliant detective mind. Suprisingly despite her confession the detectives believe she is innocent and they arrest the malevolent "ZIPPAAH" Doyle who tries to kill the couple. They also pass off the bizaare murders that involved the couple during their trek as suicides. And to finally insult the intelligence of the viewer the cops pardon Nikki and Alan for their crimes of conning businessmen as well as the manslaughter of the Sports Agent. This laughable film then leaves us with a scene of the two detectives drinking beer in their underpants pondering on their continuous fight against crime. That scene (which includes an annoying narration by Nikki) will haunt me for the rest of my days.I would recommend this film only to those who are both deaf and blind. Director Bill Bennett got his retarded pet chimp to script this train wreck of a movie. And in an attempt to appear in vogue Bennett steals a scene for his detectives to chew over from the film PULP FICTION. It's bad enough that KISS OR KILL has bad dialogue without Bennett including more bad dialogue from another film. The dialogue in question is adapted from the famous Pulp fiction "bacon scene". In this instance Xavier Hammer and his detective colleague are eating in a diner. Hammer offers his friend some bacon when he receives the response "I don't eat bacon". Hammer asks why but he is told by his friend that he is jewish and cannot eat bacon. But Hammer on hearing this denounces his friend as a liar because Hammer claims to have seen his friends nether regions which are not circumcised.How and Why detective Hammer managed to see his friend in the nude is never explained in the film. Maybe for acceptance into the Aussie police force you have to parade around naked in the interview room. But if ever this film actually transcends from VHS to DVD (which is highly unlikely because it is so bad) then director may include explanations to some of this film mysteries. Who knows he may even include the "SHOCKING BEGINNING" that was raved about on the video's cover but never appeared in this film.This film earns a generous 2/10 due to Bennett's horrible directing and scriptwriting along with the entire cast's egregious acting (especially O'Connors sleepwalking). This film is one of the most terrible films you will ever see. Director Bill Bennett is a Z-list director with delusions of grandeur.But watch out for director Bennett's spinoff movie entitled : MICKEY SPILLANE'S XAVIER HAMMER!!!!

If Frances O'Connor and Matt Day don't get regular, steady acting work and eventually become big stars, I'll be very surprised. Despite all the other good things about "Kiss Or Kill", the two of them hold the movie together. O'Connor is sexy and tough, and Day is a solid leading man. The rest of the cast does a good job, especially the cops. The plot is a little loose, but it kind of makes you guess as to what's going on. In the end, this is a must see. Go rent it right away!!!